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Sean Connery

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The cinematic landscape has been littered with remakes and reboots almost since the first moving pictures were shown commercially. But lately we have been getting new versions of classic pictures that are still very much in the public consciousness such as Total Recall (2012) and this year’s Point Break. That neither of these was either wanted or well received seems to be beyond the point. And the recent trend for basically effectively remaking an original film with some of the older characters still present also seems to also be gaining traction, although efforts such as Creed (Rocky all over again) and Star Wars: The Force Awakens (it’s the same story!) are at least excellent viewing.  (more…)

The Ghost of Harrison Ford

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The sad reality is, Harrison Ford’s best work is likely behind him. 42 was a nice change of pace, but it was more an impression than a performance, and it wasn’t exactly universally lauded.

Ford rushed the screen with authority in Ender’s Game, but that looks like an island of goodness in an ocean of mediocrity stretching back to the start of the millennium and the surprising horror film What Lies Beneath. Sadly, the future doesn’t look terribly bright, either, with a collection of potential re-hashes and likely worthless cameos in pictures like Anchorman 2 and Expendables 3.

For some reason, all of this bothers me, and I don’t like it.

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This time on The BastardCast, Jere… screw it. BATMAN FEVER! Ben Affleck is the latest actor to put on the cowl and Jeremy and Jason have armed themselves against the imposing waves of nerd hate to talk about the good, the bad, and the unknown regarding Warner Bros. shocking choice.

That’s not all! There’s other stuff to discuss like Sylvester Stallone’s possible Rambo return, the way that Mel Gibson may be curling his way back to legitimacy, a cell phone that goes up your butt (no, it’s not the platinum iPhone), and a robot stand-up comedian.

More? Fine! Jason yells about Steven Moffat’s comments about the Doctor’s regeneration limit, Katee Sackhoff wants to play Harley Quinn and Mark Wahlberg wants to play Iron Man, and a Canadian dentist wants to play God thanks to his pricey purchase of a John Lennon tooth and advances in Mammoth cloning.

We’ve also got Jason drooling all over The World’s End, Simon Pegg getting lippy about Star Trek fans, Sean Connery’s sad cinematic death, and for some reason, Jason adopts a Scottish accent for the last 7 minutes of the show.

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The BastardCast: We did not try to set Dick Van Dyke on fire.

 

It’s all fun and games until someone puts out an eye, chops off an hand, or lops off a head. Then it’s all sniveling, running to Mom, and the sting of Iodine. I’m not sure there’s enough Iodine on hand in the bathroom cabinet for the people in the movies listed below. That might take more than just a tube or two. Everyone likes the scenes in movies that shock or surprise you. The best of those scenes also throw in a little mutilation and limb flying action. It’s interesting to note that of the ten movies scenes listed below, only three of the ten, are concidered Horror movies.

You might notice that the list is not numbered and not in any real order. It’s a random listing of ten of the greatest scenes where someone is chopped, has a body part lopped, or removed with extreme prejudice. This NerdBastard is confident that you, the reader,  can arrange the scenes in order of your preferences and probably add a scene or two that escaped this NerdBastard’s feeble memory. That’s what the comments section is for isn’t it? Before you start drafting that comment to slice, dice, and eviscerate this writer’s humble attempt to amuse the masses, check out the scenes below. You can watch the videos by clicking on the highlighted links, isn’t technology wonderful?

 

Monty Python and the Holy GrailBlack Knight scene. This scene, hell this movie, is such a big part of many of our geek childhoods. One would be hard pressed to find a D&D player that has not said, “It’s only a flesh wound.” at least once while playing. Don’t even mention that we get FOUR limbs sliced and diced by Arthur in one great scene. When I was looking for this scene I have to admit that I ended up watching about half the movie before I got back to the article.

