Why

Damn it. I thought this was dead. In Hasbro’s quest to make every property they have ever had their grubby little paws on into a live action movie, I thought Stretch Armstrong was allowed to quietly drop and die.

Apparently Universal Pictures is out at least, since the toy manufacture announced that they are teaming up with Relativity Media for the project. Relativity’s CEO Ryan Kavanaugh will produce along with Hasbro’s Brian Goldner  and Bennett Schneir. The film has set a laughably ambitious release date of April 11th, 2014.

Relativity’s Co-President, Tucker Tooley had this to say:

“We are absolutely thrilled to partner with Hasbro, a company whose global reach and ability to innovate has made them immensely successful in the arena of brand re-imagination– as evidenced by their legacy of creating such franchises as TRANSFORMERS and G.I. JOE, We look forward to bringing Stretch Armstrong to audiences worldwide.”

“Stretch Armstrong is a great example of Hasbro’s rich portfolio of intellectual properties that we are continuing to develop globally, we are excited to partner with Relativity on this movie as they are a growing and innovative studio.”

I guess with Hasbro properties like the Transformers and G.I. Joe franchises making billions, and the upcoming Battleship, Monopoly and who knows what else movies in the pipe, they want to keep this money train going. Why a stretchy superhero you ask? All your answers are in the following video.

Who wouldn’t bank on that making millions?

Source: Coming Soon

The Conan the Barbarian remake rounded up a mere $10 million in box office receipts over its opening weekend. The film, which cost $90 million to produce and debuted on some 3,000 screens, is a flop by any measure. Now, one of the four writers credited with penning the script bemoans the taste of failure.

Sean Hood gives a lengthy and brutally honest account of what it was like to contribute to the Conan the Barbarian script, only for it to fail at the box office and be attacked by critics…

Here is Sean’s statement via Quora:

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According to Deadline, The King of Kong and Horrible Bosses director Seth Gordon is set to direct the MGM remake of War Games. Are we surprised that MGM is, yet again, basically subsisting on remakes alone? Not really.

The original War Games was released in 1983, and was a huge deal at the time because the concept of hacking wasn’t as prevalent as it is today, and the level of technological sophistication was definitely far below what we have now (yo wuts an iPad? is it an elecktronick tampon or sumthin?). Matthew Broderick and Ally Sheedy played some nerdy kids who hacked into a military program, thinking they’re just fucking around and playing games, until it turns out that this shit is real and they could legitimately start WWIII by blowing up the Russians.

In terms of computer games, kids were playing Pong back then; the level of sophistication with vidgames and the Internet in the digital age opens a wealth of possibilities, and Gordon will be given a wide berth to create a new take on the tale.

It’s too early in the game to report any casting decisions, or even to name a screenwriter. But whether or not this reboot is necessary, it’ll be interesting to see how they decide to approach this concept with all of the technological innovations now available to them since the ’80s. And as for whether or not it’ll be any good… Yeah, we’ll see.

Source: Deadline

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There’s a long list of things that I couldn’t care less about (nope, not even if you strapped a gold plated Darth Vader and a flaming fetus *ha!* to them). One of them is this horrible idea of making the game Roller Coaster Tycoon into a movie. A Couple of weeks ago the internet world caught wind of the fact that Sony has purchased the rights to turn this multi-billion (not a typo) dollar franchise into a movie. Sony, take a moment to realize you have reached the point where you have far too much money and free time, you’re 6  months away from pulling a Goldmember and shmelting your shlong in 24kt gold.  Well after NerdBastards reported on this news they main question (after “Why?”) was “What the hell is this going to be about?” Now we know! For all 3 of you interested here’s what Sony has to say…

Well we had a pitch, a story — it’s basically a theme park comes to life. We had a story woven into the theme park of the Rollercoaster Tycoon, and that’s what we sold to Sony, and that’s what we’re hoping to make into a movie.” Zwart said the pitch is inspired by the fantasy everyone has as a kid, to be left alone in the theme park to roam freely. “Just the idea of taking a ride like in Disneyland and the rides suddenly come to life, [or] you’re able to step off and stay behind when everybody else had gone.

Thanks Sony, but no thanks. I have more important things to spend my money on i.e.illegal substances, movies about people being sewn ass to mouth and condoms.  Maybe next time.

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