The remake of 80’s horror flick and cult classic, Fright Night — the story of Charley Brewster discovering his next door neighbor Jerry Dandridge is a vampire, then turning to vampire hunter Peter Vincent to help kill him – is coming to theatres in October 2011. One significant change — Roddy McDowall’s vampire killer has been replaced by David Tennant as a goofy Chris Angel like illusionist.

To quote David Tennant as Doctor Who: “What?”

Apparently, the creatives behind the remake thought the idea of a vampire hunter (particularly the idea that Peter Vincent was actually an actor living out his glory days and hosting a late night horror show) was somehow too ridiculous. Instead, they thought a magician with way too much eye liner and penchant for leather wear was much more reasonable.

Now, I am all for changes to source material (particularly when they makes sense. I.E. making Spider-Mans web shooters organic) , but within reason. This is ridiculous. Jesus Christ with guyliner? Come on now, your not even trying!

FULL SIZE PIC AFTER THE JUMP

source: slashfilm

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So it’s as if the Nintendo brand isn’t for children any longer.  I hope this shit is rated M for mature.  Geekologie reports that the “geniuses” at Mojowijo have made attachments for the Wiimote that can turn your Wiimote into a vibrator or…jerk-off circle?  I don’t know what you’d call that claw-like hand but I know one thing for sure; if I had a dick, that hand-y thing would not be going near it, thank you very much.  The following video shows how the technology works, I suppose.  It’s silent and features… well, just watch it.  I have no idea.

The man pictured above has given some people another reason to complain how video games are evil. Timothy Hammerstone is a 22 year old Florida resident who is facing 16 counts of possession of child porn. How did he get the child porn you ask? Why, he offered a 10 year old for $20 worth of Microsoft points for some naked pictures. When the police arrested Hammerstone, they found a flash drive containing 40 pictures (I guess he told the boy each picture gives him 40 MS points) of the boy naked.

It seems that the 360/PS3 has been used as a device for predators to find their young bait with the help of the chat and web camera feature. Both systems does have parental control options and stuff like this could have been prevented if parents supervise their young children, especially a 10 year olds, online activity.

Source: Kotaku

Many toy collectors collect for one reason or another, each having their own special meaning to what they collect. Normally it’s just a harmless hobby. (A hobby that deflects the attraction of the opposite sex and thus hurts your genitals from getting some action but, all-in-all harmless). It becomes a problem, however when a person takes this little hobby and takes it one step too far. For thirty-year old Yoshifumo Takabe, a factory worker from Japan, it was burning his own home down (with himself inside) after Takabe’s mother tried to throw out his collection of Gundam models.

The story-Originally run by the Anime News Network (Godzilla must have been a vacation), took place on August 9th, 2009 at 2:10pm. Takabe tried to burn down his home in a rage (nerd rage) after part of his Gundam collection was taken away. Instead of killing himself, he destroyed his 2,400 square foot property. His defense argued that he fell into despair without his collection, calling them “as important as part of his own body” and asked for a suspended sentence.

The Judge, Hiroshi Mori, denied the request and handed down a four year prision sentence, instead of the requested five to thirty year sentence. He really got off lucky after burning down his home but the man really needs to chill out, drink tea at least. When you freak out after your fifty-five year old mother only tossed part of you collection, it’s time for a new hobby. After he gets out in 2015 lets hope he’s taken up Tai-chi(or at least knitting).

(Post by nerdbastards contributor Nick Bungay- Twitter @NickBungay)

WARNING: Before you read any further keep in mind if your underage to look at this kind of stuff you might get in trouble. This is highly NSFW and recomended for adults only. This cannot be unseen and you can’t drink this into looking good.

The Zombie Art Dildos from Necronomicox (that’s right) are entirely what it sounds and looks like: a fake zombie thrill drill.

“Each one costing to the tune of $195 and hand-painted to your twisted perversion. Each one of the necro weenie even comes in it’s own custom bag and carries with it a certificate of authenticity.