 

 

SawThe foot cutting scene. This might be the scene that most average movie goers think of first when thinking about limbs being chopped and or lopped off. The build up is fantastic, the music gripping, you just can’t look away, even when you want to. This is the Evil Dead 2 hand scene without the humor that made it bearable. Since we just mentioned it:

 

Evil Dead 2The Hand chop scene. Even considering the self fight scene from  Fight Club, this Evil Dead 2 scene is still the greatest self fight scene in the history of cinema. The mixture of humor and horror has never been done any better than in this scene with Ash fighting his own hand.

 

Reservoir DogsThe ear torture scene. When you get a moment look this scene up on YouTube  and check out how many re-shot, student /  film school videos this scene has inspired. The act of brutality is implied off screen making it even more horrible and the lightness of the accompanying music is a stroke of genius. The whole scene is chilling, not seeing the actual cuts makes you feel them even more.

 

HighlanderThe Death of Ramirez. This NerdBastard is not ashamed to admit tearing up the first time he watched this scene. The fight, the lightning storm, and the final beheading was great to watch, too bad they never made any other Highlander movies. I mean it wouldn’t be much of a Highlander movie without Ramirez in it and without his head Ramirez couldn’t come back, that would make NO SENSE WHAT SO EVER!

 

Dawn of the Dead 1970Helicopter vs Zombie scene. It’s an age old question, who wins in a helicopter versus Zombie fight. Dawn of the Dead is arguably the greatest Zombie movie ever made. I saw this movie before watching Night of the Living Dead. This was back when television played what it wanted to when it wanted to and you got lucky to catch a movie like this on some VHF late monster movie show. Now a days you young wipper snappers just go to the YouTube and watch what you want when you want. Crap, you made me pull out the old man rant.

 

Kill Bill 2The eye pluck scene. The entire movie is about Kiddo slicing and dicing her way through all her enemies to get to Bill. The Crazy 88’s scene must have at least 20 cut off limbs alone. The eye pluck rises to the top though as a body part removal with extreme prejudice. Watch Elle’s face just before while their swords are locked. See that smirk, Elle knows she is stronger and has the advantage as the situation stands. Beatrix knows it as well and changes the odds with the eye pluck, it worked before with the other eye years ago, why not now?

 

The Silence of the LambsHannibal escapes scene. Hannibal cuts off the face of one of the guards in order to wear it and escape. When The Office parodies the scene, you know it had to be good. Re-watching this scene was a treat. The classical music playing while Hannibal brutally beats and murders those guards with no expression on his face except a hint of superiority and smugness.

 

Conan the BarbarianThulsa Doom Death scene. This was the movie back in the day. Somebody should make a remake of this movie, ONE THAT DOESN”T SUCK BALLS!

Having your village destroyed – FREE.

Throw into slavery and trained as a gladiator – FREE.

Killing the man that destroyed your family with your father’s broken sword in front of his legion of followers – PRICELESS.

One has to admire that Conan went with a “V” cut instead of the traditional horizontal slice. The sheer barbarity of the two stokes makes it memorable. Conan hacks the head off then plays Plinko with it, oh you silly barbarian.

 

Star Wars: The Empire Strikes BackLuke’s Hand scene. Everyone knew this one was going to be on the list, how could it not be? This scene made me gasp in the theater, one of those rare “OH SHIT” moments that gets you and takes you right into the scene. The later revels that his father was Vadar and that his hand / arm had also been cut off just iced the cake for nerdy boys and girls. Now that I think about it, how many hands did get cut off in the series?

 

 

Since Justin Lin had bailed on directing the Highlander reboot in favor of directing Fast Six, Juan Carlos Fresnadillo has taken over (though he’s sticking around to be an executive producer). Another reboot. Great.

The original starred Christopher Lambert and Sean Connery. The TV show starred Adrian Paul. This one? Who knows.

Working with Summit Entertainment and RCR Media Group, the Spanish director will begin production in 2012. The screenplay was written by Art Marcum and Matt Holloway with Melissa Rosenberg (of the Twilight saga) having looked it over.

For the list of producers working on the film, check out the official press release below.

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Sean Connery Sings About SH. . .

