Justin Long

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When I was young, my dad used to constantly relay an old maxim. “Son,” he’d say, “the loudest guy in the bar is always going to be the least tough.” Outside of providing me with an essential bit of sage wisdom when it came to assessing the chances of getting my ass kicked, this brief aphorism doubled as one of my first lessons in the art of storytelling. Essentially, what my father was relaying was a tutorial in how to determine intent — to pick through a story’s delivery and try to understand just why it was being told. Keeping this truism in mind, I’m having a tough time deciding just why in the hell Kevin Smith decided to make Tusk, his latest foray into the world of horror filmmaking. While the New Jersey writer/director is certainly stretching outside of his comfort zone with this demented slice of body horror, it ultimately is nothing more than another juvenile descent into nonsense. To borrow from another tried and true expression (whose zoological roots seem fit for a movie about a loon transforming another man into a walrus): “a leopard cannot change its spots.”  (more…)

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This is the best week of the year.

Seriously. If you’ve never been to Fantastic Fest before, start saving now to book your flight to Austin, Texas in 2015. Even if you have no idea what Fantastic Fest is as you’re reading this article, just start monitoring your bank account and scanning Southwest Airlines’ website for cheap flights. Because no other film fest in the world is like this one — a non-stop cortège of badass genre movies, video games, boxing matches, trivia challenges, drunken debauchery and the biggest food fight Texas has ever seen. Where at most other fests you have to parse through a sea of party-hopping star fuckers to find the real film fans, at Fantastic Fest you’re rubbing elbows with the most hardcore sect of cinephiles from the world over every single day. Simply put: if you love movies, this is Nirvana.

In 2014, Fantastic Fest is celebrating its tenth year of existence. To ring in such a grand occasion, the programmers and Alamo Drafthouse Founder/CEO Tim League are sparing no expense. Want to see League verbally spar with Ti West about whether or not found footage is a legitimate sub-genre (before they both don gloves and wail on each other in the ring)? Fantastic Fest X has got you covered. Wondering if the new Kevin Smith horror picture is worth its weight in snoogins? Fantastic Fest X has got you covered. How about a detailed Q&A with longtime film critic Leonard Maltin, moderated by former Drafthouse programmer extraordinaire Zack Carlson and suave Vulcan Video head Bryan Connolly? Fantastic Fest X has got you covered.

Welcome to Fantastic Fest X. To get you started, here are the eleven films we here at Nerd Bastards are most excited for. Not gonna lie, it’s going to be a rough and tumble seven days, but just remember what the fox once said:

“Chaos Reigns” (more…)

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Galaxy Quest was arguably one of the best sci-fi flicks of the 90’s.  The movie was a funny, not-so-subtle parody of Star Trek, that spoke to both audiences and critics alike. In fact, included in the director commentary for the 2009 Star Trek reboot, J.J. Abrams called Galaxy Quest “one of the best Star Trek movies ever made”. The movie follows the cast of Galaxy Quest, a science fiction television series that was cancelled decades before, as they discover that much of what they portrayed on the show was made reality by a peaceful alien race who believe the episodes are documentaries. The crew soon find themselves traveling through space in real life and fighting for the survival of the race that depends on them.  Like the original Trek series, fans who loved the Galaxy Quest movie refuse to let it die, and it turns out they aren’t the only ones. (more…)

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I thought Kevin Smith was going to retire?

First, his hockey picture was just that — one picture. Then it became a miniseries (and I think switched back to being a standalone movie?). Subsequently, news broke of a Clerks III script (that could possibly end up on Broadway — wait no, that was utter bullshit). In-between, he somehow came to serve the diligent anti-diletante fans of his who could afford a cable subscription (snoochies and boochies be expensive y’all). Currently, he’s finishing up production on Tusk, his follow-up to the 2011 horrific hack job, Red StateIt’s almost as hard as keeping up with Tarantino rumors when he was churning out a new potential project seemingly every other week (though not nearly as interesting, as QT is actually talented). Now comes the announcement of Anti-Claus, yet another horror project that will re-team the Jersey Devil with the cast of his yet-to-be-seen Tusk (Justin Long, Haley Joel Osment, Genesis Rodriguez and Michael Parks). The only good news I can glean from this announcement? It will delay the production of future turd-burger Clerks III for at least a little while longer.

