The Amazing Spider-Man wasn’t made for me.
Really, it wasn’t made for anyone outside of a targeted age range of thirteen to twenty-two — a collective who were still spending their pre-adult years in school, be it junior high or a junior in college, upon the time of its release. Director Marc Webb’s reboot was for the folks who hadn’t already bore witness to a trilogy spanning a significant chunk of their academic career (Sam Raimi’s first Spider-Man came out during the summer between my junior and senior year in high school, with his Spider-Man 3 being released just after I had received my Bachelor’s Degree). This self-realization actually makes me feel quite lucky, as the big studio take on my favorite superhero was actually crafted so by a bona fide artist; a cinematic innovator who molded the property to fit into his established auteurist filmography while still revering the source material.
Unfortunately, this generation gets nothing more than a set of Spider-Man movies made by committee; cynical cash grabs whose plasticity is readily apparent from the very first frame. The first Amazing Spider-Man made a bundle of cash on teens desperately looking for something to have on in the background while they made out in a dark theater. Surprisingly, a certain section of comic book fans even seemed to dig it as well, praising the picture for “getting wise-cracking Spidey right”, as if that were enough to make up for the film’s glaring technical and narrative flaws.
So of course we got a sequel. But those looking to quietly canoodle or give this film the same easy pass they did with the first will probably have an even more difficult time excusing The Amazing Spider-Man 2, a product tailor-made to remind us that these “movies” will not end until the Apocalypse comes and wipes humanity from the planet. Because only then will there be no more Burberry wallets left to gouge; no more parents’ bank accounts remaining to plunder. Those post-credit tag sequences are simply precursors to our own eventual demise, for only then will this “story” be 100% finished.