The people that brought us the magic of the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie musicals are back with a song from Sean Connery. Connery sets us all straight with a musical slap to the face about about life and pronunciation. Sean Connery was the coolest man in the world until that Dos Equis guy showed up. I still have them both at the top of my Thunderdome list. Two coolest men in the world enter, one coolest man leaves.

source: toplessrobot

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In case you all forgot, the best James Bond ever and by far coolest old man with an accent, Sean Connery has been retired from acting. He gave up on on acting after a having horrendous experience on the set of the 2003 comic book movie “The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen“. Having major spats with the director, Connery basically said “I’m too old for this shit” and hung up his thespian days for good.

To end a career on such a shitty movie seemed like an awful way to bow out for the legendary actor, but being in his late 70’s he can do whatever the hell he wants (maybe fuck a prom queen?).

Many suspected that he would step out of retirement and return as Indiana Jones dad in the long awaited fourth installment of Indiana Jones (Kingdom of Labeouf and The Swinging Monkeys). George Lucas even had Connery written in the script and assumed, based of their working relationship and Connery’s love of the character, he would do  the fans a solid and scream “Jr.” one last time. Despite constant nagging from Lucas, Connery refused the role (he obviously read the script). Long story short, George Lucas had to write him out of the movie.

While we all respect Sean Connery’s desire to stay retired (can’t believe he had the balls to say no to Lucas) we have all hoped he would come out and lend his Scottish accent and old man swagger for a film here or there (the world can only endure so many Connery impressions, we need the real thing).

Sigh. I guess beggars can’t be choosers because he has indeed come out of retirement. For what? A Scottish animated adventure. That’s what.

He has lent his voice for “Sir Billi“. Some crap animated movie about a skateboarding grandpa and his goat (voiced by Alan Cumming, so that’s a plus).

Really Connery? Your so adamant about never working in the movie business again and you go and do this bullshit? An old guy and his goat? What, did you lose a bet or something? Sigh. Again your old, you can do whatever you want, you’ve earned it. But can you just do us fans one favor and end your career/life with something epic? Like “Sean Connery, Dressed as James Bond, Fucks A Prom Queen, While Highlander Plays In the Background”. That be nice.

8 Saddest Sci/Fi Fantasy Film Moments

Every movie has a conflict point…Just like every rose has its thorn?….Never mind that. I find that even the saddest scenes in a hardcore drama can affect you sometimes worse than real life drama. For example, In “Boys Don’t Cry” (Not on this list), Tina Brandon is raped by her friends when they find out he is a girl. Terrifyingly brutal. Even after you left the the theater it resonated so deeply, years later, the tuning fork vibrations of silently thunderous realism hit home too closely to an uncomfortable level. THESE movies are the moments in SCI -FI /FANTASY films that made you sad. To say that real drama is dramatic just screams of an easy tear jerk. I’m talking when a NerdBastard type film can get you moving, get the eyes all welled up, THAT, my friends, is brilliant work.

Not to say that these films aren’t kinda terrible (Lets face it, alot of them are, and we love them REGARDLESS of poor quality), because, well, they are a little. If an Ewok can make you sad. This is the site for you, and just the list to get you thinking. (more…)

Sean Connery May Return To Indiana Jones 5

After the hugely disappointing Indiana Jones and the Raiders of The Temple of The Last Crystal Skull, we figured that even with it’s huge bank, Indy would hang up the whip for good just to save face. But I’m afraid he’s about to nuke the fridge…Again. And this time he won’t be selling out alone. Sources claim:

“Steven Spielberg has been working on a script with George Lucas and there is an element of the story that could see Sean returning. Anything is possible in these movies and if Sean wants to return he will become central to the new story.”

If Henry Jones comes back, after spending his WHOLE life searching for the grail, what now could possibly intrigue him out of retirement? I hope not aliens, and if so, he better have a pulse rifle attached to a flamethrower if he REALLY wants to sellout.

Can’t they please just leave my fond childhood memories alone…

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