Swashbuckling Disney fans are going to have another year on their hands while they wait for the latest installment of the Johnny Depp money machine that is Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales. The news is out the fifth in the Pirate‘s series won’t set sail in 2015, as originally intended.
Filming was set to begin this fall, but Walt Disney Pictures has announced that the fifth sequel in the Pirates franchise project won’t make its original release date of July 10, 2015. Coming on the heels of the news that the release date for Edgar Wright’s Ant-Man feature for Marvel had been moved up to July 31st, 2015, sources behind the scenes say a release in 2016 is possible for Pirates 5.
Unless Johnny Depp decides to work on another project before shooting starts, a release in 2016 would be the best solution. There will be at least one big Marvel movie to compete against during the next three years. Disney won’t want to put its own films in any competitive trap that would drain earnings from one or the other.
The date isn’t yet official and could change to an end of summer/early fall release, but all in all, it could be the best of both worlds for this particular series. Just enough time for Pirates fans and others to start clamoring for more Depp.
What do you think though? Is three years too long to wait or is it just the time we need ?
Citing issues and saying, the script “isn’t there yet”, Disney executives have pushed Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales back to a 2016 release date. But without knowing what the hell this fifth Pirates flick is about we have no idea what the problems could be? Other than the obvious one of, “Do we really need a fifth Pirates film?” (Followed quickly by a simple response of, “$$$.”)
Anyway, Bleeding Cool has come across some plot details for Pirates 5. We’re not entirely sure of their accuracy, or even which version of the script these come from, so take everything with a grain of salt.
♦ There’s a new female lead and foil for Jack Sparrow. She’s suspected of witchcraft, but is actually a scientist.
♦ Witches are a big part of the movie.
♦ One of the film’s leads is a ghost, hence the title. He’s a “former member of the British military now sided with Barbossa on a revenge mission.”
♦ Two new, young, romantic leads – a boy and girl – both from farming families get caught up in the mix.
♦ The film starts with an “awkward wedding” and ends with “a riff on the myth of the Bermuda Triangle.”
YAWN. Oh, I’m sorry, was I supposed to energized about another Pirates flick based on these scant details? Well, I’m not. How is this different from the last, unnecessary installment On Stranger Tides? Exchange mermaids for witches, recast Penelope Cruz’s character, and bring in two more star-crossed, young lovers we won’t give a shit about and you’re done. If this is what Disney is working with they need to go back to stage one, dontcha think?
This time on The BastardCast, Jeremy, Jason, and habitual guest Matthew Jackson discuss the latest Batman casting rumors (and Jason’s desperate desire to be Robin), why Johnny Depp should care a little more and suck a little less, and why Peter Capaldi will make a better Doctor Who than a marzipan dildo.
Also on the show: Boba Fett’s new reality TV show, why The Flash sounds like a kinder, fast moving version of Dexter, how DC Entertainment and the ani-Maniacs over at Warner Bros. need to grow a pair and not screw the Flash TV show up, and visual confirmation that Gustavo Fring is alive, well, and still making dope-ass chicken fingers in New Jersey.
Do you need more? Apparently, so did Bruce Willis, because Sly Stallone has taken to twitter in a manly way to possibly diss his former co-star while also announcing that Harrison Ford is entering The Stallone Zone to star in Expendables 3: Rise of the Hernia Sling.
Still not enough? Alright, alright, Harrison Ford also lays out his idea of an acceptable Indiana Jones swan song, Karl Urban gets an offer from one of the boys that he will surely refuse after urging the Star Trek creative team to embrace exploration, and George Lucas‘ dirty little secret about also being Michael McDonald is revealed thanks to “The Butter Song”.
All that and whatever the opposite of wholesome is ON The BastardCast!
I get it. Movie stars, directors, and producers have an obligation to sing a song about how the sun shines out of the ass of every project that they are involved in, always eager to point a finger of blame in the direction of the evil cabal of movie critics when those projects shit the bed.
It’s PR spin.
But if any of them ever took responsibility for the jam soaked turd that they put into the public marketplace — all nice and pretty, wrapped in cellophane and sprayed with perfume — then they’d probably be run out of the industry on a slicked rail.