This hand crafted and body safe (7-inch) silicone dildo is more detailed than any dildo you have ever seen before. The artists not only have sculpted an insane mostrosity for you from the influence of some your favorite horror classics… but they also hand paint each dildo to give it personality, and gruesome reality. It is a labor of love to make these phalo-horrors, so they’re not cheap. But they are, in 2 words, perfectly horiffic.”

Perfectly horrific is right. As in once your boyfriend or date sees one of these badboys they’ll be screaming out the door! If you want it that bad you might as well kill yourself, at least she (or he) will have exactly what they were looking.

Uncensored product image after the jump

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(Post by nerdbastards contributor Nick Bungay- Twitter @NickBungay)

Ever wondered where Tron was in the world of sexual how-to guides? Well at long last comes the nerds solution to the Kama-Sutra. The “Tron-a-Sutra”, aptly named “SCORE – a users guide to sexual positions” (you read correctly). Whoever did this blended the oldest and most notable group of texts with white suits and 80’s special effects. I mean come on, there’s nothing sexier then a glowing woman and a double chinned man teaching you to “ride the lightcycle”.

The Tron-a-Sutra, while only 20 positions, is still graphic to look at (so don’t look at this while at work). With names like the scorpion, the armchair and the victory it’s gonna perk more then a person’s interests. The notable humor is well a plus though (ie: Super Mario coin effects for a pop up G-spot sign). Made with a RED camera, After Effects, a Mac, and a couple crappy bicycle helmets, it’s still looks to be engaging (to say the least).

Still, if your underage it’s highly recomended you don’t click thru to see the first 10  illustrations and videos. unless you wanna be grounded well past the Tron 2 release date.

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Right, so a few weeks ago, there was the whole deal with George Lucas wanting to sue and then deciding not to sue a company that made lightsaberesque laser-dealies. That was nice, because it wasn’t like they were going out of their way to use the Star Wars name in their marketing and whatnot.

This week, though, oy.

LucasFilm has filed a $5 trademark suit against a company that, in the dumbest Star Wars-related idea since midichlorians, calls itself–wait, wait for it–Jedi Mind, Inc. Said company, which has NO affiliation with LucasFilm, sells a headband that purports to read your brainwaves to control videogames or computer applications.

My first thought was, “Oh, so it’s about as useful as the Atari Mindlink, but has brass balls big enough to even think of using the name Jedi for the product.”

It’s not like a company that makes metric shitloads of money based on TRADEMARKED merchandise is likely to turn a blind eye to this sort of thing. I mean, why not just call it, “Hey, Neckbeard, I Dare You To Sue Me! Neener-Neener-Neener”?

Come on, people. Use your frickin’ brains here.

(via Blastr)

Holy crap, what is this guy on and where can we get it? Seriously, I’ve come across some really cooky sons of bitches in my day but this guy takes the cake. This crazy asshole (god love him) records himself in front of a swampy type forest and proceeds to not only try to convince us that Elves are real, but teaches us how we can attract them with fruit and chopsticks. If you think this guy isn’t being serious may we point out that yes indeed he is. He and his ilk are the same cucko fucks that have Seeing and Sensing Gnomes..Hey Looky Hea’d: A Direct Approach to Seeing the Gnomes, Elves, Leprechauns and Fairies Around You and Learning How to Sense Their Presence and Influence in Your Life (I’m serious, that’s the book title) on top of their toilet. Eh, who knows, perhaps this guy is telling the truth. If that’s the case then who dropped the pixie dust and told him all their secrets? Is nothing sacred? Seriously, the Keibler elves are gonna be mighty pissed if their recipe for cookies and other delicious treats end up in the hands of the Smurfs or any other woodland creature with a penchant for commercialism.

