“Midichlorian Rhapsody” —  nerd maestro’s Jeff & Maya tell the tale of Anakin Skywalker’s story from his humble beginnings through his emergence as the Dark Lord of the Sith, all to the tune of Queens “Bohemiam Rhapsody”. It’s pretty much the best thing ever. It almost makes the tragedy that is the prequels almost bearable.

Check out duo’s collection of nerdy classic rock parodies, Grated Hits.

source: thedailywhat

Forget the Avengers Assembling (full cast of Marvels ‘The Avengers taking stage at the Marvel press panel),  the most talked about happening of San Diego Comic-Con, was the infamous nerd stabbing of Hall H. If y’all don’t recall, some nerd, in a Harry Potter t-shirt decided to get stab happy and insert a pen  into another nerds eye for not changing seats or something.

Well, profiting from the random act of nerd violence is mightyfine.com. These tasteless, but funny bastards (kinda like us) decided to print a t-shirt for all those that survived the drama. Titled ‘I survived The Comic-Con Eye Stabbing’  this $20.00 is for all those who walked away from the event unscathed.

And, while we all laugh at this, the guy with one less eye,  probably isn’t.

(Post by nerdbastards contributor Nick Bungay- Twitter @NickBungay)

The Doctor really does save the day, what a time traveling gentleman. Matt Smith, seen below, swings in to save the day (and ta-tas) of Daisy Lowe. Yes, the daughter of Gavin Rosedale was saved from a Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction by a time lord. The little bugger even takes a second to look down and sneak a peek at what he’s holding. Now, if they’d only throw something as good as this (or better) in an episode of ‘Doctor Who’. Who know, maybe the sonic screwdriver unlocks more than doors?

Take a look below at the time lord’s shenanigans between adventures:

source: bleedingcool

(Retro movie review is a bi-weekly feature by guest writer Delilah Dawson. D. takes a look back at some of our generations best nerdiest movies and makes us appreciate them all over again.)

You know it. You love it. And if you don’t, you’re a jerk.

It’s Total Recall, and it’s one of the best movies ever made. Based on a short story by Philip K. Dick titled We Can Remember It For You Wholesale, this movie is so good that we own three different copies of it. One came with my dowry, one came from my husband’s family vault, and one we bought recently on DVD and set up in a small shrine. But enough about me.

You want to hear the short version of Total Recall.

It starts out with a dream.

Doug Quaid– who is not related to Randy or Dennis– is a regular working stiff who lives in a hollowed out, futuristic office building with his super hot wife, Sharon Stone.

And Total Recall was one of the first movies to have severe amounts of product placement, so she pretty much spends the entire movie with a Nike swoosh on her forehead.

But she’s not good enough for Doug. See, he has these recurring dreams that he’s on Mars with a hot brunette.

But mean ol’ Sharon Stone won’t let Doug go to Mars because she’s a nagging fishwife.

Quaid’s on his way to his job jackhammering large bits of rock when he sees an advertisement for Rekall, a company that saves you money by implanting memories of vacations. You don’t have to travel, get motion sick, tip waiters, get sunburned, or make annoying small talk in line at the buffet. It sounds like a pretty good deal. But then–

Shh. Not now, Kuato. I haven’t gotten to you yet.

Ahem.

Anyway, Mars is very dangerous because Halliburton… I mean, this guy named Cohaagen… is mining all the terbinium that Earth needs for some unspecified war. And there are mutants all over Mars because Cohaagen built shoddy domes, and now the mutants are rioting because they don’t like being all mutated and stuff. So Quaid decides to go to Rekall and take a fake vacation.

Or a “favation”, in 2010 terms. It’s like a “staycation”, but not as lame, because at least you get a t-shirt with Rekall.

But something goes wrong.

ZOMGWTFBBQ, Quaid has a schizoid embolism and goes teh craxy!!11!1!!

They were supposed to implant him with a martian vacation as a secret agent, but it turns out that–

Seriously, Kuato. GO AWAY. You’re scaring people, and I’ve got a lot more story to tell.

So it turns out that Quaid REALLY IS A SEKRET AJENT! OH NOES!

So he runs away and has to put on Professor Quirrell’s turban and pull a tracker out of his brain.

And then he has to go to Mars because he has this super-futuristic LAPTOP COMPUTER in which he tells himself to do that. So, like, he does.

