This is not the usual type of thing that I file under the “Whatever” banner and this is not an obituary, Jacob Knight did a wonderful job paying tribute to Robin Williams with his obituary yesterday. I didn’t expect to write anything about this and I don’t really know what this is “officially”, I know all things must be labeled, but this is just a rhythm strip of my thoughts from 5AM this morning, sparked by the reactions — good and bad. This is how I deal, I guess.

“This is not a test, this is rock and roll…”

I read an article about the pain in Robin Williams’ eyes from someone who looked into them once on the street in New York during a casual encounter. Experts in a tragedy, we all be.

All I want to think about is the smiling face that I saw on TV and on the big screen. I don’t want to be sad or angry or contemplative. I don’t want to theorize when theories do no good.

I just want to think about the joy that I got from the funny films and the impact that the serious ones had on me. Like The Fisher King, which touched me when I was an OCD-afflicted 14 year old that needed to see someone conquer their demons in such a profound way. I watched it again this morning. I’ll spend some time with things like that, off and on, over these next few days. Things like The Final Cut, Good Will Hunting, Moscow on the Hudson, The World According to Garp, Good Morning Vietnam, Toys, his stand-up specials and that episode of Louie. I suspect you will too, and no choices are bad choices. As a friend said to me, “he never gave a bad performance”.

I saw a map of the world as it pertained to what people were talking about on Twitter when we all heard the news — it was like the world was crying. We’re so used to celebrity death and death in general, but it seemed like every tweet and every trending topic was about this man. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen that before.

I don’t understand how this guy, who was so alive — he was a comedy super computer, he was a woodchipper that could take the world in and spit out 1,000 jokes in an instant, he was a hurricane — can now be dead.

Death shouldn’t apply to certain people – the comedians, the geniuses, the healers, the children, the innocent and the ones we love.

I’m more emotional than I feel any right to be right now. I never knew this man who, by all accounts, was a kind and warm giver and a plus for our species, but for as long as I can remember, he was there, working so very hard to make me feel something and to make me laugh and smile and forget about the bad things. And so, upon the realization that that constant is no more, I quiver a little because there is one less thing in this world that is good for a laugh.

This loss is weird and sad. We’ll never understand it, we just have to deal with it and maybe laugh a little along the way.

♫I like New York in June… how about you?♫

Category: Featured, Film

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