Cereal is an important part of childhood. Together with certain television shows, music, and movies, cereal helps to form a very specific backdrop to your formative years. This backdrop is unique to you, but connects you to nearly every other person of your generation, no matter the other details of your lives. Yes, cereal binds us, connects us, shows us that we are all one. But it also has an almost magical ability to transport. When you’re eating cereal with your favorite characters on the box, you hold palaver with them for a time. These characters become real as you share a meal with them. Some cereals not only understood the light-hearted whimsy of our youth, but also understand that now we have grown-up responsibilities and obligations. We’ve seen things, man. We have bills to pay. We wear underwear without cartoons characters on them sometimes, probably. These cereals know that and have increased in value accordingly, so that they can continue to be there for us as we sell them for money. Our modern Giving Tree was ground up and pressed into cardboard to make cereal boxes. And the tree was happy. It was happy because it knew that cash rules everything around us and it’s going to help us get the money. Dolla, dolla bill, y’all!
This week on The BastardCast, Jeremy and Jason grieve over a suddenly apologetic Dan Harmon, discuss why we want Ryan Reynolds to play another sword-wielding badass, and go over the Star Wars casting breakdown and the solo Solo film.
Also on the show: Mary Jane and Loki both get ditched, Microsoft remembers that they need to appease consumers, the boys trailergasm over The Wolf of Wall Street, Jason does a quick review of The Last of Us, and Dirty Nerdy Confessions makes a comeback.
You want more? Fine, is your breakfast cereal being completely honest with you, or is their something in your cupboard that is filled with whole grains and bald lies? We’ve got a special report in our very special segment: TWO SCOOPS OF FALLACY.
All that, and Paula Deen teaches us all how to get roasted…
The BastardCast: We will never give you direction, or name you after one.
How many times have you been sitting around the breakfast table and caught yourself picking at your cereal, and pushing aside the grainy members of the cereal team and just eating the marshmallows? Face it, we’re all cereal snobs. When it comes down to it we are gonna choose the gooey, yet somehow a little crunchy at the same time mallow over the bland, grainy shit every time! That is why this concept is so darn cool. A website has been developed now that sells these things by the bag-full, and at a reasonable price as well. In addition, for those health conscious peeps out there, one-hundred calorie packs will soon be available! The kid in us all is jumping for joy at this brilliant marketing plan! How much better and easier will the morning routine be now that we don’t have to spend time pushing aside those obnoxious other pieces of the cereal? How tedious! Thanks to Cereal Marshmallows for bringing mankind one step closer to the easy life. Check out their website, Cereal Marshmallows, and pick up your bag today!
Top o’ the mornin’ (or afternoon) to you and all that. It’s St. Patrick’s Day, and that means massive amounts of potatoes and cabbage for everyone! Oh, all right. I suppose we can throw in some nerdosity, too.