And he has a nifty costume to get through Martian customs.

The customs guy asks the lady how long she’s staying, and she says “Two weeks”. And then he asks her if she’s carrying any vegetables (because I’m sure that’s going to ruin the special ecosystem of Mars, the rock planet), but the costume messes up. All it can say is “Two weeks”. Then it falls apart, Quaid runs, and the lady’s head is A BOMB.

But because of Total Recall, around our house, “Two weeks” is a magic word, much like on PeeWee’s Playhouse. Anytime someone says “Two weeks”, we flip out.

Anyway, Quaid gets to Mars, goes to the Mars Hilton, which is by the Mars Jack In the Box, and ends up at Venusville, where the whores and freaks hang out, because whores and freaks just go together like New Coke and Pop Rocks. And then he meets the person that everyone remembers from Total Recall.

Yes, friends. It’s the triple-breasted whore.

But this screenshot also demonstrates one of the coolest things about Total Recall: it is seriously good at predicting the future. Huge flat-screen televisions. Sharon Stone learning tennis from a hologram that’s freakily reminiscent of Wii. Product placement everywhere. Crazy airport X-ray security. Even the aluminum water bottles in that scene above that are currently the *only* safe way to drink water without getting the cancer.

But I digress.

What else happens? Quaid is really a bad guy who had his memory wiped to learn ancient alien secrets from Kuato, the mysterious leader of the mutant revolt.

I said Kuato.

Kuato? All that interrupting, and you can’t even show up on cue?

Come on, man. Drop the beer and tell Quaid what he’s supposed to do.

No. That’s wrong. He’s supposed to start the reactor. Quaid is supposed to start the secret alien reactor that will melt the glacier in the center of Mars and bring oxygen to the world so that the mutants and whores won’t have to live under cheap domes and have runny foreheads.

It’s pretty deep.

Oh, and he shoots his wife in the head, too.

But it’s okay, because she wasn’t really his wife. She was really the girlfriend of Cohaagen’s #1 goon, Michael Ironside, the most under-appreciated actor in Hollywood.

And they try to reprogram Quaid’s brain again, but he uses his amazingly enormous muscles to break out of the machine, which looks suspiciously like something from a futuristic gynecologist’s office.

So he gets out, he gets the girl, and he starts the reactor. The alien ex machina does something that looks like lightsabers humping, and then the smoke monster from Lost busts a lot of sugar glass, and then the weird midget whore doesn’t die and Quaid and Athletic Brunette Hooker #41A don’t asphyxiate and everyone is happy on Mars.

Oops. Got my favorite nerd movies confused there. Usul does not approve!

But to be serious, you probably already love Total Recall. If not, go watch it. Revel in Ah-nold trying to act. In Sharon Stone making out with Michael Ironside. In the weirdest bunch of freaks ever to grace a movie set. In a startlingly accurate vision of the future, minus holiday space travel, of course.

I give Total Recall three mutant thumbs up.

For more pundit musings and other various goofy-ness you can check out Delilah’s website unrulyhelpmeet.com. You can also follow her on twitter @DelilahSDawson

Wow, talk about creepy videos. What we have here is a Chef Boyardee commercial featuring a talking blanket. A talking blanket not being creepy enough, some clever  twisted son of a bitch thought it be cute to replace the audio of whatever pedo blanket was talking about with Samual L. Jacksons biblical monologue from the movie ‘Pulp Fiction’. You’d think a Samual L. Jackson blankett berating a bunch of little kids would  amuse me, but all it’s done is creep me out and leave me with a craving for some Beef Ravioli.

source: gorillamask

(Post by nerdbastards contributor Nick Bungay- Twitter @NickBungay)

Hey Bastards. It’s Friday. You know what that means? That’s right, it’s another addition of “Sexy Cosplay of The Week”. Where we recognize a cute/hot nerdy girl for her portrayal of pop culture characters.

There’s nothing better than a hot chick who loves to dress up like an anime and other pop characters.It gives us a false sense of hope that we might actually have a chance with them due to the fact that one faucet of their life resonates with our truly pathetic, basement dwelling lives.

