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Twilight

twilight_saga_breaking_dawn-HD

Every once in a while, a movie is released that is so well written, so well directed, so fundamentally GOOD that the film becomes more than just some scenes recorded on celluloid – they become the movies that remind us why we love movies in the first place.  Citizen Kane, The Wizard of Oz, The Godfather; these are just a few examples of movies that not only pleased generations of audiences but actually carved a place in American culture.  Now, in the 21st Century, where we have the technology to bring pretty much any aspect of our imagination to life, filmmakers are exploring ways to make the best movies possible and this movement is giving birth to a slew of films that will remain important throughout time.  Then, there’s Lionsgate who, for whatever reason, has decided to throw out any attempt at making a movie that matters and has now turned back to making more entries in a franchise that is…less than epic – The Twilight Saga.  That’s right. There are more of these movies on the way. (more…)

PattinsonCosmopolis

In news that is likely to leave fanboys with bad taste everywhere gnashing their teeth and yanking at their follicles, a Disney “insider” recently tipped The Daily Star that Robert Pattinson is at the top of a shortlist of actors being considered by the studio to potentially play a new version of Indiana Jones. While this tip seems somewhat suspect (the last report on Indy didn’t have him returning to the big screen for two or three more years and there still isn’t a script* or confirmed director), it’s still an interesting prospect that will work certain crowds up into a tizzy. (more…)

Lionsgate copy

I don’t usually talk box office numbers because, well, math is hard. The only reason I’m bringing up Lionsgate’s films second billion dollar year is to acknowledge how a good chunk of those earnings were accounted by franchises with female leads, and how it stands to reason that we might start seeing a floodgate of female hero movies.

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aka-Jessica-jones

Admittedly, I don’t know much about Jessica JonesMarvel Comics’  female superhero turned investigator. I have heard, however,  it’s a mature series featuring drug use and implied anal sex. With content like that, no wonder Netflix tagged and bagged it as one of their upcoming four, thirteen episode series (along with Daredevil, Luke Cage, and Iron Fist) inspired by Marvel.

The Netflix/Marvel deal screams awesome potential, but it all depends on talent and creatives involved. Fanboys got a questionable win when Cabin in the Woods writer/direct Drew Goddard was recently announced to take on Hell’s Kitchen “Man Without Fear” Daredevil. While the world waits on who’ll be spear-heading Luke Cake and Iron Fist, Jessica Jones just got her puppet master. (more…)

original

If you thought Chucky was the most terrifying doll in cinema, check out the animatronic horror so hideous it terrorized the cast of The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2, and had to be axed from the film.

It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity… or remorse… or fear. And it absolutely will not stop… (more…)

Stephen King

Stephen King is without a doubt one of the most important authors of the last 30 years, if only due to the virtue of having sold several million copies of his books. On the eve of the release of his latest tome, the semi-sequel to The Shining, Doctor Sleep, King is talking about other books with a pretty wide sphere of influence, particularly Twilight and The Hunger Games.

While doing an interview the newspaper, The Guardian, King shared his opinion on the so-called Twilight Saga:

“I agree with [a character in Doctor Sleep] who calls Twilight and books like it tweenager porn,” King said. “They’re really not about vampires and werewolves. They’re about how the love of a girl can turn a bad boy good.”

To be fair, I don’t think any of the characters in Twilight are bad necessarily, except for the ones who are obviously, and unrepentantly bad of course, but Twilight has got all kinds of problems aside from who’s good and who’s bad. But let’s pause here and see what King thinks of another big book franchise, The Hunger Games:

“I read Twilight and didn’t feel any urge to go on with her. I read The Hunger Games and didn’t feel an urge to go on. It’s not unlike The Running Man, which is about a game where people are actually killed and people are watching: a satire on reality TV,” he said.

Maybe King should be flattered. On the other hand King finds nothing redeemable, even comparisons to his own work, about Fifty Shades of Grey:

“I read Fifty Shades Of Grey and felt no urge to go on. They call it mommy porn, but it’s not really mommy porn. It is highly charged, sexually driven fiction for women who are, say, between 18 and 25.

