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This week on The Bastardcast, which is a thing you apparently listen to, Jeremy and Jason discuss why Dan Aykroyd‘s hope tastes like tumor salad. Also, the great question of life is asked: why is Futurama no longer a TV show but Vanilla Ice churning freaking butter is?

Wait! There are more things! Can JJ Abrams woo George Lucas away from the butter sculpting circuit (and if not, will Lucas align with Vanilla Ice to form the unstoppable butter-duo “Ice Ice Jawa”?)

Also, do robot’s draw dicks on mars and order pizza via Xbox because they are freaking douche bags? Is Joss Whedon pulling an us while really mailing it in with SHIELD? Will there ever be a good Daredevil movie? Do you even remember the long abandoned Bastardcast VERSUS segment? And who is the biggest one-eyed freaking badass on Earth: Nick Fury or Snake Plissken?

We don’t know the answer to any of this stuff, but we do know that Anthony Michael Hall and Ethan Embry’s work on a banner and a jacket to welcome Ed Helms to the Rusty Grisswold club is a COMPLETE FREAKING WASTE!

All of that and our slightly tardy 2010 Winter Movie Preview, on The Bastardcast!

The Bastardcast: Can we say fuck on here?

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Wow, was this one hell of an episode! With a name like “Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS” expectations were, expectantly, high. And I’ll say not only did it deliver, but my expectations were exceeded! This is Doctor Who at its very best. Engaging, exciting, frightening, and occasionally frustrating with the tantalizing clues it’ll wave in your face only to stuff them back in its pockets. The TARDIS is given center stage as not only the episode’s entire setting but as an equally valuable character. “Journey” is gripping and horrific where “The Doctor’s Wife” was sad and sweet. And honestly, I’m not at all surprise I found this to be one of the best episodes since “The Doctor’s Wife” because if Doctor Who has another, often forgotten star alongside The Doctor, it is the TARDIS.

She has appeared in every episode and serial of the series since it began in 1963, and for as little as we know about The Doctor, we know even less of her. In this year of Doctor Who‘s golden anniversary it seems only right we get know the TARDIS, and The Doctor, a little better. She is a mass of corridors, which I find only too fitting, what with Doctor Who‘s penchant for a good corridor. She is quite literally infinite, able to create and destroy on whim. She is filled to the brim with memories and you hear several of them bleeding out when the console is being dismantled. She is powered by a dying star, held within The Eye of Harmony in a constant state of decay; Time Lord engineering (“Smart bunch, Time Lords, no dress sense, dreadful hats, but smart.“) Inside her library – and hey did you catch the swimming pool? – is the complete Encyclopedia Gallifreya as well as a large, ominous looking book containing the entire history of the Time War. It was at this point I realized, “Journey” was going to raise a lot more questions than it could answer.

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OFFICER: Do you have a history of sleepwalking, Mr. Graham?
WILL: I’m not even sure if I’m awake now.

(NOTE: This review contains graphic and pretty fucking gnarly images – so, if that’s not your cup of tea…well, you’ve been warned. As for the rest of you sick bastards: Enjoy!)

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Every week we provide your young minds with the best entertainment the Internet can provide, but on Friday it’s all about the Sexy Cosplay of the Week. So let’s skip the pleasantries and get done to business with America’s angel, Callie Cosplay.

In keeping with other American cosplayers we’ve featured recently, this Florida resident certainly brings both the cosplay and the sexy. Looking stunningly similar to Kat Dennings, Callie has been bringing the fellas to their knees with every new costume she debuts. With her super hero obsession and ability to make every costume her own, this fighter knows how to keep on going. I say fighter, because she’s been struggling with health issues for years.  Regardless, Callie continues to maintain several jobs and her fan base.

This fiery costume maker has rocked the best of both Marvel and DC; with cosplays of  Mary Jane Watson, Black Cat, Wonder Woman and Supergirl. All of which are in the image gallery below. Check em’ out.
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Back from another hiatus and with the promise of an epic Deadshot showdown, my hopes for this episode of Arrow were high, so my slight disappointment is really all my own fault. Well, possibly mine and those behind the marketing of “Home Invasion.” And this isn’t me saying this was a bad episode, it’s not, but when you promote the hell out of Deadshot and he basically is filling in this episode’s B plot, I’m going to be a little let down.