This week we speak the name of: Pixiekitty. Resident of the state of Pennsylvania, Pixiekitty has been doing cosplay since 2002 and I’ll be damned if isn’t she looking good doing it. The Blonde (with black highlights) 5′2″ bombshell has a Medical Technology degree and is employed in a microbiology lab at a local hospital. This is a woman dedicated to her job but in her spare time she designs websites and runs her own domain, Pixiekitty.net .She even has 4 pets running around her home in the form of 2 dogs (Kimmie and Franklin) and 2 hamsters (Rude and Reno). Sorry thought gentlemen, and ladies, she’s married to fellow cosplayer Neon Genocide. This is a woman you don’t bring home to momma, you bring momma to her.
Being part of her first cosplay event as Claire Redfield (Resident Evil) during Otakon 2002 she’s been doing a fantastic job wherever she’s been. It must be tough to look like every young man’s wet dream but hey, she makes it look easy. Having interests in a little bit of everything from videogames to anime, to an obscene addiction to San-X (Nyanko Cat plushies) she’s the true definition of a nerd’s perfect dream. She’s dressed as the most recognized character’s from some of the top series of every media and keeps going.
Starting out with only 2 costumes under her belt, Pixiekitty has steadily increased her experience into 51 separate cosplay characters. From Yuna (FFX &FFX2) to this years very sexy Ex Mode Ultimecia (Final Fantasy Dissidia). With photos and video of each and every cosplay hosted on Pixiekitty.net you’re always going to have something to look at. She’s even nice enough to give you tutorials on how to make parts for your own cosplay character, what a doll.

Pixiekitty is a real sight for sore eyes in sea of bad, grease stained costumes on a convention floor. Even without her costume, no not naked (I’m not getting in trouble), Pixiekitty is still a sexy little minx. She musn’t stuff for any of these costumes either, they’ve gotta be real.  Every time she shows up to a show she must have people putting their eyes back on the superglued faces. Be nice enough to say hello the next time you see her, not drool at her feet (she might like that better though).

Pixiekitty, this week’s ‘Sexy Cosplay of The Week’. You may now pick up your jaws and take a look for yourself at the self made beauty.

click after the jump for a compilation of Pixie’s Cosplay. To see the full collection be sure to hop on over to her web page: Pixiekitty.net

(Post by nerdbastards contributor Nick Bungay- Twitter @NickBungay)

Those reading Buffy The Vampire Slayer Season 8 have another reason to keep a stake close to their chest this month. Joss Whedon revealed to the loyal readers in the final pages of issue #36 that a shocking return is in the works. What could it be? Well, take a look at the exclusive cover of Buffy’s biggest issue yet!

A ‘censored’ (as in cocktease) version of the next cover was already released to the public (pictured above). Yet, here’s the true cover in all it’s unadulterated glory:

CLICK AFTER THE JUMP FOR THE REVEAL

That ain’t no Angel folks, It’s season one’s very own blood sucking Master! Back from the dead(again) to raise hell in the final story arc of Buffy season 8, written by Whedon himself of course. Here’s a quick look at issue #37:

Spike and Buffy are finally reunited (*sigh*) and lucky him-he’s discovered the source of all her problems, and it’s not Angel. Now Buffy must revisit the place where love was indiscriminate, the Scoobies were formed, and Hell’s mouth was closed for good.

Joss Whedon and Georges Jeanty launch readers into the finale of Buffy Season Eight, promising more adventure, twists, and turns. Bonds are tested, lives altered, and oh!-the fate of humanity hangs in the balance.

Well, it looks like there’s gonna be all sorts of trouble before the last punch is thrown in Sunnydale.  Joss Whedon and Georges Jeanty promising readers more adventure, twists, and turns then the all music episode! The Scoobies bond will be tested, lives altered, and once again the fate of the word in their hands. Why can’t it ever be a fight over who gets to ride shotgun.

source: io9

Star Warsfan Rebecca Crane found made a wonderful use of her spare time (which nerds seem to have an awful lot of) and created a map of The United States of Star Wars. Each state on the map represents a different planet/location from the Star Warsuniverse. Texas is Kessel, Oregon is Endor, Maine is Naboo…etc. Each state is based on similarities in geography as well as the type of people that reside there. Here is a little more info…

There are probably tens of planets that work for each state, I picked either the first one that I came to or the best fit.

Planets were assigned based on partial terrain, landmarks that correlate with the planet and state, types of people in the state and planet, famous landmarks, or slightly randomly selected (but loosely based on facts) from my brother and myself. 

