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Game Of Thrones fans are about to get so much Dorne, they won’t know whether to fight or throw orgies. Enigmatic lover, family man and fearsome fighter Oberyn Martell was a fantastic addition to last season’s consistently unpredictable forays. With Spain playing the part of his homeland, we’re going to see a ton of his homies and kin. But it’s not all about Dorne, we’ve got a couple other Westerosi to contend with too. Book readers are sure to froth over some of these mentions and we finally find out which of the Red Viper’s daughters Keisha Castle-Hughes is playing. Here’s a quick hint: all our guesses were wrong. And to commemorate our failure, HBO provided us with two videos to watch with varied levels of satisfaction.

The cool thing about Game Of Thrones is that no matter how many ass-kickers they kill off, we get equally awesome replacements to steal their scenes. The Comic Con panel included a few of those dead, and some of the living. The big question on everyone’s minds these days was why author George R. R. Martin murders so many of his characters with such impunity:

“I have plenty of punity,” he declared. “My reputation for killing is exaggerated. [Showrunners David Benioff and Dan Weiss] are far bloodier than I am. They’ve killed a number of characters who are still alive in the books. I’m only he second-ranked murderer on the panel.”

I haven’t read the books, but that explains a lot. No longer can we picture the punitive writer as the dim-witted Lannister cousin who offed beetles for the kuhn kuhn kuhn of it. And while we’re on the subject of characters, here’s a breakdown of our new friends to be, courtesy of HBO:

Alexander Siddig as Doran Martell. Doran Martell is the ruling lord of Dorne and older brother to the late Prince Oberyn Martell. Unlike his brother, Doran is even-tempered and deliberate. Now, all of Dorne waits to see how their lord will react to his brother’s death.

Toby Sebastian as Trystane Martell. Trystane Martell is Prince Doran’s son and heir to Dorne. His father betrothed him to Myrcella Baratheon as part of the alliance offered by Tywin Lannister, then Hand of the King.

Nell Tiger Free as Myrcella Baratheon. Myrcella Baratheon is officially the eldest child of Cersei Lannister and the late King Robert Baratheon, though in truth her father is Cersei’s own brother, Jaime Lannister. For years, she has been a guest and ward of Prince Doran, betrothed to his son, but her position has become tenuous with the death of Oberyn Martell, the Prince’s brother.

DeObia Oparei as Areo Hotah. Areo Hotah is the long-serving captain of Doran Martell’s palace guard, renowned for his loyalty and his longaxe.

Enzo Cilenti as Yezzan. Yezzan was an extremely wealthy slave trader before Daenerys Targaryen outlawed the slave trade.

Jessica Henwick as Nymeria (“Nym”) Sand. Nym Sand is the second eldest of the late Prince Oberyn’s bastard daughters. Her mother was an Eastern noblewoman who brought Nym up to be cultured, graceful and deadly with a whip.

Rosabell Laurenti Sellers as Tyene Sand. Tyene Sand is the daughter of the late Prince Oberyn Martell by Ellaria Sand, his final paramour. Tyene is fiercer than she looks, especially with her twin daggers.

Keisha Castle-Hughes as Obara Sand. A fearsome warrior, Obara Sand is the eldest bastard daughter of the late Prince Oberyn Martell. Her mother was a Dornish peasant girl who caught the eye of the late Prince.

Jonathan Pryce as the High Sparrow. A devout and pious man, the High Sparrow came to King’s Landing to serve those forgotten by much of the world – the poor, the downtrodden and the infirm – and quickly amassed a large following. His fellow believers have swarmed over the city, ministering to the lowest and decrying the corruption of the highest.

Don’t feel like reading all that? Watch this HBO video instead! It’s less in-depth, but Oooh, the pretty lights!:

The Viper’s got some beautiful daughters. I couldn’t hang out with them though, they’re mean and deadly like their dad. But they’re also probably perverts like their dad too, so there’s that. I don’t know, I’ll have to play Rock, Paper, Shotgun for this one. I hope I get Shotgun. Shotgun always wins!

They are really gonna have to work on Keisha Castle-Hughes. Her character is described as a big-boned woman of 30. I don’t see it. I really had her pegged as playing Nymeria, who is considered the “hot one.” But all the actresses playing Oberyn’s daughters, code-named the Sand Snakes, could pass as siblings, so I’m on board.

Hey here’s a joke. Why did the Viper buy a box full of Tylenol? Because he felt like his head was being crushed by a mountain! Hahaha! That’s a funny joke. Want to really laugh at something? How about a gag reel for the bleakest freakin’ show on TV?

Okay there wasn’t much to laugh at there, but at least we got to see the Lannister brothers dance together one last time. And pretty much for the first time too, I guess. And was that Viserys Targaryen falling off a horse at the end? That dude wasn’t even in last season. Hell, he didn’t get past season 1! If you think that’s a spoiler, then that’s what you get for not watching the best show on cable when you were supposed to.

Game Of Thrones doesn’t return soon enough. I’ll give you the air date when we get closer.

Source – HBO

Category: Books, TV, Uncategorized

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