‘Transcendence’ Fears the Internet Like It’s 1991

- 04-18-14Featured, Film, reviews Posted by Adam A. Donaldson

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Back in the early to mid 90s, there was a series of films about the coming wonders and nightmares about the internet, but in hindsight they had all the finesse of George W. Bush’s description of the World Wide Web as a series of tubes, and were almost as prescient too. Watching Transcendence, one is taken back to a more innocent time when the internet was an unknown unknown, and thus capable of anything and everything because the audience didn’t know the difference. But it’s been 20 years since flicks like The Net and Lawnmower Man and Virtuosity, and the internet has become ingrained in almost every facet of our world. In 2014, even the most luddite of audience members isn’t going to buy the film’s magical portrayal of technology. And by “magic,” I mean literal magic. (more…)

Helena Bonham Carter to Return to Wonderland as “The Red Queen” in Upcoming Sequel

- 03-13-14Film Posted by James Daniels

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While Tim Burton will, sadly, not be returning to helm the sequel to his 2010 Alice in Wonderland adaptation, according to Variety: Helena Bonham Carter is in negotiations to reprise her role as The Red Queen.  Johnny Depp will also return as The Mad Hatter–making this possibly the only time Carter and Depp have been in a movie together without Tim Burton directing.  (more…)

Feige Discusses ‘Doctor Strange’… Again

- 02-26-14Comics, Film Posted by Adam A. Donaldson

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Some stuff we just can’t stop talking about. Even if it’s years away from becoming reality, we can’t help ourselves. Even if there’s a chance nothing will ever, ever come of it, we get all excited like a kid who ate too many Pixie sticks. Of course, we hardly expect nothing to come of all this Doctor Strange discussion, Marvel’s too heavily invested in turning every character they have into something, be it their own movie, or a side character on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. But as the rumor mill keeps churning, Marvel Studios chief Kevin Feige sat down once again to chill us out. (more…)

The BastardCast vs The LEGO Warriors of the Taco Robot Wars

- 02-16-14Featured, Nerd Culture Posted by Team Bastard

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Come with us now for an experience that will stress your senses and tickle your gag reflex AND your funny bone. The astounding, the horrifying, the morbidly obese, and infectiously clever — The BastardCast. We are thought stallions rolling across a docile plain, a dust cloud of airborne giggle bits trailing the swipe of our night black tails. You will suck the marrow from the bone of this podcast and it will fill you with justice, purpose, and also marrow. Which is so gross. (more…)

Another ‘Transcendence’ Trailer Coming Your Way

- 02-11-14Film Posted by Jason McAnelly

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The Depp is back, and this time he’s actually not dressed up in some ridiculous costume with make-up all over his face. Johnny Depp’s latest project happens to be an AI-themed flick directed by Wally Pfister, AKA the guy that did all that neat cinematography stuff for Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy. With Transcendence, he’s in the director’s chair and you can see from the newest trailer that he’s delving into material that looks to be in line with what Nolan might do himself. Check it out below: (more…)

The BastardCast vs. For Whom the Taco Bell Tolls

- 01-14-14Featured, Nerd Culture Posted by Team Bastard

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It was foretold that there would be a week of unrelenting news, rumors, and numors — a spilled over volcano of headlines about Star Wars, Marvel Studios, DC Comics, and something to do with swiss cheese masturbation. To combat that onslaught, The BastardCast is here to carry you to safety like a rotting piece of driftwood in a poop water flood. Also, there is Taco Talk! (more…)

Johnny Depp Gets Thrown Into the Mighty Marvel Movie Rumor-Mill

- 01-14-14Comics, Film Posted by Mark Poynter

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It’s become a daily ritual for this Nerd Bastard. Wake up in the morning, grab a Diet Coke, crank up the computer and while it’s booting up, take a guess at what Hollywood celebrity will be linked to, looked at, or just blindly thrown into the Internet’s Marvel Cinematic Universe Casting Cauldron. This time around, it’s Johnny Depp, but what role has he been linked to? (more…)

[UPDATED! Now With Plot Details] ‘Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales’ Delayed to 2016? Maybe.

