There’s been lots of grumbling about the new Turtles movie, mostly because director Michael Bay is producing it and seems dead set on trampling over the fondest animated heroes of our childhood. Early sketches of their revamped designs were met with backlash, but criticism seems to be lightening with every new promo.  This new spot proves that the Foot Clan ain’t nuttin’ to F wit when they take some of the guys hostage, prompting Raphael to grimly announce a search and rescue mission. The motion posters are really just short videos profiling the brothers as individuals, rounding out each ending with a moving still of the character. It put me in the mind of motion comics when I first saw it, which ties the franchise back to its comic book roots from 1984. So what do you say? Got a hankering for more Heroes in a Half Shell

When you tell it like it is, it’s even more far-fetched than I remember it as a kid: The Foot Clan is doing dick moves all over town and it’s too much for cops to handle. Thank God a big rat named Splinter has trained a foursome of giant turtles in the ninja arts to take care of this mess. They run into the hottest reporter known to all mankind in the form of April O’Neill and promptly threaten her to keep quiet about their existence. Gotta work on those “ninja” skills guys. When the Turtles prove too hot to handle, the Foot Clan bring out the BIG gun – Shredder.

Shredder looks appropriately menacing while Splinter spends most of the spot unseen or just relaxing under rubble. Are we seeing a pre-death scene here? Do we mind? Is Splinter really all that important to the subsequent sequels? Do we really have to suffer through another movie’s weak attempt at drama and catharsis by killing off a major character because of the screenwriter’s lack of imagination? Time will tell.

Since I’ve already dated myself in the open, I’m gonna admit that I had no idea that “motion posters” was a thing. But here they are.

Raphael seems justly portrayed as the “thug” of the group, but seeing him fight in the snow is about as out-of-place as seeing the Untouchables ride on horseback. Donny’s mad tight with the bo staff and gets to show off his tech skills too. Mikey’s smart mouth will hopefully lead to lots of comic relief. And Leo seems at home with his katana blades, but he may suffer from “Adamantium claws syndome,” in that we won’t see the true damage those things can do on screen. These guys are carrying deadly weapons, after all. And that fact has to be dumbed down a bit for wide audiences. But that shouldn’t be a problem – this franchise has been doing just that for 30 years.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles features Megan Fox and Will Arnett. It’s directed by Jonathon Liebesmann and is scheduled to premiere on August 8, 2014.

Category: Comics, Film

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