You may have heard about a movie called Clerks. It was the breakthrough film for writer/director Kevin Smith, who funded the simple black and white comedy with a fistful of credit cards and the profits from selling his comic book collection. Well, the film was a genuine success when it was released in 1994, and like a lot of successful movies, the money men behind it wanted to make more money off the brand. And voila, Clerks the sitcom was born. Now you may think we’re referring to the short-lived animated series, but no, there was a live-action attempt to capture the magic of Clerks, and naturally it failed. Thought lost to the waves of history, the internet has returned the Clerks pilot to us in all it’s terrible glory.
The AV Club dug this up, and where they found it, we don’t know. Hopefully, that door to the bowels of internet hell was discovered and sealed with only this vintage footage escaping, because damn! – this is so 90s-style. This version of Clerks starred Andrew Lowery and Jim Breuer as Dante and Randall respectively. Americans star Keri Russell as a flighty employee of a nearby tanning salon, while Rick Gomez played an ice cream vendor. There were no Jay and Silent Bob, and the content is strictly PG. It’s everything you hate about 90s sitcoms with the name “Clerks” slapped on it, sullying the good name (?) of Clerks and Kevin Smith.
Look upon it below, if you dare….
It’s a wonder Clerks II ever got made if this is what someone’s idea of what Clerks is. Of course, Smith is presently working on Clerks III, which follows the further adventures of the real Dante (Brian O’Halloran) and Randall (Jeff Anderson), 20 years after the events of the original. Jay (Jason Mewes) and Silent Bob (Smith) will also be there and there will be no sign of any tanning salon ditzes or ice cream parlor jerks.