Snow White and the Huntsman screenwriter Evan Spiliotopoulos is replacing Matt Lopez (The Sorcerer’s Apprentice) on the adaptation of the video game classic, Asteroids. The plot involves two estranged brothers that must team up to save Earth from an alien race. How the asteroids come into play has yet to be revealed.
Is it just me, or are they making this more complicated than it has to be? So as a favor to Asteroids producer Lorenzo di Bonaventura (Transformers: Dark of the Moon), I will right now pen the script for Asteroids.
EXT. SPACE, EARTH ORBIT
We open on the blackness of space, with only the twinkling stars in sight. But after a few seconds we start to see one, then two, then a great many asteroids hurtling through space towards the camera. We pull back and see that asteroids of varying sizes are approaching the Earth, What are we to do?
STAR COMMAND (O/S)
Asteroids approaching! Space fighter one we need your assistance!
A spaceship shaped like the letter ‘A’ blasts into sight from the dark side of the moon and positions itself in the middle of the asteroid field. The ship starts turning and blasting all the asteroids, destroying them a piece at a time. A giant asteroid appears and moves towards the ships position. It quickly fires its afterburners, gets out of the way, turns and fires at the asteroid, decimating it.
The ship keeps turning and firing. Turning and firing until almost all the asteroids have been completely destroyed.
Then, an alarm goes off in the cockpit. A UFO appears and moves smoothly across the field just beyond the asteroids. The UFO starts firing on the spaceship, which turns and blasts the UFO until it moves out of range. The spaceship returns to firing on the asteroids, but then the alarm goes off again and the UFO retraces its path just outside the field. The spaceship fires on the UFO before it gets a chance to launch and destroys it.
Only a few asteroids are left now, and the spaceship finishes them off handily. All the asteroids are destroyed when – suddenly – more asteroids appear out of the depths of space, more than before. The spaceship starts to turn and fire again, chipping away at the asteroids one by one.
Then the alarm goes off again. Another UFO appears behind the spaceship and fires before the pilot can react. The spaceship blows apart in several pieces as the UFO does a victory lap.
Another spaceship is launched and heads towards the asteroid field. The whole process starts again…
This scene repeats four times as 12 different asteroid fields attack the Earth.
There. Done. You’re welcome.
Source: The Hollywood Reporter