Hit the video below for 8 minutes of this guy trippin balls. You may think 8 minutes is too long to invest, but once you hit play you’ll realize that it’s not nearly enough.

source: geekologie

The one drawback of playing imaginative video games is that they have the inadvertent effect of making you sound like a dingleberry. And I don’t mean this in a “playing 24/7, no contact with real-life humans” kind of way.

Just a regular person playing games can sound like he or she is a few tacos short of a combo platter. That’s because video games are disturbingly jacked-up. Any time you try to explain something that, in the context of the game, seems perfectly normal, you will sound like a giant weirdo.

For example, let’s take a game from my childhood: BurgerTime. Try explaining the gameplay to someone and see how many weird looks you get.

“Okay, so you’re a chef, and you have to climb ladders and scaffolding to build giant burgers by walking over each layer so it falls below. Oh, plus you have to avoid the walking hot dogs, pickle chips, and fried eggs, because they will kill you if they touch you. You can stun them by spraying them with pepper, or you can try to walk over a burger layer while they’re under it, crushing them.”

Katamari Damacy: “Shit! I was so close to getting up to 5 meters. If I had rolled up a few more cars into my ball, I’d have made it.”

Fast Food: “Yeah, so I’m a giant disembodied mouth, and I’m trying to eat food that’s flying past me. But I gotta make sure not to eat the purple pickles. No, I don’t know why I can’t eat purple pickles. Maybe it’s a dick thing.”

Pac-Man: “Check it out: I’m a yellow ball, cruising around a maze, eating a bunch of dots. I’m being chased by multicolored ghosts that can kill me if they touch me, but if I eat a power pill, they all turn blue for a few seconds, and I can eat them. Then their disembodied eyes float around and go to the box in the center of the maze, where they turn back into ghosts.”

Even modern games that are pretty normal and straightforward, like Red Dead Redemption, have you saying things that you most likely wouldn’t have the need to say.

“Goddammit, I need to find a skunk!”
“Hang on a sec. I gotta hop on top of this train and shoot five flying birds while the train is moving.”

What game scenarios sound perfectly normal in-game but make you sound like a jackhole when you try to explain them to a nongamer? Put ‘em in the comments below. I know there are tons of them. Crap, just Super Mario Bros. alone is like an acid trip.

(Post by nerdbastards contributor Nick Bungay- Twitter @NickBungay)

“A movie is a sermon with pictures”. He’s back ladies and gentlemen and guess what? Not only is Avatar “Satan”, but Twilight is the “Anti-Christ”. Yes, the super-hip Seattle pastor Mark Driscoll is at it again and this time he’s after the sparkling vampires of the Twilight series. A fundamentalist bashing a book is nothing new, it’s been down since well before any of us was born. Really, the more well-versed in narrative device and metaphor you become, the more a strictly literal interpretation of the bible starts to seem like a less-good idea. Now it’s time to branch out, expand the “message” if you will. Over the course of this ten minute video Pastor Driscoll (I love his shirt) explains that “Satan can write” and mixing jokes with his preaching ways might change a person’s insights on what they should be reading.

Don’t get me wrong, the guy is about as funny as amateur night at a comedy club,  but he throws a good zinger in or two. Particularly when referencing the teen wet dreams that are Edward, Bella, and Jacob as “the beast, the false prophet, and Anti-Christ.” (print those shirts now: Team Anti-Christ). While his “ranting” contains humor in which solidify his statement, he does have some valid points. For one, as a crazy individual, dead people don’t talk.

That means you’re consulting with dead people!. It’s about sorcery, witchcraft, divination, wicca…dead people! You know what? Dead people don’t talk to you!”

Oh snap!, looks like we have a genius on our hands folks. Seriously, dead people talking, that’s ridiculous. Duh, only living people,  snakes and burning bushes do.

Using the dead as a walking billboard to hell must be having it’s effect though. With all the Twilight merchandise flying off the shelves every month, it looks like a lot of people are following the path of the “Anti-Christ”. Start burning those books and those shirts now and maybe you’ll save yourself from a very hot, very sparkly future.

source: filmdrunk