In case you can identify all of the Star Wars States Rebecca made a list of what state corresponds with what planet. (AFTER THE JUMP)

source: geekologie

Alabama – Trandosha
Alaska – Hoth
Arizona – Korriban
Arkansas – Thyferra
California – Adumar
Colorado – Mandalore
Connecticut – Alderaan
Delaware – Eriadu
Florida – Dagobah
Georgia – Taris
Hawaii – Mon Calamari
Idaho – Corellia
Illinois – Almania
Indiana – Moorja
Iowa – Taanab
Kansas – Lok
Kentucky – Umgul
Louisiana – Ord Mantell
Maine – Naboo
Maryland – Sluis Van
Massachusetts – Dathomir
Michigan – Kuat
Minnesota – Iego
Mississippi – Telos IV
Missouri – Talus
Montana – Wayland
Nebraska – Ansion
Nevada – Pantolomin
New Hampshire – Adarlon
New Jersey – Nar Shaddaa
New Mexico – Tatooine
New York – Coruscant
North Carolina – Brentaal IV
North Dakota – Nubia
Ohio – Dantooine
Oklahoma – Thule
Oregon – Endor
Pennsylvania – Tython
Rhode Island – Clak’dor VII
South Carolina – Death Star
South Dakota – Chandrila
Tennessee – Yavin IV
Texas – Kessel
Utah – Geonosis
Vermont – Ilum
Virginia – Fondor
Washington – Kashyyyk
West Virginia – Bespin
Wisconsin – Falleen
Wyoming – Bakura

The remake of 80’s horror flick and cult classic, Fright Night — the story of Charley Brewster discovering his next door neighbor Jerry Dandridge is a vampire, then turning to vampire hunter Peter Vincent to help kill him – is coming to theatres in October 2011. One significant change — Roddy McDowall’s vampire killer has been replaced by David Tennant as a goofy Chris Angel like illusionist.

To quote David Tennant as Doctor Who: “What?”

Apparently, the creatives behind the remake thought the idea of a vampire hunter (particularly the idea that Peter Vincent was actually an actor living out his glory days and hosting a late night horror show) was somehow too ridiculous. Instead, they thought a magician with way too much eye liner and penchant for leather wear was much more reasonable.

Now, I am all for changes to source material (particularly when they makes sense. I.E. making Spider-Mans web shooters organic) , but within reason. This is ridiculous. Jesus Christ with guyliner? Come on now, your not even trying!

FULL SIZE PIC AFTER THE JUMP

source: slashfilm

Another day, another nerd porn parody. With the recent success of Batman: An XXX Parody, The Sex Files: A Dark XXX Parody and other nerd inspired titles, the porn industry has found new ground in spoofing nerd/geek properties. Gee, who would have thought sex and superheroes would sell? Suffice to say, now that the nerd-porn spoof cherry (wow, say that 3 times fast) has been popped, a wave of nerd properties ranging from superheroes, the supernatural and Sci-Fi are are waiting or are in process of getting adapted. Superman and Stars Wars being ones we are looking forward to the most. One, of the latest titles, however to be hitting shelves is Paul Thomas’s (The Da Vinci Load)  ‘The Twilight Zone Porn Parody’.

“The Twilight Zone” explored a world of dark, sci-fi fantasies, often turning our understanding of the world around us on its head. Will Twilight Zone the Porn Parody do the same? From a story perspective probably not, but it’s sure to turn heads, one way or another. Will have to withhold our judgment until we see it (and see it we shall). Regardless of story, “The Twilight Zone Porn Parody” stars Kimberly Kane (of The Sex Files parody) and when Kimberly Kane is involved you know your in for a penis breaking good time. This bitch is HAWT!

The story-Set in a distant era of cocktails with lunch, and gender-specific roles, biblical virtue found itself being challenged by a couple of new neighbors, whose penchant for earthy carnal pleasures dominate the archaic and self-suppressing morals practiced by the rest of the town. In a quest to uncover the mystery behind the new family, known as The Stones, Kimberly Kane finds herself drawn in and seduced by the enticing and mystifying lifestyle known as swinging.

The DVD is out now and available for purchase here (Only$ 39.99) WATCH THE SAFE FOR WORK TRAILER BELOW.

source: fleshbot