�� Podcast

The BastardCast vs. Marvel Comics, Tom Cruise, and The Terrible Secret Of Jason’s Couch

05-04-13 • Featured Posted by Team Bastard

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This week on the supple Bastardcast, your mother lets Jeremy and Jason out of her bed long enough to talk about Free Comic Book Day, Doctorless Who and the Time Lord’s E-Harmony account, the great Marvel vs. DC debate, and the return of four classic Marvel characters to the Disney owned Marvel Movie Universe that will now be completely ignored after being totally abandoned. So, welcome back Matt Murdock!

Also on the show: Fanboys have Fury over Human Torch casting rumor, Ray-J and Brandy (or possibly another pair of siblings) joining the Avengers if “sources” are to be believed, Jim Gaffigan doesn’t care about your toenails and we don’t care about the resulting controversy, and stop, collaborate, and listen as Ziggy Stardust Jr. compares Tom Cruise to Vanilla Ice.

Do you demand more? Alrighty, Jason performs emergency surgery on a couch that may contain a pathway to another dimension, Charlie Day rides a robot like a bronco while it pinata’s the head of a monster with the whooping stick made of 100% boat, and the boys sing an ode to Grand Theft Auto Trevor, patron saint of fucking shit up and wife-beater tees.

All that, vaginal care products, fresh meat for the Hall of Excellence, and the continuing search for Jeremy’s stolen Batman colorforms on this week’s episode of The Bastardcast.

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The Bastardcast: Please don’t listen to us while you masturbate.

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The BastardCast vs. the Specter of George Lucas and the Spectacle of Daniel Aykroyd

04-28-13 • Featured Posted by Team Bastard

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This week on The Bastardcast, which is a thing you apparently listen to, Jeremy and Jason discuss why Dan Aykroyd‘s hope tastes like tumor salad. Also, the great question of life is asked: why is Futurama no longer a TV show but Vanilla Ice churning freaking butter is?

Wait! There are more things! Can JJ Abrams woo George Lucas away from the butter sculpting circuit (and if not, will Lucas align with Vanilla Ice to form the unstoppable butter-duo “Ice Ice Jawa”?)

Also, do robot’s draw dicks on mars and order pizza via Xbox because they are freaking douche bags? Is Joss Whedon pulling an us while really mailing it in with SHIELD? Will there ever be a good Daredevil movie? Do you even remember the long abandoned Bastardcast VERSUS segment? And who is the biggest one-eyed freaking badass on Earth: Nick Fury or Snake Plissken?

We don’t know the answer to any of this stuff, but we do know that Anthony Michael Hall and Ethan Embry’s work on a banner and a jacket to welcome Ed Helms to the Rusty Grisswold club is a COMPLETE FREAKING WASTE!

All of that and our slightly tardy 2010 Winter Movie Preview, on The Bastardcast!

The Bastardcast: Can we say fuck on here?

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The BastardCast vs Sex Bots and Patrick Swayze’s Ghost

04-13-13 • Featured Posted by Team Bastard

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This week on The Bastardcast: Jason and Jeremy return from their tour of Yo Momma to talk about the big drama surrounding a little bit of peen in Saga #12, a Game of Thrones fan’s Craigslist enabled sexy time fantasy, and world renowned sugar-tit enthusiast Mel Gibson’s possible directorial return for The Expendables vs. The Macabees: A Time Travel Adventure, aka Expendables 3.

Also on the show: Would you have sex with a robot? 9% of you would according to a new poll and apparently 50% of our adventurous hosts would as well. So, yeah, we’ll be dedicating some time to discuss Cylon banging.

We’ll also tackle the sale Shatner’s phaser, the return of Carrie Kelley to Batman comics, the departure of Microsoft’s former creative director and chief gamer pisser off-er, the sacrificial lamb that is Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Warner Bros. big DC movie plans, TV’s favorite couple (TEAM KADEEM!), and Jeremy and Jason try to figure out why Jodie Foster is rocking a smart pantsuit 140 years into the future in the somewhat District 9-y Elysium trailer.

