For all of you that doubted Deadpool’s (aka Wade Wilson’s) ability to deliver a grade A sales pitch… well, you may have been justified in your doubt. As part of the 12 Days of Deadpool, a viral holiday campaign to promote the new movie, a poster was released featuring our favorite foul-mouthed anti-hero on the cover of Empire Magazine. But wait, there’s more! Ryan Reynolds, clad in his Deadpool duds, brings us a commercial for said magazine issue; filled with enticing extras like a free eye infection, and a backstage pass to a location you can read about after the jump!Here’s the full sales pitch, straight from the merc’s mouth:
“Are you considering buying this month’s Empire? You should. Because your favorite Merc with the Mouth hijacked the entire editorial staff, and made the issue his very own. That’s right. Empire’s editors are locked in my crawlspace desperately longing for the sweet release of death. That left me time to fill these pages with whatever I f****** wanted. Meaning several do-it-yourself recipes involved cornish game hen, freshly pitted green olives, and locally purchased deli meats. And wolf semen. Not to mention pictures of me **** the ever-loving **** out of Kevin Sorbo on a bed of hot brown Hercules pantaloons. And that’s not even the centerfold, which is wall-to-wall **** goblins, ferret chasing leprechauns, and a transcript of at least three of my worst films. You get all of this set to my favorite country tune ‘You’re cryin’ hard, and I’m hard cause you’re cryin’.’ Purchase Empire today, and you’ll receive free of charge, three high-ranking ***** hostages and the complete sexual history of several of the world’s most trusted news anchors. Wait! There’s more. You’ll also get a limited edition eye infection, as well as backstage passes to my asshole. I know, right? Some things are too good to be true. And some things are just too good. On a personal note, this job makes me happier than a United States senator on Hooker Monday. So what are you waiting for? Buy the ******* issue.”
It’s exciting, it’s gross, it’s hilarious, it’s all things Deadpool. For those unfamiliar with the backstory, Deadpool is Wade Wilson- a former Special Forces operative turned mercenary. Equipped with accelerated healing powers after being experimented on, Wilson dubs himself Deadpool and keeps his twisted sense of humor and one-liners coming as he sets out on a mission to find the man responsible for mangling up his life.
Starring Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool, Tim Miller’s directorial debut boasts a supporting cast of Morena Baccarin, Gina Carano, Ed Skrein, T.J. Miller, Brianna Hildebrand, Olesia Shewchuk, Style Dayne, Rachel Sheen and Dan Zachary. Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick handled the script, and while Deadpool has been confirmed as part of the X-Men movie universe, it’s as of yet unknown if he’ll take part in any of their future films.
Hitting theaters on February 12, 2016, Deadpool will have some box office competition against How to Be Single from Warner Bros, and Zoolander 2 from Paramount. After witnessing how convincing Deadpool can be in his “commercial”, though, what’s there to worry about!?