The Human Centipede

“You sank my battleship… with your alien death ray!”

Yeah, I don’t quite remember it that way either, but in their infinite wisdom Universal Studios and Hasbro decided to make a Battleship movie with massive aliens that rise up from the sea. In the spirit of that “creative” leap, I and my co-conspiritor Jason Tabrys wrote the synopses, the tag-lines, the titles, and even cast these four “creative” movie and board game mashups that Hollywood needs to greenlight right now. Hell, Jeremy R! Hudson and Jason (but mostly him) even made up some fantastic posters for the films too, so all we need is a few hundred million dollars and we can make the best board game movie spin-off since Clue (you heard me).

Monopoly: Revenge of the Fallen

Synopsis: Max Marther (actor and comic book artist Shia LaBeouf) is an Occupy protester and an up and coming blogger for an underground activism website. His life is thrown through a loop though, when a major corporation buys the site and turns it into a LOLCat content farm, forcing Marther to embed himself in the world of finance, quickly climbing up the corporate ladder because of his unfathomable whiteness and his unearned swagger.

Soon, Marther can see the whole board and becomes a land baron with a pocketful of “Get out of Jail Free” cards and a plan to run the bank and drive all the other players toward bankruptcy. Will his plan succeed, or will he be seduced by the 1 percenter lifestyle, a high class call girl named Community Chest (introducing Random Lingerie Model in a breakthrough performance) with a secret, and Arthur Michael Manchester (Nic Cage), the current banker and a rogue utility company owner with troubling hair who inherited both Boardwalk and Park Place under curious circumstances from his late brother, Nathan (also Nic Cage)?

Coming in 2013, the money never sleeps and the game never ends in Monopoly: Revenge of the Fallen. (more…)

You’ve seen the teaser trailers, they didn’t show much. ( Australian Theatrical Trailer and the NFC Film Fest Teaser, via YouTube) Ready to see more? A lot more? The Full Trailer for The Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence is out and… yeah, it shows more. Maybe more than you are ready for.

Director Tom Six said it would be the sickest movie of all time, that it would make the first look like My Little Pony.

So, wanna see it? It’s after the jump.

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thc

What’s up bastards! Here we are with the first Tuesday for the month of October and it seems business is picking up as we got five movies that we either recommend as a BUY, RENT, or a PASS. Two of the movies are reboots in which one may be worth watching and the other can just burn for its existence (you’ll see what I did there). We also have another movie that may be worth your time, one that is just there, and another that has the concept of ass to mouth.

That’s not it folks as we have what may be the most STACKED list of Old Movies Are New. How stacked you ask? Well it’s a list of 31 releases and I’m sure there is something you wouldn’t mind upgrading the hi-def version of. We also got the TV Show DVD section that consist not only two Syfy shows but a Doctor Who animated feature. So what are you waiting for? Check what came out after the jump and see if there is something you want!

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