Conan entered pop culture long ago when a young Arnold Schwarzenegger (Predator, True Lies, and Twins) took on James Earl Jones’ (Star Wars, Dr. Strangelove, and The Lion King) Thulsa Doom in 1982s cult classic Conan The Barbarian. The film was only the first adaptation of the classic pulp fiction magazines and comics that have been entertaining people since the 1930s. The character has been brought to video game consoles in the past and will soon return in the upcoming game, Conan Exiles, currently available in Early Access on Steam. Like most games these days involving the player taking on a single character, the player has the option to adjust the appearance to suit their own looks or desires. It turns out, Conan Exiles allows for more adjustments than the average game. The following article contains some imagery that is NSFW. You have been warned.

Not only can players adjust the facial appearance, skin color, hair, and the usual stuff; players get a slider for adjusting their penis. Yes, they have digitized genitalia and allowed the player to adjust it as they see fit. Not only can a player set their junk to their preferred length, they can let the world see it in all its glory as well. The game offers the option to adjust the level of nudity they are comfortable with. Do you want to be fully clothed? Maybe just let the top fly and wear a loincloth if that suits you. Of course, if you are a bit more adventurous, you could just let it all go and run through the game entirely nude.

As you can see from the Tweets brought to us by Chris Livingston from ScreenCuisine, the entirety of your character’s junk is on display. This may very well be the first major release of a game that allows people to adjust the size of their avatar’s genitalia… and then shows it to you at every twist and turn. The game play suggests the player begins nude and can later craft items such as clothing, but going commando is certainly an option for some. Don’t fret if you would like to choose a female avatar: you can and that means you get to adjust her *ahem* attributes as well. Here is the official synopsis of Conan Exiles:

“You are an exile, outcast and downtrodden, sentenced to walk in a barbaric wasteland where the weak are crushed and only the strong can live. Here you must fight to survive, build, and dominate the world alone on your own server, or with enemies and allies in online multiplayer. Journey through a vast, seamless world filled with the ruins of ancient civilizations and uncover its dark history and buried secrets as you seek to conquer and dominate the exiled lands yourself. Start with nothing but your bare hands and forge the legacy of your clan, from simple tools and weapons to gigantic fortresses and entire cities. Enslave the bandits of the exiled lands to do your bidding by breaking them on the grueling Wheel of Pain. Sacrifice the beating hearts of your enemies on the blood-soiled altars of your god to seize true power and glory. Summon the colossal avatar of your god and see them lay waste to your enemies and their homes. Just remember: in this brutal land of vengeful gods, bloodthirsty cannibals, and vicious monsters, survival is more than tracking down food and water. Explore mysterious ruins in search of treasure and knowledge, but beware the risk of your mind being corrupted by the dark forces of the world. Traverse vast sand dunes and seek shelter from scouring sandstorms sweeping across the burning sands. March into war against your enemies and unleash your savage fury in brutal combat. Go in unprepared and it will be your head rolling and limbs flying. Conan Exiles is not an empty sandbox. It is a world rich in history where you must discover the knowledge and secrets of ancient civilizations as you struggle to build your own.”

If you want to check out Conan Exiles for yourself (And let’s face it, who wouldn’t?), you can purchase a copy via Early Access on Steam for $29.99. And now to close out this piece, here’s a bit more hanging dong for your enjoyment:

You can’t say you weren’t warned. Happy hunting and don’t forget what is best in life:

Category: Videogames

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