In a parallel universe, there are awesome geeky movies that you’d kill, or at least maim, to watch. Sadly, we live in this universe where these films never got made. But if you somehow get your hands on these screenplays you’ll at least be able to get a sense of what we’re missing. Here in no particular order, are the top 10 must reads for any serious movie dork.
I grew up watching Voltron in the 80′s and loved the shit out of it. 5 five space explorers who pilot robotic lions that combine to form Voltron, an invincible guardian sworn to defend the Universe. What’s not to love? Hehe, oh man…I’m getting all nostalgic replaying the theme opener in my head. Anyway, a live-action Voltron flick has been rumored for years. It will eventually happen and it will undoubtedly suck, no 80’s gold has been served well in the Noughties ( 00’s). However, fan-films are always there to save the day. And here’s a nifty Voltron short film created by YouTube user alexalbrecht00 called Voltron: The End.
Unfortunately, there is no action, nor shots of Voltron in full. It’s just 3 minutes of the dude who plays Detective Lassiter on Psych (Luke FACT: Psych is in my top 5 fav. shows.) regaining consciousness in a Voltron battle lion after an “accident”. He has to decide does he live a few more minutes or try to tell the world what happened… the end is only the beginning. Something like that.
Uh… is it me or did Lassie say “what whores lay ahead?”
There was more drama in this clip than in the last two Transformers films. As someone growing up with Voltron, this was a satisfying cocktease of what could be.
Every week the internet produces an astounding amount of goodies and gems. Most hilarious, some amusing, but all worth at least a few seconds of your time. We here at Nerd Bastards try to bring you the best bits of news and nerdery the webz has to offer, with a bit of snark thrown in. But sometimes not everything makes the cut.
On Mondays we’ll be bringing you our inbox leftovers, our forgotten bookmarks, the nerdy bits that simply slipped through the cracks. You can submit items to Nerdy Bits by emailing us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
This week’s edition: Meowtron, Defender of the Universe, Wall-E in real life, It’s A Potato!, This cake is not a lie, Forty Fords, The Apple Tree, Be an Optimist Prime, Dragonball Homer, Game of Thronies, The adorable secret inside R2-D2, Duct tape Princess Leia, Hand Bat-signal, Optimus Prime in watermelon, Death Star dress, Harry Potter is metal, Conan O’Brian shares slashy fanart with Tom Felton, Koopa Paratroopa in real life (kinda), Batman is the solution, Sexy Stormtrooper girl, Mario Warfare, Flaming LEGO dragon, Epic Jedi street gang fight, 8-bit Assassin’s Creed, Game of Thrones season two set photos, Chuck Norris riding an AT-AT, The best video resume…ever, Zachary Levi would choose Wonder Woman, Batman is metal, Cats discuss Doctor Who cosplay, Lightsaber Popsicle cozies, Alien motorbike, French Star Wars theme, Harry Potter as a teen comedy
Sometimes, you just have to say, “Thank you internets for your unhealthy obsession with cats.” (Neatorama)
(Special thanks to Nerd Bastard contributor Veronique Medrano for dropping a deuce on this revived Voltron series. Is nothing from the 80’s sacred?)
Nicktoons has released the first promo trailer for its new series titled Voltron Force which will be released June 16. The intro is nice, and some of the graphics are eye-catching, but what the graphics do not make up for the poor quality of the promo as whole. Those of you interested in what the heck Voltron Force is well it’s as follows: the show is made of 26 episodes that follow five space explorers who pilot robotic lions that combine to form Voltron. This robotic giant is sworn to defend the Universe, and it is stated that the show will remain faithful to the old one while introducing new original characters.
But to be brutally honest, Nicktoons obviously wasted too much money on the promos graphics, and splattered it all over like a stream of vomit from the Exorcist. After watching well produced shows like Avatar, Jimmy Neutron, The Fairly Oddparents, Spongebob Squarepants, and many other Nicktoons productions this seems to fall way short from the quality mark. The mixing of animation styles between the robots and the human is atrocious, and by putting quick clips that flash for a couple seconds TWICE seems really damn annoying and doesn’t help develop interest in the show. To make matters worse they have an incredibly horrendous Voltron Rap called Let’s Voltron on their official site. Warning to anyone interested in seeing or hearing this song may have the urge to gag! The video for the song has a Grandma randomly bopping down the street to this song…puhlease! Mine would find that music annoying real quick.
This show ultimately gets a pre-rating of: Watch at your own risk!
Does anyone even want a movie based on Voltron, the early 80’s animated series about 5 robot lions that unite to form a giant space warrior? Especially given that expectation VS. reality hardly ever match up when Hollywood’s involved. You know as with any cartoon property proposed for live-action treatment, that it’s destined to have a farce of a story, crappy acting, be set in America, feature 1 or more bimbo whore in some unnecessary sexy slo-mo scene, have a bunch of explosions and be directed by either Michael Bay or Stephen Sommers. That’s the fate of every beloved child hood cartoon. Voltron and other 80’s animated shows will never be a James Cameron or Christopher Nolan joint. Accept that and more on.
