Porn Parodies

A Handy Guide To Superhero Porn Parodies

A small confession before we start. When I began researching this article I wanted to write a guide to geek based porn parodies  as a whole. A full top down view of the XXX/nerd landscape. After a few hours of I came upon the realization that there is a lot of porn out there. A LOT. There is also a large section of it that caters (or tries to) to the nerdy palate. From interview/gonzo style with ‘real’ gamer girls (Geek Girls: The Gamers) to the obvious fantasy/D&D styled (This Ain’t Conan The Barbarian XXX 3D). Hell the sitcom parodies alone number near if not over 100. They have even made porn parodies of cartoons, non-animated mind you. Family Guy, The Simpsons, American Dad. The vast amount of nerd porn out there is staggering, I just about googled ‘calculus porn’ for crying out loud. It must be out there, somewhere.

I had to narrow the sample size and specialize or I would spend the next 2 years of my life watching porn 24 hours a day. I would, mind you, since I care that deeply for you wonderful readers out there, but I have a day job.

So, with 3 companies locking up the superhero porn market (NSFW links: Vivid Superhero, Extreme Comixxx, and bluebirdfilms.) I grabbed a dozen titles that seemed to cover the basics of the superhero porn sub-genre. Covering all the big names, Batman, Superman, Iron Man. I will watch them all in no particular order and see what comes out. I worded that bad, I mean watch them with a comic nerds eye and see how the darker side of this 3 colour icons turns out.

I also realize that I can talk to much about the porn side of these movies. Not out of some high morale stance or fear that I might harm your delicate sensibilities, more so the fact that it’s going to get really boring, real quick if I do. These are dirty movies, with people doing dirty things to other people, and then roll over and doing something else dirty to someone else in the room. Take that as a given. The clips that I used are SFW, but… they are still from porn. There are sounds. People in at your workplace will hear those sounds a look at you oddly in the lunch room, if your comfortable with that, good.

Let’s begin.

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http://i2.wp.com/hard-toons.net/xxx-mario-bros/hentai-cartoon-xxx-porn/pic-hentai-sex-toon-01.jpg?resize=300%2C261

First off I have to burst your hopeful little Nerdbastard heart, and tell you that this is NOT a trailer for an upcoming Porn parody of Mario Brothers.  This is the comedic genius of a group that calls themselves Dr. Coolsex.  Dr. Coolsex is a sketch comedy group in NYC that focuses on sketch comedy, Super Mario series, interactive adventures, parodies, music videos, and MORE!  They are Alex Charak, Dustin Drury, and Greg Murtha.  Just plug in some real sex scenes and you’d have a pretty professional porn movie.

Super Mario and the gang star in this faux porn trailer. Cast includes Mario, Luigi, Princess Peach, Princess Daisy, Toad, Toadette, Waluigi, Wario, Donkey Kong, Yoshi, and Bowser!

So this is from a comedy group and is not a real Porn Parody . . . YET.  I give them about a month before some Porn industry professional rips it off and makes their own Mario World Porn Parody.  So if “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery,” is “Porn Imitation” of an imitation, the greatest form of fluffery?

We should all get used to the idea that the Porn Industry is hanging by a thread financially.  The Internet, which was fueled early on by the porn industry has now made Porn so plentiful and free that there is little to no money to be made.  Don’t get me wrong, someone is still making money on Porn on the Internet, just not the film makers of today.

The thin legal line that Parody affords the Porn industry is going to mean that they generate as much Porn Parody of any title out there, no matter how crazy, until the money train that is Porn Parody collides with copyright law in the near future.

source: buzzfeed

[Editors Note: I’ve written 3 paragraphs more than I needed to. So, in short- There will be a Reservoir Dogs porn. That is all.]

Us nerdbastards sure love porn. We love it like a fat guy likes cake. Now, when pornos make their way into the nerd medium by parodying pop culture with titles like Batman: A XXX Parody, The Sex Files, This Ain’t Avatar XXX that just makes us shoot massive, white, ropey wads of nerd splooge (Enough to give Spider-Man a run for his money.).  Some naysayers are complaining that there is just too many goddamn titles coming out. Ya got a Hulk parody, Avengers, Justice League, Superman, Wonder Woman, Star Wars…etc. Could it be becoming too much of a good thing? Too much porn? Never! Never, I tell you!

Adding to the library of greatest porno ideas ever comes (I’m throwing the word “come” around an awful lot) a parody to rule them all. AVN reports [link definitely not safe for work] that Exquisite Films, the same company that just did a porno Justice League film, is working on an “upscale, mature parody of Quentin Tarantino’s cult classic. Reservoir Dogs” Yes my horny nerd brethren a motha fuckin’ Reservoir Dogs porno will be in our grasps. If you’re like “Wha? Why is that a good idea?” may we remind you of the very raunchy dick talk in the films opening sequence? That dialog alone is reason to grant the idea of a Reservoir Dogs porn. After the first ten minutes, why watch the rest of the movie? Just think of the hilarity that will ensue when they go to porno-fy certain sequences in the film. Like what gets cut off, if not an ear? How are they gonna handle that? Do we even want to know…lol? Mr. Orange bleeding all over the back seat of Mr. White’s car also comes to mind.

Now, here’s the kicker. This son’ bitch is planned to be 3 hours long. I guess when you try to make a sex flick out of 99-minutes of dialogue then it’s run time is unavoidable, that is if you wish to capture the story and essence of the flick. But, 3 hours? Motha’ fuck, I can’t make it passed 30 minutes in any porn. Fuck, I’m lucky if I get passed 30 seconds (those quick, flashy trailers of other porn titles do me in every time.).

That cast includes Chanel Preston as Ms. Orange, Andy San Dimas as Ms White, Lizzy Borden as Ms. Blonde, Kimberly Kane as Ms. Pink and Raylene as Nice Girl Eddie.

It’s on my illegally download wish list.

source: slashfilm

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