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KF

You may be familiar with Kung Fury, the crowd-funded martial arts comedy that’s the brain child of director David Sandberg. The film, featuring an absolutely balls-to-the-wall trailer released last year, has finally arrived!

Kung Fury is a visually spectacular action comedy. An 80s cop, outrageous violence, fast cars, kung fu expert Hitler, time travel achieved with a Nintendo Power Glove, sexy vikings who can summon the gods. It even even features an equally epic theme song from Eighties icon David HasselhoffKung Fury is as if someone threw the absolute cheesiest yet most wonderful bits of the 1980s into a blender.

Now, after successfully crowdfunding over $630,000 for Kung Fury, Sandberg and his Laser Unicorns production team have finally unleashed the finished short film online for free, and you can check out all the martial arts mayhem and ’80s-style music, crazy imagery, and excessive violence below:  (more…)

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A new live action He-Man and The Masters of The Universe movie – based on the 80’s Toy/Cartoon property of the same name –  has been in Hollywood’s orbit for some time. Over the last decade or so, the project has changed studios and a number writers and directors. G.I. Joe director Jon Chu had been the latest in a series of creatives to tackle the most powerful man in the universe. Lin left the production to pursue other projects. Now Columbia Pictures Senior Vice President of Production DeVon Franklin has announced that Kick-Ass 2 director Jeff Wadlow has handed in a newly completed script for the new Masters of the Universe movie adaptation.  (more…)

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First hitting tv screens in 1984, Rainbow Brite follows a little girl named Wisp who is transported to a colorless land. In her quest to bring color back to the land, she befriends a sprite named Twink and a white horse named Starlite, finds the color belt and rescues the seven Color Kids. Developed by the Hallmark Company, Rainbow Brite was successful in the mid-80s, running for multiple seasons and even having an animated movie. Since then, though, not much has been done with the property, beyond toys for various “reboots” in the 90s and 00s, but that looks like it’s changing in a big way.  (more…)

boglins

If there’s one thing nerds of a certain age universally agree on, it’s this: Toys (for kids and young adults) these days SUUUCK!

Oh, sure–today’s younglings have video games that would make 8 year old, Atari 2600 playing me drop dead of a pleasure-induced brain hemorrhage. And there will always be timeless classics like LEGO (and by the way: CURSE, children of today, for having LEGO Stores!). But as far as action figures–and their accompanying vehicles, playsets, and other miscellany go: The playthings of my 1980s childhood beat the piss out of anything the 21st century has yet to come up with–it’s not even a contest.

But this feature isn’t about how much new toys blow (that’s another feature), instead, the old and decrepit among the Nerd Bastards staff have decided to present you, the reader, with a series of tributes to the overpriced hunks of plastic of yore. Magnificent toy lines that make us forget how lonely and miserable our ACTUAL childhoods were.

In this weeks Toys We Miss column, I take you back to a marvelous era, when a toy’s worth was measured in how likely it was to put your little sister in therapy. We check out the creepy faced hand puppets known as Boglins(more…)

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Did you ever stare at Billy’s crotch on the original poster for Gremlins?  Well some guy did, and in doing so, revealed an Easter egg fans of the film probably never noticed. What is it? Well, you’re gonna have to read on through to find out, but first, let us take a moment and reflect on Joe Dante’s classic film, with a few fun facts thrown in along the way. We’ve even got a 30 years later cast photo!
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Welcome back to our newly revamped “Retro Reviews” column, where we explore both the movies you know and love, as well as the oft overlooked gems you should be spending more time with. Our fourth entry is the ultimate “revenge of the nerd” film, Evilspeak (1981)…

There was no shortage of vengeful nerds in 1980s horror cinema. Movies like Vernon Zimmerman’s Fade to Black, Frank LaLoggia’s Fear No Evil, and Robert Englund’s 976-Evil provided picked-on geeks with characters they could identify with, while also simultaneously indulging in the revenge fantasies they probably harbored in the darkest regions of their soul. In a post-Columbine world, these movies are somewhat of a rarity, as Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris showed us all how ugly the vengeance of those oppressed and bullied by the jocks and the prom queens could be when it wasn’t limited to innocuous fantasy.

But before their horrifying rampage (not to mention the epidemic of terrifying school shootings that arrived in the wake of Littleton), horror films were unafraid to be completely un-PC, allowing their often sniveling-yet-sympathetic leads to lay waste to those who caused them to live in fear every day. And none were as gleefully bonkers as Eric Weston’s Evilspeak, a somewhat inept yet totally entertaining film that helped birth the cinematic career of one of the ultimate avatars for persecuted nebbishes, Clint Howard.

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nb-Retro-Review-Commando

Welcome back to our newly revamped “Retro Reviews” column, where we explore both the movies you know and love, as well as the oft overlooked gems you should be spending more time with. Our second entry is the crazy, career re-defining Arnold Schwarzenegger action romp, Commando (1985)…

The restless feminist inside of me always cringes whenever I use the term “man movie”, but that is undoubtedly what Commando is. Buff, dumb and slathered in baby oil, Mark L. Lester (Class of 1984Firestarter) made the ultimate “one man army” picture; a breakneck barrage of insanity whose brief moments of tenderness are simply a ploy to get you to start fist-pumping once Arnold starts dropping dudes off of cliffs and spouting one-liners. Filled with an assortment of BAMFs* (including Vernon Wells, who seems to have stolen and kept some unused post-apocalyptic garb from The Road Warrior) and a legion of indigenous peoples (from wherever) for Arnold Schwarzenegger to mow down in a wave of righteous anger, Commando might be the greatest meat-head film the ’80s ever produced. A marvel of economy and pacing, its brisk ninety minutes feel like five once John Matrix’s daughter (Alyssa Milano) is kidnapped by dictator hopeful Arius (Dan Hedaya, in full brown-face), thus sending the titular destroyer of small nations on his quest to kill as many human beings as possible. In short — Commando is a masterpiece of masculine moviemaking; an Adonis of action craft tailor-made to satiate the blood lust of teenage boys.

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If there’s one thing nerds of a certain age universally agree on, it’s this….Toys (for kids and young adults) these days SUUUCK!

Oh, sure–today’s younglings have video games that would make 8 year old, Atari 2600 playing me drop dead of a pleasure-induced brain hemorrhage. And there will always be timeless classics like LEGO But as far as action figures–and their accompanying vehicles, playsets, and other miscellany go: The playthings of my 1980s childhood beat the piss out of anything the 21st century has yet to come up with–it’s not even a contest.

But this feature isn’t about how much new toys blow (that’s another feature), instead, the old and decrepit among the Nerd Bastards staff have decided to present you, the reader, with a series of tributes to the overpriced hunks of plastic of yore. Magnificent toy lines and other pieces of antiquity that make us forget how lonely and miserable our ACTUAL childhoods were.

This week guest writer Jason Helton is here to show some much needed love to an unsung–well, less than sufficiently sung – laser toy gun of yesteryear with: Photon Laser Tag  (more…)