Tacos

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We waited weeks. Waited for it to be declared the highest grossing R rated comicbook movie ever. We waited for Disney to release a furry fanfic bait movie to kick it out of the number one spot. We waited for ScotchBot to get is s#!t together and finally produce the damn thing. The wait it over. Our official 45 minute unofficial Deadpool episode is here! (more…)

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Surprise! It’s an all-new episode with your favorite podcast personalities that aren’t actually famous or Chris Hardwick. Since last we left our plump buddies, Jeremy has become a totally hairless karate master and Jason has watched Double Dragon and subsisted on beard leavings. Enough foreplay, here’s what you’re getting yourself into: (more…)

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Good morning and welcome to Wake Up BastardCast! This morning, we’re talking to soap opera actor Duncan Dour about love scenes and crying in prison. Also, Kitty and Skot monkey arang with primate expert Ellis Geren and resident medium Tammy O’Neil communicates with dead confederate soldiers who want to confess their atrocities for a shot out of limbo. (more…)

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This week on The Bastardcast, Jeremy and Jason talk about Grumpy Cat the cinema film, the chances that Dan Harmon will supplant Moses, the cost/benefit analysis of seeing a movie solely for Starbuck side-boob, and the uselessness of time capsules.

Also on the show: Fans call in to make Jeremy eat strange things he finds in his office, Jason juggles a set of flaming balls, and the fella’s both discuss the Xbox One and learn that lying is wrong.

Then, Jason uses up his remaining 20 seconds of Doctor Who rant time to talk about racism in the Whoverse… quickly, and in Trailergasm, the boys celebrate the Taco Time cross-promotion with Machete Kills and the death of innocence with Planes.

You require more sustenance? Fine, grab a straw and suck because we’ve got Whoopi Goldberg riding a dinosaur into the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise, concerns about a new race of sex crazed lady folk, the Kickstarter of Porn (Melissa Joan Hart, there is still hope for you!) and the guys loved Arrested Development and want to tell you all about it.

All that and the death of a beloved character for no reason at all on The Bastardcast!

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The Bastardcast, sprinkles make everything better!

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This week on The Bastardcast, Megan Fox bounces on a trampoline, Jeremy and Jason advance the theory that Jurassic Park 4‘s delay was caused by a raptor attack, and then they talk about your Mom when discussing the latest Dungeons and Dragons movie.

Also on the show: Rubber cocks replace carrier pigeons, Marvel bets on black (and also the awesome power of Danny Rand’s V-neck), the IT Crowd tries to turn itself back on again (I’m sorry), and the boys discuss why the term “shot for shot remake” might not be the best choice of words when discussing the new Crow movie.

Do you require more giggle flakes in your bowl? Fine. We’ve also got an ALL NEW Trailergasm, and this time, our two fat assholes are talking about casting Sandra Bullock out into the dark nethers of space, one last lick of cornetto, and a boy named Ender that they don’t care about.

Holy crap this is a full show!… is a thing that you could accurately put in that iTunes review that you’ve been meaning to write, because we’ve also got the (brief) return of Taco Talk 2-Nite in “Taco Talk 2-Nite 2: Taquería Exotica”, and Jason teaches us all a little something about love.

All of that, the Handicapped Cadillac Trumpet Detective, and more on this week’s episode of The Bastardcast!

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The Bastardcast: Taking you in a manly yet awkward way since 2012.

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This week on The Bastardcast, Jeremy and Jason get down with the sickness that is Kickstarter revivals, wrestler/actors, and their low budget/high concept version of what Jurassic Park 4 would look like.

You want more? You need it? Fine, we will be your podcast heroin — who want’s to talk about the Pope!?!?! Yeah you do, how about Ukrainian assassin dolphins? Oh, now we got your attention. Ready for the money shot? The Papal pop-shot if you will? How about this: The Pope riding on the back of a Ukrainian assassin dolphin to take on Steven Seagal?! BOOM! Don’t trip on your brain pieces that fell on the floor when we blew your mind with that thing we just said.

I can’t believe you want more show, I can’t believe how voracious your appetites are and the fact that I just used the word voracious in a way that is proper. Fine! We will give you more show! You insatiable pod-gobbler!

KEVIN SMITH EATING A SANDWICH, ASTRONAUT: THE MUSICAL, IRAN DOESN’T LIKE BEN AFFLECK‘S APPLES, AND SLY STALLONE WANTS YOUNG MEN… for Expendables 3.

All that, and a whole other podcast tacked onto the back of this one that will have hilarity ensuing all over your face and up in your business.

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The Bastardcast: Kickstartering a Perfect Strangers trilogy since 8 minutes ago.

Stallone Wants More Rambo, Less Mexicans.

As a great philosopher once said “what the world needs now, is love, sweet love”. Apparently Sylvester Stallone disagrees, he things we really need another Rambo movie. Sly did a career spanning interview with MacLeans Magazine  recently and revealed that he is not done with the troubled Vietnam veteran. When asked about bringing is other big character, Rocky, back in 2006’s Rocky Balboa he tagged the end of the answer with this.

“I’m dying to do another Rambo. He’s in Arizona on the border. It will involve him going into Mexico. I don’t think Rambo likes Mexicans.”

Um… what? Is that the plot idea? Rambo dislikes a country based on it being more south than the one he is in?

Let’s dive deeper into Sly’s mind to see if we can find the answer. He does talk about the duality of the two characters he’s best known for, Sly breaks down both Rock and Rambo for us.

“Rambo is me before coffee in the morning. Rocky is me after coffee. Rambo has reverted into kind of like an id: primitive, reactive and instinctual, almost like an animal. I love this character because he hasn’t quite been fleshed out. He’s like an errant knight, looking to die in a glorious fashion. He has no desire to go into old age or have a family. Rocky is the antithesis: he cannot live without family. So you’ve got the American Frankenstein monster, then you have the American Dream. In the book, Rambo gets killed. I thought it was not the proper message. There had been close to 200,000 suicides by returning Vietnam vets. I said, “Why don’t we take him right to the edge without annihilating him?” Quentin Tarantino said, “You’re a coward, you should have killed him!” I said, “Quentin, you’re a lunatic. I want to do some sequels, brother.””

So… where is the deep seeded hatred for the country that gave us tacos (the only truly prefect food) come from? Sadly the interviewer never pressed him for answers on that, however he did ask if this possible next Rambo flick would be the one where the shirtless kill machine meets the end he says the character was destined for.

MacLeans: So will you kill him off?

Sly: Yeah.

Hang on now, so after fighting small town American cops, Soviet and Vietnamese troops, the damn Russians again in Afghanistan, and then South East Asian rebels, he will finally meet his end in Mexico? Am I missing something here? The last time the USA was at odds with our friends south of the boarder it was the 19th century. Way to pick a topical conflict, Sly.

The whole article is really worth a read based purely on nostalgia. He makes references to some up coming projects (dismissive wank) and talks about his previous work (nostalgic wank). Before you ask, no, he makes no reference to Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot getting the sequel treatment, I assume he is just waiting for the right random ethnic group to attack in it.

 

 

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