Case in point: Johnny Depp, Armie Hammer, and now Mark Wahlberg.
Hammer is a youngling whose first tentpole picture flopped over in the summer breeze like a necrotic cock, so it’s understandable to see him seethe over the public’s lack of adoration for his stab at playing cowboys and whatever the fuck Johnny Depp was supposed to be.
He says that American critics were “gunning for” The Lone Ranger and intimates that they — or we, since I personally dabble in the dark art of film criticism — were obsessed with the film’s production woes and its bloated budget.
Hammer’s co-star, noted thespian Johnny Depp, concurs:
I think the reviews were written 7 or 8 months, probably, before we ever released the thing. [...] [The critics'] expectations of it, it must be a blockbuster, this and that, I didn’t have any expectations of that. I never do, why would I?
Pushing Depp’s “Look at me, I’m an interesting artist and above petty commerce” routine aside — despite his expectation to get paid like someone who top-lines blockbusters (and to his defenders, I invite you to look at his IMDB page in search of just five arthouse pictures that he has done since 1995′s Dead Man to prove his worth as an artist and not an utterly generic, take the money and run movie star.), this is the standard issue nonsense from people who are trying to sell a film in international markets.
What I don’t understand, though, is why Mark Wahlberg, who has nothing to do with this bloated whale corpse of a movie, would enter the fray, but Marky Mark unleashed his own funky bunch of bullshit too, saying:
First and foremost, the media is targeting all these movies, [...] There’s intense scrutiny on us, way more than before.
It’s worth noting that Wahlberg also laid into the industry a bit, earning a bit of respect before cashing that in defense of Michael Bay, with whom he is now tied thanks to Transformers 4 — a film that, if anything like its predecessors, will be the kind of big, dumb, heavy metal and light worth actioner that Wahlberg maligns in his previous breath.
I don’t want to talk about that, though, I want to talk about Wahlberg’s use of the word “targeting”, because in my view, it’s movie viewers who are being targeted by the Hollywood machine and it is critics — as unsympathetic as we may be at times — who do our best to at least put a fucking shield of insight into the hands of the audience so they don’t get knocked down and cleaned out.
Why is that needed? Well, to put it plainly, movies cost money, they don’t come with a refund policy, and times are tough. It’s that simple. Going to the movies represents a gamble and consumers have no protection against a film’s PR campaign, save for word of mouth and those damned critics and entertainment journalists.
Now, I’m not going to sit here and espouse the virtues of every single film critic.
Let’s face it, some critics are shit, burdened by cynicism and inspired by a backwards set of priorities like the pursuit of access and the puffing of their own ego. These are the people who make you question their ethics as they write up a review while wearing studio swag. The people who cream their shorts for a pull quote, and who get so hard when they see a Re-Tweet from a studio that they pass out from blood loss.
Fuck those people, but they are the minority, not the majority.
The majority of critics are simply offering up their honest opinion about what they are seeing as a way of conveying information. Take their advice, don’t take their advice, it’s up to you.
But if you unequivocally trust people like Johnny Depp, Mark Wahlberg, and Jerry Bruckheimer to be straight with you while they’re trying to sell you their movie, and cheer when they say that critics are the problem, you deserve to get rolled.
The Lone Rangerwas this summer’s most spectacular Hollywood flop. Now you can watch director Gore Verbinski, producer Jerry Bruckheimer, and stars Johnny Depp and Armie Hammer do the slightly uncomfortable interview dance while trying to explain why those awful critics got it all wrong when it comes to The Lone Ranger. Not one is willing to step up and say there were problems with the film as they try desperately to get people into a theater seat. Face it, even the DVD sales of this one are going to suck.
I have to admit that I have not seen the movie, there were other movies I wanted to see and were willing to plunk down hard-earned cash to see. I’ll just wait for The Lone Ranger to show up on Cinemax.
If you saw the movie and liked it, let us know why. For those of you that haven’t, take a look at the video below and let us know what you think of their sour grapes. Did what they have to say change your mind about seeing the movie in the theater?
