Mother’s day is fast approaching . . . it’s this Sunday dude . . . that’s tomorrow. If you haven’t planned and taken care of your Mother’s Day Duties: cards, flowers, candies, breakfast in bed, dinner out, then you had better get on the ball and get it done.
So let’s take a look at some of Nerdom’s moms that you wouldn’t want to mess with for one reason or another.
Mama Fratelli – The Goonies
The best way to sum up this NerdBastards feelings towards Mama Fratelli is to say that she be happy to drive you around house to house to trick or treat on Halloween, then take your bag of candy when you got home. Favorite Mama Fratelli quote:
Mouth: Is this supposed to be water?
Mama Fratelli: It’s wet, ain’t it? Drink it!
Flemeth – Dragon Age
Voiced by: Kate Mulgrew
Flemeth is the legendary “Witch of the Wilds.” Why is she on the list? Well, how about conceiving and raising her daughter only so Flemeth could invade and take over her daughter’s body, destroying Morrigan’s soul and living forever or at least until she needed another replacement body. That’s some hardcore motherly love.
Mom – Futurama
Mom owns and manages 99.7% of MomCorp, a large, multi-billion dollar industrial complex with numerous subsidiaries and a monopoly on robot production. Publicly, she retains the image of a sweet, bustling old woman who often slips into the stereotype of a hapless grandmother (she wears antiquated clothes that greatly accentuate her bust and general figure, while using rustic metaphors such as “squeaking like an old screen door”). Behind the scenes, however, she is malevolent, foul-mouthed, chain-smoking, cold-hearted, and narcissistic. She routinely abuses her sons and others, verbally and physically, like the minions she sees them to be.
Mystique – Marvel Comics X-men
Abandon one child to a band of traveling circus gypsies while raising another foster child to be a super villain destroying your enemies. This chick is mother Teresa material. Sure she can look like anyone at any time . . . except on Mother’s day when she is no where to be found.
Alien Queen – Aliens
The mother of all space monster mothers. She is one mother you don’t want mess with or threaten her offspring. She will gut you faster than an Ahi-tuna sushi chef. Ripley said it best:
“You know, Burke, I don’t know which species is worse. You don’t see them fucking each other over for a goddamn percentage.”
Shaft – Shaft
He’s a bad mutha . . .
SHUT YO MOUTH ! ! !
I’m just talkin bout Shaft.
Cersi “Lannister” Baratheon – Game of Thrones
If a mother can be judged by the quality of her children then Cersi has a lot of explaining to do. She tells her child that everyone is an enemy and no one can deny him anything. How can she be surprised when that child turns into the most hated character in the whole George R.R. Martin series. The only character in the whole series seen trying to teach Joffery something is his uncle Tyrion, by then it’s way too late.
Tyrion: “You love your children. It’s your one redeeming quality; that and your cheekbones.”
Lori Grimes – The Walking Dead
Where’s Carl, Lori?
WHERE THE FRACK IS CARL?!?!?!
I’ll tell ya . . .
HE”S POKING A ZOMBIE WITH A STICK IN THE WOODS BY HIMSELF!!!
If I had a nickel for every time Lori had no idea where her child Carl was I could afford that Riot Shotgun I have my eye on for Zombie protection. Once the zombie apocalypse starts I think that knowing where your children are at all times would pretty much top a Mother’s List of Duties. Wait, she can’t be that bad. When she learned that her husband was not back from town yet she jumped into a car and drove after him (WHERE”S CARL LORI?!?!). Of course she did manage to crash the car when she was the ONLY CAR IN OPERATION ON THE ROADS IN THE STATE OF GEORGIA AT THE TIME. This NerdBastard has taken Lori off the carpool list.
Sarah Conner – Terminator Franchise
When Sarah Conner finds out her child will one day save mankind from the robot apocalypse she doesn’t curl up into a ball and wait for the end. She steps up, buffs up, and arms up. She’s willing to do what ever it takes to keep her son (and Mankind) safe, she is willing to take a bullet, grenade, or sliver metal Terminator finger blade to keep John safe. Get in her way and you will soon realize your mistake.
Daenerys Targaryen – Game of Thrones
“I am Daenerys Stormborn and I will take what is mine, with fire and blood.”
She is the mother of dragons. She will eat the bloody hearts of her enemies to protect her children, or at least some bloody horse heart. It’s hard to say much more without throwing spoilers out there so this NerdBastard is gonna just leave it there.