Fore those of you who are clinging on to some remaining bit of false hop, here’s the latest update on Voltron. While our defender of the universe is off fighting some galactic asshole in space, Vulture hears that a bidding war has broken out to finance a Transformers-size blockbuster retelling of the legend of the iconic robotic lions and their human pilots; Ryan Kavanaugh’s deep-pocketed Relativity Media is one of the very interested parties trying to sell itself to World Events Productions, the St. Louis–based company behind the original show.
Voltron has had a hard time making it to the big screen. A film by Mark Gordon (League of Extraordinary Gentlemen), with a script by Enzo Marra, was in the works. Marra’s script was described as “a post-apocalyptic tale set in New York City… [in which] five ragtag survivors of an alien attack band together and end up piloting the five lion-shaped robots that combine and form the massive sword-wielding Voltron that helps battle Earth’s invaders.” A property rights battle between World Events Production Company, and Toei Company Ltd. halted it. Meanwhile, Atlas Entertainment producers Charles Roven (The Dark Knight Rises) and Richard Suckle had been developing a script with screenwriters Thomas Donnelly and Joshua Oppenheimer (who wrote the upcoming Conan the Barbarian reboot), and concept art had leaked last fall. Although, no updates from them beyond concept art have lead fans to believe the project was in turnaround.
In it all, Relativity Media has been the one point of interest and they’re circling the property again, in hopes their big money will win over World Events Production. At any rate, the interest from Relativity is a good sign that this movie could happen.
No word on when it will be brought to the screen, though 2013 seems to be the target date. Can I go back to fapping now?
With the power of 80’s nostalgia by it’s side, not to mention the power of THQ, Voltron will be coming in the form of a video game according to Variety. The franchise originally known to some as Goraion(5 Lions) tugged at the heartstrings of many children, qhowatched as a giant robot tore various monsters a new lion hole. Rebooted for a spring 2011 release as Voltron Force what a better time to start milking this cash cow then right now. Getting to punch creatures with a hand shaped like a lion’s head, sign me up!
You stuck your tail where?
The mechanical space lions forming Voltron will be part of a “series” of video games, aiming to revitalize the franchise along with new animated TV show, slated to air on Nickelodeon this spring. There is no word yet on a developer, platform or release date it could just mean their blowing exhaust fumes out the ass. Variety says to expect giant robot lions later this fall, but rushing into a game with 7 months of production really isn’t a good idea. Good games take nearly a year to develop just in pre-production alone, if this were to tank then all your gonna be buying is a $60 scooper for the litter box.
Saturday morning, a bowl of half eaten Captain Crunch cereal, Spiderman footy pajamas, watching cartoons. Those were the days. Well . . . really that was last weekend. HEY! As long as they keep making Spiderman footy pajamas in my size I’ll keep wearing them. So the big thing in Hollywood these days is to dig through our past to find small nuggets of goodness to reproduce/repackage/reboot today. Name recognition in the market is king these days. If something has fans and at least everybody has some idea what that thing is, then you don’t have to spend as much to market it.
I figure if Hollywood is gonna reboot everything from the past before they take a chance on something new, than I could at least help them out with a list of some cartoons that I think are ready for a reboot.
Robert Burden, the mind behind the He-Man Battle Cat piece as well as the Voltron is back with his Birth of a Jedi. Working the 10 foot canvas, the artist stop motioned his work over the course of 7 months. They say that every man should have a talent in his hands, and saying that about Mr. Burden isn’t compliment enough. After all the time spent with his painting, you get a close up view of all the figures he used as his painting models, which gives an even cooler geek quality, showing us that he used figures as his models. In a world of CG and computer art, its a wonder to behold the oil painting on canvas is still relevant, and extremely beautiful.
To check more of Robert Burdens epic nerd out head on over to his website gallery and store robertburden.net. Yes. I said store. You can actually buy a print of “The Birth of a Jedi” and many others. They sell at $400.00 a pop (yikes!).
Did anyone even like Voltron when it started using the Dairugger XV scenes? You know, the vehicle version of Voltron? Yea, I didn’t think so. Well, for years there has been talks for a Voltron movie and now we learned that the project is dead. The project had writer Justin Marks (Street Fighter: Legend of Chun-Li) and Max Malowski, who pretty much have TV Directorial experience.
Just like it was announced a few months ago, WB will be doing a new 26 episode cartoon series of Voltron. The show will air on Nicktoons and be titled Voltron Force, instead of the Voltron: Panthera Force and we’ll see the original pilots fighting alongside with new character to face the forces of evil. Of course, there will be a new toy line from Mattel to coincide with the cartoon series. Expect the show to air sometime in 2011.
Well, does the news of no movie make some of ya’ll happy seeing how the most movies based on our childhood hasn’t really been good. Also, does the news of a new cartoon do anything for ya? Tell us what ya think.