Poor Johnny Depp. The recent two-for-two big budget failures of Dark Shadows and The Lone Ranger seems to have forced him into doing something drastic: signing up for Alice in Wonderland 2. According to Deadline, Depp is in final negotiations to reprise his role as the Mad Hatter in the sequel to the surprise 2010 hit Alice in Wonderland directed by Tim Burton, which made over $1 billion at the worldwide box office. Muppets director James Bobin is directing the sequel.
Deadline is of the opinion that Depp wants to prove his box office clout following two costly bombs, so between Alice 2 and the next Pirates of the Caribbean movie to be directed by Kon-Tiki filmmakers Joachim Rønning and Espen Sandberg, Depp should buttress his box office slide affably.
In other Depp news, it was announced that he has a “new” multi-year first look deal at Disney through his production company Infinitum Nihil to develop film projects he can produce there. The word new is in quote marks because the deal was sealed back in March, but it just wasn’t announced till now.
So there is life after Tonto for Depp. Too bad his revisiting past successes rather than blowing us away with something new.
I’m going to say it and I’m not going to be the only one who has said it over the last year or so – the idea of a Jerry Bruckheimer produced Lone Ranger film starring Johnny Depp was a bad, bad idea. But they did not listen to my psychic warnings and went ahead with the thing anyways, and now is the time when I get to say, “I almost told you so!” Yes, the Lone Ranger has opened poorly and looks like it will be mimicking last year’s John Carter film with its epic level of financial fail.
The first five-days of the flick’s opening, the glorious July 4th weekend that should have seen some great numbers, only panned out to less than $50 million. This is about one-tenth of what was spent on the movie’s production and marketing. The “experts” are saying that if Lone Ranger continues its current poor trend, it won’t even reach the $300 million mark in total.
In my opinion, it’s no big surprise. After all, the Bruckheimer/Depp cliché-boat sailed long ago once they made a fourth Pirates of the Caribbean film. Even that franchise is losing ground and the only reason it keeps going is because of the momentum it still has from the first film. Making what essentially looks like Pirates in the old west (i.e.: without the fucking pirates) a bad idea, and they’ll be paying for it to the tune of $200+ million.
What do you folks out there think? Have you had a chance to see Lone Ranger yet? Does it deserve the level of fail it’s achieved?
When you really think about it, musicals are actually quite a nerdy genre:
Not only do they have their die-hard adherents, as anything qualifying as “nerdy” must, but even the most mundane musicals have an element of the fantastical to them. Think about it: Musicals are populated by people who think it’s perfectly normal to break into song for literally any reason, people for whom an intricately choreographed dance number is an everyday occurrence….
Does anyone ever stop to think about just how WEIRD that is? (well, Joss Whedon did, but I’m getting ahead of myself)
Some musicals, of course, take this a step further, and draw from the various franchises and genres that we, as nerds, know and love for their inspiration. Others are just totally batshit insane, thus making them quite appropriate for a card-carrying nerd’s movie library. It is such musicals that we honor here today.
I have deliberately left out musicals that have so far only been stage productions. Not that I have anything against live theatre, but such musicals are so numerous as to warrant their own list. Instead, I’ve decided to stick to film or television (and in one case: neither) productions. These media are much better known to nerddom, anyway–no offense, Theatre Geeks!
So clear your throats, and prepare to sing along with:
10. Phantom Of The Paradise
One of Brian de Palma’s very first films, Phantom of the Paradise is unique to say the least. “Weirder Than Tits On A Bishop” would be more to the point. It’s a celebration/brutal satire of 1970s pop music tropes, and the music business in general in the form of a musical based on a combination of Phantom of the Opera, Goethe’s Faust, and Oscar Wilde’s Picture of Dorian Grey. The songs were written and performed by ’70s musical wunderkind Paul Williams, best known for scoring The Muppet Movie. Williams also plays the film’s villain–and he gives one of the most disturbing performances in cinema history: Directing a sex tape for your grandparents is less unsettling than Paul Williams as evil record producer “Swan”. Above is the film’s trailer, with a voice-over by one of the most influential directors and nerds in Hollywood: Edgar Wright (Shaun of the Dead, Scott Pilgrim, Ant-Man)
9. Sweeney Todd
As awesome as Tim Burton’s cinematic adaptation of the famed musical tale of the semi-legendary murderous barber and the gruesome uses his accomplice, a baker of meat pies, found for his victims is, it’s a bit too mainstream to warrant a higher ranking on a list like this. I’m not judging which musicals are the BEST, merely the NERDIEST.
