There are certain works in the history of cinema that are just insane; pictures that probably shouldn’t exist except for the fact that their creators birthed them through sheer will alone. Duke Mitchell’s Gone With the Pope comes to mind — a hodgepodge of ‘holy fucking shit’ that could’ve only come from the singular vision of one whacked out individual (and delivered to us via the hard work of one Academy Award winning editor). These are movies whose viewers are part of an elite club once they’ve sought them out, as the works never formally made their way to home video. It’s a rarity in the age of all-access digital media that any picture is relegated solely to celluloid, but they certainly still exist; “cult films” in the truest sense. Now another movie can be added to this exclusive list: Craig Denney’s 1975 work of wanton megalomania, The Astrologer. As Nicolas Winding Refn put it in his introduction to the film at this year’s Fantastic Fest: “it’s a movie that pushes ‘auteurism’ to a whole other level.” (more…)
To celebrate the 50th Anniversary of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Penguin made a bizarre decision to create a new cover for the Roald Dahl work.
There’s no Charlie. No Willy Wonka. And there’s nothing there to even suggest a chocolate factory. Instead… a picture of a steely-eyed blond girl? (more…)
Halloween is supposed to be scary but a new batch of Guardians of the Galaxy costumes being prepped for October are beyond frightening. They are…disturbing. There’s something about the eyes in these photos. Something human and sad and enslaved. Just look at the picture above. But don’t look too long, otherwise you may lose your soul to that…thing claiming to be Groot.
But there’s more. Oh, there is much more. Over here, in the dark. (more…)
Fans are like protective parents sitting at their daughter’s wedding reception; happy to see their child going off on a new adventure, but in a well hidden corner of their minds they’re always secretly convinced that their kid just won’t be as protected and as loved by this new person. They were ours before they were theirs. We will always have that attachment, and so when that day comes that this new person wants to take our kids away, it hits us hard.
I am not allowed to watch Father of the Bride 2 while writing an article ever again. (more…)
Right now, we are caught in that lackadaisical time between Christmas and New Years Eve — December’s perineum, if you will — and during that time we are duty bound to justify our existence and mine for web traffic by pausing for a moment of reflection on the year that was. And so, this year as a direct result of that mandatory reflective period, we have complied the most important listicle of the year — a listicle about listicles that also features its own lists! It’s Listageddon! It’s Listapalooza!
Oh yes, this list of lists with other lists has every list your pig eyes could ever want to see in a list! Movie lists, meme lists, dildo lists, knit lists, Alan Thicke lists, a podcast list, and a pie list that will buckle your knees! Yes, it’s a veritable cheese wheel of pop culture and a bunch of other nerdy geeky dorkaliscious dweeberific nerdgasmy geekilingus dogshit for you to sift through while you sit on a toilet, play fantasy soccer, or do whatever it is that you do while reading these articles. List!
Warning: Clutch your pearls, there’s some adult material and a fuck-ton of cursing in this article.
When you think of Tarzan, you naturally think of aliens, right? No… you don’t? “There ain’t no martians in Tarzan” you say? Well you’re right, I checked. Edgar Rice Burroughs’ classic tale of a boy raised by apes never featured any other worldly elements – well other than the fact that Tarzan was always mysteriously clean shaven. You’d think living in the jungle he’d have some big ol’ “Duck Dynasty” style beard. But I digress…
So if monsters from outer space are absent from Tarzan, then why the fuck is this upcoming CGI project featuring alien tech as its big plot twist? Check out the trailer below and be baffled just like the rest of us.
If you thought Chucky was the most terrifying doll in cinema, check out the animatronic horror so hideous it terrorized the cast of The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2, and had to be axed from the film.
It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity… or remorse… or fear. And it absolutely will not stop… (more…)
Remember Lineage? Back in the day (1998) it was a pretty popular game, until the US servers were shut down in 2011, but in South Korea, the game is still going strong. Recently a 64-year-old woman, sued NCsoft over the loss of a super rare item. How did it all turn out? (more…)
The school playground can be a magical place to get away from the rigors of school work for a few minutes of fun. Some time to play with your best buds that might not live close enough to visit outside school. There’s always plenty to do, swings, that 200 degree metal slide with sharp edges, and if your lucky, there’s one of those merry go rounds to sling you off into the wood chips.
Then something happens, and someone in charge has a thought to quickly fix it by banning what they see as the problem, and that thought becomes action, without any consideration about the learning opportunity this situation presents for the children and their parents. Just ban it, stamp it out, never mind that you’re trampling the child’s imagination and social skills at the same time.
Let’s not even get started about “Zero Tolerance” policies and their effects, it’s obviously too hard to handle cases on a one on one basis in this litigious society we live in.
My real issue with this is why not TEACH the kids to play superheroes using their imaginations without the added actually physical violence? Isn’t that a social skill worth teaching at an early age? Just banning the activity gives it a certain titillation factor that doing something you are not supposed to brings. Those rebellious kids will only increase that part of the activity.
It doesn’t matter where this school is, the facts are that this is every school, banning something instead of teaching about it and turning it into something positive.
What do you think? I’m sure you’ve got an opinion, click down to the comments section and let us know.
This week on The Bastardcast: Jason and Jeremy return from their tour of Yo Momma to talk about the big drama surrounding a little bit of peen in Saga #12, a Game of Thrones fan’s Craigslist enabled sexy time fantasy, and world renowned sugar-tit enthusiast Mel Gibson’s possible directorial return for The Expendables vs. The Macabees: A Time Travel Adventure, aka Expendables 3.
Also on the show: Would you have sex with a robot? 9% of you would according to a new poll and apparently 50% of our adventurous hosts would as well. So, yeah, we’ll be dedicating some time to discuss Cylon banging.
We’ll also tackle the sale Shatner’s phaser, the return of Carrie Kelley to Batman comics, the departure of Microsoft’s former creative director and chief gamer pisser off-er, the sacrificial lamb that is Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Warner Bros. big DC movie plans, TV’s favorite couple (TEAM KADEEM!), and Jeremy and Jason try to figure out why Jodie Foster is rocking a smart pantsuit 140 years into the future in the somewhat District 9-y Elysium trailer.
All that and a lyrical ode to Axel Rose’ bulge on… The Bastardcast.
The Bastardcast: Nucking Futs and horrendously bad at spelling.