All that and a lyrical ode to Axel Rose’ bulge on… The Bastardcast.

The Bastardcast: Nucking Futs and horrendously bad at spelling.

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The BastardCast vs. Time Traveling Zombie Dragons

03-31-13 • Featured Posted by Team Bastard

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This week on The Bastardcast, Jeremy and Jason welcome Nerdbastard and Blastr word pooper-outer Mathew Jackson to venture out into the super unknown and discuss the burden in Jon Hamm‘s hand (wordboy means his dick, “Hamm Dickgate Part 2″), the majesty of Zombie Time Traveling Dragon Weekend, aka Time Traveling Dragon Zombie Weekend, aka… you get the picture… Doctor Who and Game of Thrones are back! The Walking Dead is going away! We’re talking about it!!

Also on the show!

Can Independence Day 2 and Independence Day 3 outshine the original while blowing up the outside world? Ash Williams has been away too long, will the rumored Army of Darkness sequel live to rise? Not enough for you? How about Jason becoming a born again Nerdist fan and the mystery of Heisenberg’s stolen script, bitch!?

Holy great pillowy boob-resembley cloud in the sky! You want more? Fine, how about we talk about a great innovation in sexy time? A bacon condom that both looks and tastes like bacon when you have bacon-y big dumb sex? How about that slice of butter fried greatness? We don’t even care that the Vandelay Industries pastrami flavored condom never took off, this is better!

C’mon folks, WRAP YOUR HAMM IN BACON AND DELTA YOUR BURKE!!! (Listen to the show to get that reference.)

The Bastarcast: We really like Soundgarden and exclamation points!

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The BastardCast vs. Suckas and Fools and Pork Products Too

03-23-13 • Featured Posted by Team Bastard

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This week on this thing that is stellar (aka The Bastardcast): Jeremy and Jason deal with the death of Amanda Bynes Drakenated downstairs corridor, the disappointment that is Denny’s Baconated menu, how to escape the Escape from New York reboot, the trailer for Star Trek Into Darkness About The Notion of What Star Trek Was Before JJ Abrams, and a madcap scheme to partially own part of a guy’s face.

These fine gentlemen also talk about the small reason why one particular couple in Taiwan are getting a divorce, the big reason why Jon Hamm is suddenly a social pariah (hint: his new rap names are Ol’ BRICK DICK and Hamm sausage McWiggle), Jason’s wife found him on Twitter, and Jean Claude Van Damme is thinking about doing things to the Marvel Movie Universe.

The Bastardcast: We have boundary issues.

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The BastardCast vs. Vatican Assassin Dolphins, Canada, and Your Face

03-15-13 • Featured Posted by Team Bastard

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This week on The Bastardcast, Jeremy and Jason get down with the sickness that is Kickstarter revivals, wrestler/actors, and their low budget/high concept version of what Jurassic Park 4 would look like.

You want more? You need it? Fine, we will be your podcast heroin — who want’s to talk about the Pope!?!?! Yeah you do, how about Ukrainian assassin dolphins? Oh, now we got your attention. Ready for the money shot? The Papal pop-shot if you will? How about this: The Pope riding on the back of a Ukrainian assassin dolphin to take on Steven Seagal?! BOOM! Don’t trip on your brain pieces that fell on the floor when we blew your mind with that thing we just said.

I can’t believe you want more show, I can’t believe how voracious your appetites are and the fact that I just used the word voracious in a way that is proper. Fine! We will give you more show! You insatiable pod-gobbler!

KEVIN SMITH EATING A SANDWICH, ASTRONAUT: THE MUSICAL, IRAN DOESN’T LIKE BEN AFFLECK‘S APPLES, AND SLY STALLONE WANTS YOUNG MEN… for Expendables 3.

All that, and a whole other podcast tacked onto the back of this one that will have hilarity ensuing all over your face and up in your business.

The Bastardcast: Kickstartering a Perfect Strangers trilogy since 8 minutes ago.