Still, Burton‘s Sweeney Todd has it’s share of nerd cred: “Burtonverse” fixtures Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter make the roles of Sweeney and Mrs. Lovett their own (and have surprisingly good singing voices). The film is a casting director’s wet dream, with every role filled superlatively: Alan Rickman and Timothy Spall stand out as the draconian Judge Turpin and his repugnant toadie Beadle Bamford (yes, 3 members of this cast played Harry Potter characters!) Plus it’s visually magnificent, wickedly funny, and boasts some truly infectious musical numbers.
Oh, and blood. LOTS of blood.
8. Cry Baby
Sweeney Todd wasn’t Depp’s first musical–it was just the first he actually SANG in. Back in 1990, Johnny starred as Wade “Cry-Baby” Walker in John Waters’ 50s retro musical Cry Baby. The nerdiness of this film may be a tad less apparent than some of the other entries, but John Waters’ fandom is zealous, if relatively small: Cult comedy nerds may not be the most vocal or visible branch of the nerd family tree—but trust me, we’re there! This hilarious film boasts a number of truly eclectic cameos and supporting roles: Including Traci Lords, Iggy Pop, Susan Tyrrell (remember that name, you’ll hear it again soon), Willem Dafoe, and Ricki Lake (Glenn Milstead, AKA “Divine”, was originally part of the cast, but sadly passed away before filming began).
7. Cannibal! The Musical
Cannibal! The Musical, thanks to legendary independent film studio Troma (the fine folks who gave the world the Toxic Avenger franchise), who distributed this odd little film, put the names Trey Parker and Matt Stone on the radar….last I heard, they had this cartoon thing on basic cable, and some stage show about Jehovah’s Witnesses, I think.
Would have thought they’d have amounted to more given how awesome this film is: Cannibal! tells the story of Alferd Packer–supposedly the first American ever to be tried for cannibalism (Packer DID exist, but Parker and Stone‘s historical accuracy is dubious at best). A VERY young Trey Parker plays the titular cannibal, with Stone and their perennial sidekick Dian Bachar in supporting roles. Parker wrote and performed the music, and the whole thing is far more fun, likeable, and sweet than a movie about eating human flesh should be. Fans of South Park will recognize little tidbits that would later pop up in the show: Matt Stone’s character is where the series got Kyle’s big red Jew ‘fro, and a line in the song featured above is referenced in South Park: Bigger. Longer, and Uncut when Kenny’s heart is accidentally replaced by a baked potato.
6. Little Shop Of Horrors
The original Little Shop of Horrors made bad movie history when infamous schlock filmmaker, Roger Corman, produced and directed it in just under 3 days–merely to prove that he could make a movie from start to finish in under a week.
Two decades later, that story of the little skid row flower shop and the man-eating plant behind its doors became a blockbuster Broadway musical, and was soon adapted into a film by “Muppeteer” Frank Oz. It’s quite simply one of the most purely enjoyable movie musicals ever made, due largely to the brilliant performances of Rick Moranis, Ellen Greene, and Steve Martin, seen above in the iconic role of dentist/domestic abuser Dr. Orin Scrivello, DDS.
5. The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Yes, friends: The Rocky Horror Picture Show, adapted from the stage musical The Rocky Horror Show (see what they did there?) in 1975 by director Jim Sharman, writer Richard O’Brien, and producers Lou Adler and Michael White. It’s a devious satire of Middle-American values crossed with an homage to classic horror and science-fiction cinema. Everyone knows the plot: Girl and Boy go for drive, Girl and Boy meet Alien Transvestite, Alien Transvestite creates Muscle Man in vat of chemicals, Everybody has sex, Alien Transvestite and his creation killed with lasers by the help, Castle flies off into space, THE END.
Oh, and there’s a lot of really kickass musical numbers in between the sex and the death somewhere.
