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Sir Patrick Stewart has been a lot of things. Captain of the USS Enterprise. Leader of the X-Men. Friend to Ian McKellan. And he’s even been a Scrooge. But has he ever been a piece of shit? Nah, not him. Not the beloved Patrick Stewart. Never.

That’s where you’re wrong, kiddo. Stewart is a POS, or rather will be soon. And it’s all thanks to that ridiculous Emoji movie.

Emoticons which have become a modern form of communication (and hieroglyphs to anyone above the age of 30) are getting their own animated movie, aptly titled The Emoji Movie. A trailer for it was recently released. Oh, how did the Internet laugh at what an inexplicable absurdity it is. Reaction everywhere being summed up with a unified “Why. Just why!?”.

The movie’s director, Tony Leondis, said of the movie (via THR): “I know what you’re thinking — WTF.” But apparently Leondis justifies this utter waste of a bank roll because of the story:

“ What is their story? Emoji are expected to be one thing their whole lives. So I thought, what if one was born with not one, but lots of expressions … and how would that affect the status quo. Everyone has felt different; it’s everyone’s story.”

OK. Fair enough.

So where does Patrick Stewart fall into this? He will be playing the coveted role of “Poop”, the poop emoji. Presumably so that when and if anyone says he’s crap, he can say “so you saw my movie”. Or perhaps he’s reached a stage in life where he is completely out of f**ks to give. Whatever the case may be, knowing Stewart, he will have a lot of fun with such a shitty role (haha, yes, we went there). Remember kids: “Acting!”

Sir Patrick Stewart will be joining several other comedic talents in The Emoji Movie, including T.J. Miller as the lead character, Gene, the emoji who can have more than one expression. Ilana Glazer, Maya Rudolph, Jennifer Coolidge, Jake T. Austin, James Corden, Steven Wright and Rob Riggle round out the rest of the cast of emoji characters.

The Emoji Movie, which hits theaters on Aug 4, whether anyone likes it or not.

Category: Film

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