In other words, King doesn’t think it’s such a great time for literature, specifically horror literature:

But a golden age of horror? I wouldn’t say it is. I can’t think of any books right now that would be comparable to The Exorcist.”

But there’s got to be something he likes, right? Actually there is, King, as it turns out, is a big appreciator of J.K. Rowling’s recent work:

“She’s a wonderful storyteller and the writing is better than in any of the Harry Potter books, because it’s sharper,” King said.

So I guess it’s not all doom and gloom in the book world, although I’d say that King should be careful with his criticism. Twilight may have been badly written from beginning to end, but I haven’t read a King book yet where he didn’t fumble the ball in the end zone. But maybe that’s just me.

Doctor Sleep is available in book stores tomorrow.

Source: Blastr

kristen-stewart

According to the readers of British Dude Stuff site, Menkind, K-Stew is the absolute LEAST attractive actress in all of Tinsel Town.

Now, I don’t have very many positive things to say about Kristen Stewart–and even fewer about Twilight (Fun Thought: Imagine if Kristen Stewart and Hayden Christiansen had kids–they’d be the blandest children ever born).

But REALLY?

Oh, I’m not questioning anyone’s aesthetic judgment: There’s no accounting for taste, particularly where physical beauty is concerned, but have we really sunk to the point where we’re ranking female celebs by how UN-attractive we think they are?

Makes me pine for the days when the denizens of the Interwebs were content with just making “Hottest Babes” lists–now we feel the need to let the world know what celebs we WOULDN’T bang?

If we must be shallow and superficial, is it too much to ask that we at least be POSITIVE about it?

To satisfy your morbid curiousity, these are the women that Ms. Stewart defeated to claim her crown as least doable actress in the UK:

2. Sarah Jessica Parker

3. Lindsay Lohan

4. Denise Richards

5. Kirsten Dunst

6. Mischa Barton

7. Hilary Swank

8. Lucy Liu

9. Tilda Swinton

10. Uma Thurman

Like I said: No accounting for taste.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to write an official apology on behalf of my entire gender.

Source: Blastr

Beautiful-Bastard-Book-Cover

I admit I was unaware that Fifty Shades of Grey had scored a movie deal, mostly because I devote a good deal of mental energy towards forgetting that I live in the same universe as that “book”.

But if I HAD known (after my initial weeping for the fate of the human race had subsided) I would have written it off as a one-time thing–an anomaly ….a horrible glitch within our otherwise sane and just reality. Surely a novel based on mother fracking Twilight erotic fanfic scoring a film deal is the kind of thing that couldn’t POSSIBLY happen twice in my lifetime, right?

Right?

Wrong. Now, yet another steaming piece of… literature that had its genesis as fap material for folks who get their jollies from sparkly blood drinkers will be adapted into a feature film: Beautiful Bastard by Christina Lauren (who is actually two people: Christina and Lauren….clever, huh?).

Usually I wouldn’t spew such venomous hatred at a book I’ve admittedly never read–but I have to make an exception here. Even writers of “good” fanfiction realize that it’s not fit for publication, and NOT because of the sexual content, but because even relatively competent erotic fanfic is pretty lame.

The rights to this atrocity were purchased by Constantin Films and Jeremy Bolt (producer of Resident Evil… There is no God).

No one knows when this Thing That Should Not Be will inflict itself upon us, but production probably won’t start until the studio sees how much scratch Fifty Shades of Suck pulls in.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for a good, long cry.

Every day the internet produces an astounding amount of goodies and gems. Most hilarious, some amusing, but all worth at least a few seconds of your time. We here at Nerd Bastards try to bring you the best bits of news and nerdery the webz has to offer, with a bit of snark thrown in. But sometimes not everything makes the cut. Monday through Friday we’ll be bringing you our inbox leftovers, our forgotten bookmarks, the nerdy bits that simply slipped through the cracks. You can submit items to Nerdy Bits by emailing us at nerdybits@nerdbastards.com.

ABOVEGina B. makes a fine Velma from Scooby Doo, though I’m thinking the next mystery they need to solve is what happened to her skirt. Or not. [CBM]

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