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The BastardCast vs. Batman, George Lucas, and the Legion of Butter

03-09-13 • Featured Posted by Team Bastard

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This week on THE BASTARDCAST, Jason and Jeremy return after a brief hiatus to talk about why George Lucas hates you, Community pander-puppets, why nobody seems to care about Robin’s death… including Batman, and a pantsless drunk chick and her pow-pow-power wheel aided attempt to escape the long arm of the law.

Also on the show: Jason feels tough, Warner Bros. tries to buy back Christian Bale‘s Bat-love, Russell Crowe see’s a UFO, Jon Stewart opens the door for Craigers-Redux, and a space privateer wants to create the world’s worst sitcom… in space!

What, you want more? Fine! How about we bring you the first annual “Night of 1,000 Horrible Impressions” and the boys discussing a lego spill in West Virginia, the Late Night wars, headless giraffes, kosher porn, a way for Bill Murray to sell out for a good cause, The Walking Dead, Jeremy’s Poseidon-y Adventure, a lost tomb of wet comic books, the Tweet of the Week, one man’s ceaseless love of the white powder, the divine splendor of butter statues, and why everyone hates Megan Fox.

All that, the regrettable omission of the term “boob guns”, the “Ignition” of a debate about the National Anthem, and a desperate appeal for Dan Harmon‘s love and your hate.

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The Bastardcast: In our free time, we write erotic Magnum PI fanfic.

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The BastardCast vs. Bad Van Damme, Bad Playstation Plans and, General Badassery

02-22-13 • Featured Posted by Team Bastard

This week on The Bastardcast, Jason and Jeremy trick Badass Digest’s Evan Saathoff into coming on the show and then they talk about Universal Soldier, the best and worst of Jean-Claude Van Damme‘s time on this earth.

Also on the show: Nic Cage bought a pyramid for which to die in, Mark Hamill is going to talk to somebody official about being in Star Wars someday, Kevin Smith wants to teach stoners how to read, and Batman is more hazardous to young boys than a [insert stock catholicism joke here]

Jason and Jeremy also try to form words about the unholy joining of Michael Bay and Megan Fox for a movie about Turtles that may be Teenage Ninjas and Sony’s big invisible video game system is revealed… we think.

The Bastardcast: We’d eat a person if the circumstances demanded it.

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The BastardCast vs Giant Rocks, Huge Flops and, Canada

02-16-13 • Featured Posted by Team Bastard

This time on The Bastardcast: Jeremy and Jason try to keep it together as they discuss meteoroids, asteroids, zombies, and other world enders like Warner Brothers’ development slate and the Dan Harmonless Community. Also, Jeremy and Jason nerd out on all the Toy Fair 2013 news and then fight about A Good Day to Die Hard.

Following that, Jeremy swings low on latest member of the X-Men First Class: Days of Future Past cast, Jason goes off the deep end when Jeremy mocks Han Solo, and they both think the that reports about the demise of the video game industry are premature and full of poop.

Yes, it’s the kind of high brow episode where our fearless hosts let you know that an actor’s artistic worth is determined by how many times he shows peen on the screen. In fact, that’s this week’s special happy fun hashtag, #PeenOnTheScreen.

All that and more #FebruMurray fun as we continue to celebrate noted kickball striker Bill Murray.

The Bastardcast: Presently running low on witty taglines.

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The BastardCast vs. Solo Going Solo, ‘Community’ Going Crapo, and Space Porno

02-09-13 • Featured Posted by Team Bastard

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This time, on The Bastardcast: Jeremy and Jason talk about the possible death of the Justice League, the rise of the solo Star Wars films and how they relate to the cinema film Little Man, Godzilla‘s meth dealer, Bruce Willis and the power of words, GI Joe and the Patriot Act, and a porn star in S-P-A-C-E!!!

The boys also discuss the weeping soul blister that was the return of the Dan Harmonless Community, the return of The Walking Dead, kitty cats on the Monopoly board, art vs. commerce in video games, and part 2 of our epic tribute to Bill Murray, code name: #FebruMurray, alternative code name: If we blow him enough with our words, he’ll surely come sing karaoke with us/Operation Thunder.

So come on down, have some pancakes, and let us uplift, educate, and violate you with this edition of The Bastardcast!