RHPS is probably best known not on its own merits, but due to the following it has developed: For 38 years fans have been going to midnight showings across the globe where they watch not only the film, but a “shadowcast” in front of the screen in full costume (well, the GOOD casts do it that way ) miming the actions of the characters. The audience itself also gets into the action: Throwing things (carefully!) like toast and toilet paper at the prescribed times, and yelling call-backs and insults at the screen (an RHPS tradition from decades before MST3K or Rifftrax). In all seriousness, at least ONE trip to a midnight showing of Rocky Horror should be on everyone’s bucket list.
4. Shock Treatment
It’s likely many of you have never heard of this musical by the writers and producers of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. It’s equally likely that if you have heard of it, you’ve heard it’s a sequel to Rocky Horror. That isn’t entirely accurate. The filmmakers refer to it as an “Equal, Not A Sequel”. Many of the same characters, actors and settings from Rocky Horror are present, but it isn’t really a continuation of Rocky’s story line: You could see Shock Treatment without ever knowing Rocky Horror exists, and you wouldn’t miss a thing.
Anyhoo, I personally prefer Shock Treatment to its far more famous predecessor: RHPS had a few better actors, and arguably superior production values–but Shock Treatment has much better songs, and a generally “nerdier” vibe. Long before things like Reality TV or The Truman Show, Richard O’Brien envisioned a town that WAS a TV studio itself….where citizens actually lived in shows and the audience just slept in their seats. Again, Middle America is satirized–but it’s not its puritanical morals that are attacked, but its mindless consumerism and obsession with television. I grant you the plot does wander, and lacks Rocky Horror’s cohesiveness: But the superior music makes up for these flaws. (FUN FACT: That’s Rik Mayall of The Young Ones taking the Polaroids)
3. Buffy The Vampire Slayer: Once More, With Feeling
I almost didn’t include this. I wanted to stick to movie musicals, and besides: I’m a lukewarm BTVS fan at best (Angel and Firefly are another story). But our dear and fluffy editor insisted….
And he knew what he was doing! I love this in ways I cannot properly communicate with language. Once More, With Feeling is a work of sheer genius, and the best part is you don’t need to know barely anything about Buffy to enjoy it. The flashback at the beginning is comprehensive enough to bring non-fans up to speed. Here’s the skinny: The town’s under the influence of a song and dance-loving demon accidentally summoned by Dawn Summers. The citizens are breaking into musical numbers at random….just as they would in a musical, except they realize it’s abnormal. Buffy and the Scoobies are affected as well, leading to some great numbers from the show’s best loved characters. Joss Whedon outdid himself with this episode: He could have had a very successful career as a songwriter. Once More, With Feeling has become one of the most famous and beloved BTVS episodes, and has even been performed by live casts on stage!
(PS: Sorry for the subtitles, but getting a clip of anything owned by Fox in its original form on YouTube is like pulling teeth–this was the best I could do…the alternative was a mere slideshow)
Before he was the “Man Behind The Music” of Tim Burton’s film library, Danny Elfman fronted a New Wave/Ska fusion pop band called Oingo Boingo.
Before that, he composed and performed the music for an experimental musical theatre troupe in L.A. run by his brother RichardElfman called The Mystic Knights of the Oingo Boingo (hence the name)
Around 1980, when Danny decided he wanted to move from live theatre to music, he and Richard put together a movie version of everything the Mystic Knights was…sort of a “swan song” for the troupe, and Forbidden Zone was born. This utterly mad film follows the adventures of the unbelievably dysfunctional Hercules family, who discover a portal to a parallel universe called the Sixth Dimension in the basement of their new house. The music is a cacophony of conflicting styles, from jazz to rock to minstrel shows to Jewish Vaudeville–yet somehow it all works together, a testament to Elfman‘s genius. The cast includes the aforementioned Susan Tyrell and the late Herve Villechaize (yes, Tattoo from Fantasy Island) as the Sixth Dimension’s queen and king, and Danny himself as Satan (yes, SATAN). Unfortunately, early ’80s audiences didn’t quite get what the Elfman brothers were attempting here, the movie faced accusations of racism for its use of blackface, and it performed poorly at the box office…..Fortunately, the “Midnight Movie” crowd adopted it a few years later, and it’s developed a sizeable and rabid following.