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Yesterday, we showed you the first look at Bruce Willis and Jai Courtney as John and Jack McClane in next year’s Die Hard 5: Good Day to Die Hard, but an image can only do so much. Sure, Bruce still looks like he could take a few shots and Jai is certainly better suited to action then most would-be leading boy-men, but what’s the movie going to be like?

We won’t know until February 14th of next year but 20th Century Fox has released the first sneak peak of all the yippee-ki-yayiness we’re surely in store for.

Synopsis:

Since the first Die Hard in 1988, John McClane has found himself in the wrong place at the wrong time, with the skills and attitude to always be the last man standing, making him enemy #1 for terrorists the world over. Now, McClane faces his greatest challenge ever, this time on an international stage, when his estranged son Jack is caught up in the daring prison escape of a rogue Russian leader, and father and son McClane must work together to keep each other alive and keep the world safe for democracy.

The “007” of New Jersey, this movie is going to be explosively awesome no matter how cheesy everything turns out. Hopefully, Jai puts up more of a fight than Justin Long did in the last Die Hard, it was like watching all his scenes from Dodgeball over again.

A Good Day to Die Hard stars Bruce Willis, Jai Courtney, Sebastian Koch, Yulia Snigir, Cole Hauser, Amaury Nolasco, Megalyn Echikunwoke, Anne Vyalitsyna and is directed by John Moore.

Special thanks to the fellas over at Hey U Guys for sharing the trailer.

Take half of the Farrelly Brothers (Peter Farrelly), mix in a whole pack of other directors (Elizabeth Banks, Steven Brill, Steve Carr, Rusty Cundieff, James Duffy, Griffin Dunne, Patrik Forsberg, James Gunn, Bob Odenkirk and Brett Ratner) and an astonishingly large cast of famous faces (I’m not going to list them all, just watch the trailer and you’ll recognize everyone) and what do you get? A movie that looks far funnier than I think any of us expected. The true cinephile will recall classic comedy anthology movies like Kentucky Fried Movie, Amazon Women On The Moon and The Groove Tube, and by the looks of it, Farrelly intends to resurrect the genre with Movie 43.

Hot damn does it look funny. Check the trailer out below, but be warned it is very NSFW due to f-bombs and nudity. Yes, the Movie 43 trailer, come for the nudity and Kate Winslet cursing, stay to be inspired by Terrence Howard.

For the past, oh lets say forever, there has been talk of a live action big screen blockbuster adaption of the Justice League. Rumor after rumor, year after year, still no movie. Well, it looks like we are finally getting a big screen version of DC Comics powerhouse team of superheroes, sorta.

Collider recently ogled the breasts of  spoke with Leslie Bibb about her new horror project 7500, and the topic of Peter and Bobby Farrelly‘s comedy anthology Movie 43. Bibb will be don the bracelets and tiara of Wonder Woman in a short that will also feature   Jason Sudekis as Batman, Bobby Cannavale (The Other Guys) as a “jacked-up” Batman, Kristen Bell as Supergirl, Uma Thurman as Lois Lane, John Hodgman as Penguin with Justin Long as Robin.

Collider: You’re in a new film called Movie 43 from the Farrelly Brothers play…Wonder Woman?

Bibb: The Farrelly Brothers did this compilation of these shorts and there’s a whole slew of us. Hugh Jackman did one, Gerard Butler, Kate Winslet. Mine is, me and Jason Sudeikis and Justin Long and Bobby Cannavale and um…John Hodgman is the Penguin. And Bobby Cannavale is a jacked up Superman who smokes. And we all are like these [frick]ed up superheroes. Like, I’m sleeping with Batman [Sudeikis]. He won’t call me back. I’m kind of crazy. And we’re at this dating mixer. Uma Thurman is, I think is Supergirl and Kristen Bell is Supergirl and Uma Thurman is Lois Lane or something. And we’re all just dysfunctional superheroes, like superheroes who just can’t get a date. So we’re all at this speed dating thing. So, I’m Wonder Woman and I have on this amazing wig and the whole getup, which was pretty fantastic. And I’m crazier than bat shit. Like, she is really crazy, so it was really fun because I know Jason and he won’t call me back and I love him and he just doesn’t care about me. And so it proved to be a good time.

The segment is apparently inspired by amazingly funny Robins Big Date, that had Sam Rockwell star opposite Justin Long as Batman and Robin. If you’ve never seen it, watch it now after the jump.

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