Yes, in case you were wondering this is a picture of me on a typical Saturday when I was ten. I know I ruled, even then. Anyway, where were we, oh yeah…

Whatever your fancy when it comes to slashing, monsters, gore, and fucked up imagery there comes a time in every horror movie where the last remaining character must face off against the evil force that has massacred the rest of the cast.  God knows, the list is staggering, but most if not all modern day horror movie survivors must praise and thank these top 5.  Not only for knowing how to kick ass and take names, but they also helped create the cliche’s that every other horror movie after them has lovingly adapted to get some of their cast out of harms way. Here is the top 5 awesome characters that managed to escape their impending doom.


Oh The Exorcist, how I love you.  It made people puke in the theater for fuck’s sake! You can’t argue with that! Regan gets done fucked up in this movie. By the end of the movie she has been bent backwards, fucked by a crucifix, all cut up, head twisted, puked pea soup. No one can survive that shit! After the demon finally leaves her all she has is a few bruises. This chick is fucking hardcore and she was only a little girl!


“We’re going to need a bigger boat.” Jaws is in my opinion one of the best adventure movies of our time. It has it all, comedy, drama, action, and blood and gore all in one. This movie gave people a phobia of swimming in the ocean. To this day, I don’t go in past my shins, call me a pussy I don’t care, when Jaws is eating your legs off you won’t be laughing will ya? Brody is the Fucking man in this movie. Not too many people can fuck up a giant shark and make it look so easy, but he does. When that shark gets blown up into fiery chunks of flesh it still makes me cheer. Honorable mention is Hooper rising to the surface when you were sure he was hanging out with Jack Sparrow in Davy Jones Locker.nightmare-on-elm-street-car-small

Nancy. She was the first to pull off the “Pull Freddy out of the Dream move.” that was pretty much recycled for the rest of the series.  She outsmarted Freddy Fucking Kreuger and her and her pops fuck him up big time . She also got points for ending up with the sexy Rogue style white stripe of hair. Okay, so she does end up pushing daisys, but that didn’t stop her from coming back in Wes Cravens “New Nightmare,” now did it? She’s the only victim that just wouldn’t stay dead.


Tommy Jarvis the little budding gore hound of Friday the 13th part IV. How many young adults and strong full grown men has Mr. Vorhees, stabbed, smashed, harpooned, axed, burned, and squeezed the eye balls out of? Too many to even begin counting. This little turd with short shorts, a popped collar and a cancer patient hair cut lays wasted to Jason with more rage than any horror movie survivor ever has or ever will.  As if Jason didn’t have enough problems getting chicks with his busted up grill Tommy goes to town on Jason’s face with his own machete. This little kid took Jason’s machete and raped him with it period. This is why this little dude rules! Side note, when he returns as an adult in part 5 he knows karate and beats on a fat hillbilly like Stephen Segal. Beat that I dare you.


I’ll admit it Alien still fucking scares me.  Ellen Ripley was sexy in a cute sort of way and really wouldn’t be considered a bad ass.  That is until an acid bleeding baddie ends up on her ship.  The thing I love most about Ripley is how drastically her character changes from beginning to end. She goes from normal every women to Alien annihilator and it seems totally believable.  Then to watch her grow through the sequels it just reinforced her as the most bad ass chick in horror history!

Debate if you must, but you cant deny the importance of these characters and why they paved the way for horror survivors everywhere!

Category: Film, Nerd Culture

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