So what was the A plot of “Home Invasion”? A family Laurel (Katie Cassidy) is representing plans to sue a greedy, corrupt business man who lost all their savings. Unfortunately – because nothing good ever happens in Starling City – that business man, Edward Rasmus (Al Sapienza) calls in a hit on the family and the mother and father end up dead. The only survivor is the little boy who Laurel takes into her custody until extended family can be found and she and the boy become the hunted targets of Rasmus’ hitman (J. August Richards). Which means protecting Laurel becomes Ollie (Stephen Amell), or rather The Hood’s, top priority.

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We celebrate some of the finest lady cosplayers the net has to offer in our weekly Sexy Cosplay of the Week feature. We love Sexy Cosplay of the Week – it is an institution here at NerdBastards – but the staff thought it was about time that we did something to celebrate some of the sexiest male cosplays we could find.

So, with that in mind, we bring you this Salute to Sexy Male Cosplay, because damn it, you deserve a good dose of eye candy and these guys deserve a little bit of recognition for their awesome costumes, attention to detail, and abs that make all the guys here at NerdBastards feel extremely inadequate.

So enjoy the Nerd Bastards’ Salute to Sexy Male Cosplay!

Hit the jump for all the muscles and fabric you can enjoy and send your own to nerdbastardcosplay@gmail.com so we can keep doing this.

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This week on The Bastardcast, Jason and Jeremy talk about a nightmare Justice League cast, why Smurfs hate Jamie Foxx, why Guillermo del Toro (like many others) hates Michael Bay, why everybody hates Gwyneth Paltrow, and how a bunch of toys that were designed in 1979, might be the key to solving all the lingering questions from Prometheus.

Also on the show: The boys investigate what both G-Pal (we call her G-Pal now) and Iron Man smell like, what it would be like if Arnold Schwarzenegger replaced Kelly LeBrock in the Weird Science remake, how Porn Inspector would look on a resume, and why Patton Oswalt, the guy from Monk, and Superman are freaking awesome, and possibly the same person (bum! Bum!! BUM!!!).

If that gets your blood pumping, don’t miss Jeremy traumatizing his son, and Jason calling for hand job flavored cough medicine before raging about his uncapitalized upon rumble pack masturbatory aide invention and the magical vibrating underthings that are swooping in to capitalize on that market. ‘

All that and unicorn recipes that will make your head spin, on The Bastardcast.

The Bastardcast: Your mother’s dirty secret.

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Two scary stories in a row from Doctor Who. They must really be trying to harken back to those days when children would watch from between their fingers or from hiding behind the sofa. And “Hide” manages to be scary in all those ways we love stories to be scary. Set in an old, eerie looking manor where wailing and knocking can be heard and every once in a while there’s an apparition of a screaming woman. Staying at the house hoping to discover the ghost – or ghaaast – is Professor Alec Palmer (Dougray Scott), a former WWII spy now living with guilt and working as a paranormal investigator, and Emma Grayling (Jessica Raines), an empathic psychic and associate, or rather companion, to the professor. The whole premise is like something out of a 70s horror film – think The Legend of Hell House – and The Doctor and Clara simply stumble in, looking to do some ghostbusting.

If “The Rings of Akhaten” and “Cold War”, while good, were on the weaker end of the Who spectrum, “Hide” is definitely a swing back to the strong end. The setup relies heavily on the ghost hunters premise and it allows us to dive right into the investigation. Which is quite creepy. Much of the photographic evidence gathered by the Professor and Emma look like scenes out of The Ring video, with a ghostly white figure and its stretched, screaming face. Doctor Who has really excelled at creating unique atmosphere’s for each of its episodes this season. Whether it’s the thrilling, fast-paced city of London in “The Bells of Saint John”, or the beautiful, vibrant “Akhaten”, to the claustrophobic, damp, and bleak “Cold War.” Out of all, “Hide” is probably the best. That manor house is ideal with its creaky hallways and shrouded rooms, and the “surrounding” woods of the pocket universe are equally as spooky.

