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Bonkers fan theories are nothing new, but this one just might take the cake: Jar Jar Binks may, in fact, be a wildly capable force user and perhaps the uUltimate Sith Lord behind the machinations of the entire saga. As Redditor Lumpawarroo posits, in a post that equals the breadth and research of a PhD dissertation, Jar Jar was “intended to be the prequel (and Dark Side) equivalent of Yoda.”

While the similarities between the two characters do exist – what with both being goofy-looking swamp aliens with ridiculous voices – it’s a little difficult to believe that Jar Jar, who was literally so dumb that he didn’t have the mental faculty not to step in shit, could have been the master puppeteer of the Sith. However, playing dumb for the long con is an oft-explored trope, so who are we to say it’s impossible.

As Lumpawarroo explains, rarely are Force-inept Star Wars characters capable of pulling off the kind of stunts Jar Jar is, ranging from twisting somersaults that would make a child gymnast weep in terror to his strange mastery of what appears to be the Jedi’s special brand of drunken kung-fu. While this on its own isn’t enough to merit much interest, the Redditor continues on to detail how Jar Jar is actually something of a killing machine – remember, he “accidentally” busted up about 5 trillion droids during the Battle of Naboo.

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Also worth noting outside of his battle prescience and seeming parkour skills are his ability to “sense” droids around him, so to speak, and his mockery of Jedi authority (possibly pushing Anakin to learn disrespect for the Order). He’s also from the same planet as Chancellor Palpatine, a.k.a. The Emperor, a.k.a. the sci-fi Satan to Yoda’s God. Sidenote: Larry King did such a fantastic job in that role. Like Lumpawarroo pointed out, the odds of two primary Star Wars characters growing up on the same planet is the equivalent of being next door neighbors on Earth. And it’s telling to note that years after Jar Jar was “tricked” into helping Palpatine win the chancellor election (space politics are the best kind of politics) he still palled around with him well into Revenge of the Sith, rousing questions as to why a political figurehead would spend time chilling with a walking, talking source of perpetual shame. It’s quite possible that Palpatine had other reasons for keeping Ol’ Long Eyes around.

While some of the evidence is compelling, the author’s contention that Disney and the slated directors will resurrect the concept of Jar Jar being some kind of big bad is hard to stomach. The Force Awakens director J.J. “Lens Flare” Abrams has publicly stated that he would’ve loved to kill the character in his film. Jar Jar Binks is also one of the most uniformly hated characters in modern cinema. With the cash-raking potential of a new Star Wars film, Disney execs would have to be insanely cracked out to put such a reviled presence into their new film.

Speaking of Disney, it’s been said that Jar Jar Binks was based off of the ever-beloved Goofy. One is a beloved children’s character – because A Goofy Movie rocked. The other looks like a thirteen-year-old’s concept art for a frog that fell into a vat of toxic sludge and gained the power of being really, incredibly annoying. If that direct insult isn’t enough to scare the heads of Disney away from incorporating Jar Jar, we don’t know what is.

While the original theory gets somewhat close to inspiring a change of heart in regards to the character (just kidding) the poster’s dedication and research have to be applauded. Some theories are little more than fan-fiction slapped on a message board, but this one had a good amount of depth. So, in honor of this Redditor’s beautiful imagination, we’ve come up with several more theories that are equally probable/insane.

 

Jar Jar Binks IS Luke Skywalker

Most fans have been curious as to where the series’ original protagonist is, as he’s been notably MIA from the 4 minutes of released footage. There are some that are speculating that a robotic hand placed on R2-D2 in the trailers belongs to none other than Luke, but others are arguing that it isn’t so. However, one thing is obvious: Jar Jar and Luke are the same person. For one thing, they’ve never appeared together onscreen in any of the films. They’re both also missing from the trailers that have dropped. Coincidence? We think not.

Princess Leia is 3 Ewoks Stacked on Top of Each Other

We think it’s safe to say that the only reason the Ewoks were so friendly to Leia in Return of the Jedi is because she was one of them all along. Leia was actually a high-ranking Ewok military official sent on an undercover mission rife with subterfuge and disguises. It’s also the reasoning for her Cinnabon ears: to cover her more prominent alien features. On top of that, Leia never resorted to using one of their wooden spears because she didn’t want to give herself away with her ingrained forest-creature spear prowess. Nice try, Leia.

R2-D2 is Merely a Mobile Trash Compactor

And he’s even been mass-produced. What a sellout.

Actually, some of those theories might be more plausible than Darth Jar Jar. Though that name does have a good ring to it. Better than Count Dookie – oops, Dooku. Check out the validity of these theories when The Force Awakens released on December 18th.

Category: Film, WTF?

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