- 09-11-13Film Posted by NickBungay

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Swashbuckling Disney fans are going to have another year on their hands while they wait for the latest installment of the Johnny Depp money machine that is Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales. The news is out the fifth in the Pirate‘s series won’t set sail in 2015, as originally intended.

Filming was set to begin this fall, but Walt Disney Pictures has announced that the fifth sequel in the Pirates franchise project won’t make its original release date of July 10, 2015. Coming on the heels of the news that the release date for Edgar Wright’s Ant-Man feature for Marvel had been moved up to July 31st, 2015, sources behind the scenes say a release in 2016 is possible for Pirates 5.

Unless Johnny Depp decides to work on another project before shooting starts, a release in 2016 would be the best solution. There will be at least one big Marvel movie to compete against during the next three years. Disney won’t want to put its own films in any competitive trap that would drain earnings from one or the other.

The date isn’t yet official and could change to an end of summer/early fall release, but all in all, it could be the best of both worlds for this particular series. Just enough time for Pirates fans and others to start clamoring for more Depp.

What do you think though? Is three years too long to wait or is it just the time we need ?

Source: Coming Soon

 

UPDATE!

 

Citing issues and saying, the script “isn’t there yet”, Disney executives have pushed Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales back to a 2016 release date. But without knowing what the hell this fifth Pirates flick is about we have no idea what the problems could be? Other than the obvious one of, “Do we really need a fifth Pirates film?” (Followed quickly by a simple response of, “$$$.”)

Anyway, Bleeding Cool has come across some plot details for Pirates 5. We’re not entirely sure of their accuracy, or even which version of the script these come from, so take everything with a grain of salt.

♦ There’s a new female lead and foil for Jack Sparrow. She’s suspected of witchcraft, but is actually a scientist.
♦ Witches are a big part of the movie.
♦ One of the film’s leads is a ghost, hence the title. He’s a “former member of the British military now sided with Barbossa on a revenge mission.”
♦ Two new, young, romantic leads – a boy and girl – both from farming families get caught up in the mix.
♦ The film starts with an “awkward wedding” and ends with “a riff on the myth of the Bermuda Triangle.”

YAWN. Oh, I’m sorry, was I supposed to energized about another Pirates flick based on these scant details? Well, I’m not. How is this different from the last, unnecessary installment On Stranger Tides? Exchange mermaids for witches, recast Penelope Cruz’s character, and bring in two more star-crossed, young lovers we won’t give a shit about and you’re done. If this is what Disney is working with they need to go back to stage one, dontcha think?

Source: /Film

The BastardCast vs. Johnny Depp, the New Doctor, and Shark… Weak

- 08-08-13Featured Posted by Team Bastard

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This time on The BastardCast, Jeremy, Jason, and habitual guest Matthew Jackson discuss the latest Batman casting rumors (and Jason’s desperate desire to be Robin), why Johnny Depp should care a little more and suck a little less, and why Peter Capaldi will make a better Doctor Who than a marzipan dildo.

Also on the show: Boba Fett’s new reality TV show, why The Flash sounds like a kinder, fast moving version of Dexter, how DC Entertainment and the ani-Maniacs over at Warner Bros. need to grow a pair and not screw the Flash TV show up, and visual confirmation that Gustavo Fring is alive, well, and still making dope-ass chicken fingers in New Jersey.

Do you need more? Apparently, so did Bruce Willis, because Sly Stallone has taken to twitter in a manly way to possibly diss his former co-star while also announcing that Harrison Ford is entering The Stallone Zone to star in Expendables 3: Rise of the Hernia Sling.

Still not enough? Alright, alright, Harrison Ford also lays out his idea of an acceptable Indiana Jones swan song, Karl Urban gets an offer from one of the boys that he will surely refuse after urging the Star Trek creative team to embrace exploration, and George Lucas‘ dirty little secret about also being Michael McDonald is revealed thanks to “The Butter Song”.

All that and whatever the opposite of wholesome is ON The BastardCast!Roomba

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The BastardCast: Held down from Nerdist-like podcast-y glory by those damn American critics.