1. Dr. Horrible’s Sing-A-Long Blog
Our #1 is neither a movie nor a television show, but holy balls is it NERDY!!!
Joss Whedon’s internet sensation Dr. Horrible’s Sing-A-Long Blog is nothing short of magic. It’s less than an hour long, but it easily out-nerds (if that’s a term) any feature length musical on this list. Neil Patrick Harris is Dr. Horrible: A budding supervillain torn between his devotion to evil and world conquest, and his crush on the pretty redhead at the Laundromat who runs a homeless shelter (if you never understood why nerds love Felicia Day so much, it’s because you never saw her in this). Horrible works out his frustrations on his video blog, and in song, as he works to gain the notice of legendary supervillain Bad Horse, and deals with the humiliation of constant defeat at the hands of Captain Hammer: World’s Douchiest Superhero (Nathan Fillion–obviously having the time of his life) who’s also dating his girl!
I won’t spoil the ending, but try to remember: This IS a Whedon production….
Continuing the trend of fairy tales getting twisted and adapted for the big and small screen – similar new projects are Disney’s live-action Cinderella and ABC’s Once Upon a Time spinoff, Once Upon a Time in Wonderland – is the film adaption of Stephen Sondheim‘sInto the Woodsfrom Rob Marshall and Disney. There’s already been some very big names attached, specifically Meryl Streep as the witch and Johnny Depp as that nefarious wolf.
Today, THR is reporting Chris Pine and Jake Gyllenhaal are joining the cast as two princes, one for Cinderella and the other for Rapunzel. The casting is likely, not officially confirmed, though it’ll probably only be a matter of time. Were they to be cast in the musical this’ll be the first on screen singing role for either. So, while we can’t comment on either actors’ pipes, I don’t think anyone can deny these two will look absolutely dashing as princes.
Into the Woods follows a baker, his family, and the witch who curses them, starting an adventuring which includes several of fairy tales, like Cinderella, Jack and the Beanstalk and Little Red Riding Hood, and their classic characters. Some may argue we’re being over saturated with fairy tales, but me? I can’t get enough. Bring it on!
Expect more casting, likely with more high profile actors, in the coming weeks. Shooting is expected to begin in the fall. What are guys thinking? Excited? Or could you care less?
Take a huge Hollywood producer (Jerry Bruckheimer,) a larger than life director (Gore Verbinski,) and a budget greater than the GDP of Micronesia ($250 Million) and what do you get? Apparently Disney’s The Lone Ranger. A new TV spot for John Carter of Arizona the film hit the ‘net today. Filled action and trains and Depp, the trailer also has a small dash of new footage for the July 3rd tent pole flick.
Yet again previewing the tail of Tonto (Johnny Depp) and his trusty side-kick, the Not-As-Big-A-Box-Office-Draw Ranger (Armie Hammer), you can check it out below. (more…)
With all the other movies coming out this summer - Iron Man 3, Star Trek Into Darkness, Man of Steel – it kind of seems like The Lone Ranger‘s gotten lost in all the static. So now’s a good time to be reminded that it’s also coming out this year. I guess.
Today, two new character posters have been released featuring Armie Hammer as The Ranger, and Johnny Depp as his faithful sidekick Tonto.
Synopsis: From producer Jerry Bruckheimer and director Gore Verbinski, the team behind the “Pirates of the Caribbean” franchise, comes Disney/Jerry Bruckheimer Films’ “The Lone Ranger,” a thrilling adventure infused with action and humor, in which the famed masked hero is brought to life through new eyes. Native American spirit warrior Tonto (Johnny Depp) recounts the untold tales that transformed John Reid (Armie Hammer), a man of the law, into a legend of justice—taking the audience on a runaway train of epic surprises and humorous friction as the two unlikely heroes must learn to work together and fight against greed and corruption.
A news and entertainment blog for nerd pop culture. We are vulgar, debaucherous, and funny bastards that pilfer the internet (or interwebz, if you like) for the news you need so that you don't have to. You'll laugh, you'll cry and you'll often shake your fist in an angry fury but your time here is worth the price of admission (which is free for those of you not paying attention)