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Oh man are you guys gonna love this one.

So, we’re three episodes into a new season of Game of Thrones. The halfway point is closer than you think, and more than once the season’s been called slow by viewers (yes, even me). But, as you may recall, I’ve defended the show. I’ve said that often the early episodes are about putting new pieces of the puzzle together so the payoff can come, and it’s all being done so elegantly that I don’t care much about the pace. Well, the “slow” criticisms stop here. “And Now His Watch Is Ended” is not only the most exhilarating episode of this season so far. It’s also got the potential to be one of the most pivotal episodes in the history of the show.

Note: Once again, I’m writing an advance review here, so no big plot spoilers for the episode will follow. However, there will of course be spoilers for the rest of the season so far.

In King’s Landing, Margaery (Natalie Dormer) and Olenna (Diana Rigg) continue to work their charms on Joffrey (Jack Gleeson) and Sansa (Sophie Turner), though Cersei (Lena Headey) is still suspicious. Meanwhile Varys (Conleth Hill) has his own business with Olenna, as well as Tyrion (Peter Dinklage), and Cersei has business with her father (Charles Dance). In the North, Bran (Isaac Hempstead-Wright) ventures deeper into his dreams with the help of Jojen (Thomas Brodie-Sangster), while Arya (Maisie Williams) must find new courage among the Brotherhood. Still lost somewhere in Westeros, Theon (Alfie Allen) laments his choices. Beyond The Wall, the rifts within the Night’s Watch grow deeper. In the Crown Lands, Jaime (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) is reeling from the aftermath of his punishment. And in Astapor, Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) makes good on her bargain with the Unsullied slavemaster.

Again, there are a number of highlights that I just can’t talk about because you haven’t seen them yet, but I can tell you a bit more broadly about what I loved. I talked a lot last season about my love for the complex and often deceptive relationship between Varys and Tyrion, and this episode contains the very best scene between the two of them yet, and because of the nature of their relationship it’s one of those things that could turn out to be exceptionally important or could just be more smoke blown from either of them. But hey, that’s part of the fun, and Hill and Dinklage are both at their absolute best.

I also, for some reason, really noticed in this episode just how detailed the regional differences are in the show’s production design. Watch Margaery walk next to Sansa. Their costumes each say different thing about the wearer, but they’re also part of a larger landscape of costume design, armor design, weaponry, food and everything else that makes up this world. It’s the same level of detail that made the design work in The Lord of the Rings so good, and it’s never been applied to television in quite this way before. It struck me particularly hard watching this episode, so take a moment and savor that.

But more importantly (and again, I can’t spoil anything for you), this is the episode where everything about this season really begins to move forward in a really energetic, proper badass way, particularly in the final minutes. It’s the sort of episode that leaves you absolutely invigorated and makes you flat-out angry that you can’t watch what happens next right now. I think we’ll look back on this episode and call it one of the most important of the season, and certainly one of the most fun.

Note: This is the last of my advance reviews for this season, so if you’re reading my reviews, look for the next one on Sunday night after I’ve watched it right along with the rest of you.

(Advance screening courtesy of HBO)

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“Miss Lounds, it’s not very smart to piss off a guy who thinks about killing people for a living.”

–Will Graham

Welcome, fellow diners, to another scrumptious look at the continuing adventures of Hannibal ‘N Pals.

While the above quote may be from Special Investigator Will Graham (Hugh Dancy) to the fabulous, yet amoral Freddie Lounds (Lara Jean Chorostecki – and yes, according to IMDB, I’ve been misspelling “Freddie” for the past two reviews), Episode Three of Hannibal is almost exclusively the story of Abigail Hobbs (Kacey Rohl). Abigail is the now-orphaned daughter of the Minnesota Shrike: Garrett Jacob Hobbs – the serial killer Graham took down with the assistance of Dr. Hannibal Lecter (Mads Mikkelsen).

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