Marky Mark Unleashes a Funky Bunch of BS Against Critics

- 08-07-13Film Posted by Jason Tabrys

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I get it. Movie stars, directors, and producers have an obligation to sing a song about how the sun shines out of the ass of every project that they are involved in, always eager to point a finger of blame in the direction of the evil cabal of movie critics when those projects shit the bed.

It’s PR spin.

It’s bullshit.

But if any of them ever took responsibility for the jam soaked turd that they put into the public marketplace — all nice and pretty, wrapped in cellophane and sprayed with perfume — then they’d probably be run out of the industry on a slicked rail.

Case in point: Johnny Depp, Armie Hammer, and now Mark Wahlberg.

Hammer is a youngling whose first tentpole picture flopped over in the summer breeze like a necrotic cock, so it’s understandable to see him seethe over the public’s lack of adoration for his stab at playing cowboys and whatever the fuck Johnny Depp was supposed to be.

He says that American critics were “gunning for” The Lone Ranger and intimates that they — or we, since I personally dabble in the dark art of film criticism — were obsessed with the film’s production woes and its bloated budget.

Hammer’s co-star, noted thespian Johnny Depp, concurs:

I think the reviews were written 7 or 8 months, probably, before we ever released the thing. [...] [The critics'] expectations of it, it must be a blockbuster, this and that, I didn’t have any expectations of that. I never do, why would I?

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Pushing Depp’s “Look at me, I’m an interesting artist and above petty commerce” routine aside — despite his expectation to get paid like someone who top-lines blockbusters (and to his defenders, I invite you to look at his IMDB page in search of just five arthouse pictures that he has done since 1995′s Dead Man to prove his worth as an artist and not an utterly generic, take the money and run movie star.), this is the standard issue nonsense from people who are trying to sell a film in international markets.

Remember, those markets know that this is a film that has already been covered in a mixture of granulated shit and five week old hobo piss by its 28% Rotten Tomatometer rating and the fact that Disney is saying that it will possibly lose them $190 million dollars, so of course they’re going to need to be sweet talked.

What I don’t understand, though, is why Mark Wahlberg, who has nothing to do with this bloated whale corpse of a movie, would enter the fray, but Marky Mark unleashed his own funky bunch of bullshit too, saying: 

First and foremost, the media is targeting all these movies, [...] There’s intense scrutiny on us, way more than before.

It’s worth noting that Wahlberg also laid into the industry a bit, earning a bit of respect before cashing that in defense of Michael Bay, with whom he is now tied thanks to Transformers 4 — a film that, if anything like its predecessors, will be the kind of big, dumb, heavy metal and light worth actioner that Wahlberg maligns in his previous breath.

I don’t want to talk about that, though, I want to talk about Wahlberg’s use of the word “targeting”, because in my view, it’s movie viewers who are being targeted by the Hollywood machine and it is critics — as unsympathetic as we may be at times — who do our best to at least put a fucking shield of insight into the hands of the audience so they don’t get knocked down and cleaned out.

Why is that needed? Well, to put it plainly, movies cost money, they don’t come with a refund policy, and times are tough. It’s that simple. Going to the movies represents a gamble and consumers have no protection against a film’s PR campaign, save for word of mouth and those damned critics and entertainment journalists.

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Now, I’m not going to sit here and espouse the virtues of every single film critic.

Let’s face it, some critics are shit, burdened by cynicism and inspired by a backwards set of priorities like the pursuit of access and the puffing of their own ego. These are the people who make you question their ethics as they write up a review while wearing studio swag. The people who cream their shorts for a pull quote, and who get so hard when they see a Re-Tweet from a studio that they pass out from blood loss.

Fuck those people, but they are the minority, not the majority.

The majority of critics are simply offering up their honest opinion about what they are seeing as a way of conveying information. Take their advice, don’t take their advice, it’s up to you.

But if you unequivocally trust people like Johnny Depp, Mark Wahlberg, and Jerry Bruckheimer to be straight with you while they’re trying to sell you their movie, and cheer when they say that critics are the problem, you deserve to get rolled.

Source: Blastr, /Film

More from this author on this topic: Means, Motive, and Opportunity: How We Get Played as Suckers