Why are we here today? Well to acknowledge and celebrate televisions greatest cartoon ducks, that’s why. Seriously, no great cartoon is without a good duck. We judge a mallard not by cuteness but by contents of their character. So let us get on with then. Here are the 9 Ducks That’ll Make You Quack For More. Lets get ducky!


#9 Psyduck– we all know him from Pokeman and yes, we all love him. He is by far one of the best Pokeman ever created. After all, his vacant look and appearance of stupidity makes us chuckle inside and makes us wonder if that is what we look like after a night of playing video games. His dumbfounded appearance is meant to trick his enemies into thinking he is weak (according to the Pokedex of course!). He is constantly plagued by a headache and therefore waddles around holding his head. But once that headache goes from bad to horrendous, Psyduck is able to use his psychic powers. Or just use his claws to scratch the shit out of his enemy.

Mighty Ducks

#8 The Mighty Ducks– the cartoon characters of course! It ran in the fall of 1996. Basically it was about a planet called Puckworld that was inhabited by humanoid ducks whose favorite past time was playing ice hockey (You don’t say?). The planet is taken over by Dragaunus. Canard goes off into the hills and finds the mask of Drake DuCaine (a legend). Canard ensembles a group of friends: Wildwing, Nosedive, Tanya, Duke, Mallory, and Grin, to fight  the douchey Dragaunus.

Sure the ducks were standard-issue superheroes and the show itself was a bit too light-hearted and not really too layered but it’s hocky playing mallards folks. It sells itself.

Scrooge McDuck

#7 Scrooge McDuck– aka Uncle Scrooge ala Ducktales. Only the richest duck in the entire world who only does what any other rich person would do…try to expand his wealth constantly; while trying to keep it safe from a bunch of no-do-gooders like the Beagle Boys. He got his rich by being “smarter then the smarties, and tougher then the toughies.” With the help of his nephews Huey, Dewey and Louie he is always able to protect his money.

Scrooge McDuck was a laughable, outlandish, over the top business man. He started out as a greedy, self centered, typical scrooge but learned that there’s more to life than money, family.  Plus his Scottish accent was so damn classy. And who can say they haven’t emulated ole’ Scrooge by trying to swim in a pile their allowance money? Sadly, the majority of us only had enough pennies and dimes to reenact a fish out of water. Perhaps if we “work smarter not harder” we too will have mountain of money to frolic in.


#6 Wade– from Garfield and Friends. He lives on Orson’s Farm and his best friend just happens to be Orson, the pig. He has a wonderful sense of style, always wearing his pink inflatable tube. Which of course has a head on it that copies his every move and appearance. He has way too many phobias to name and once he gets scared, which is almost always, he starts to speak in tongues and no one can understand him. After Garfield was over and his qoute “friends” came on, Wade was the only reason worth watching.

Darkwing Duck

#5 Darkwing Duck– aka alter ego Drake Mallard. It was the first spin-off of Ducktales and the show ran from 1991-1995 and 1996-1997. Helping Darkwing Duck was his trusty sidekick Launchpad. Drake lived with his adoptive daughter, Gosalyn and was best know for his phrases “Let’s get dangerous!” and “I am the terror that flaps in the night!”

We’ve heard of superheros who fight truth, justice and all that good stuff. We’ve heard of super heroes that fight because of some life-changing trauma at the hand of a criminal. But a superhero that gets his kicks because of an ego streak? How can you not love a character that tries so desperatly hard to compensate for his lack of actual superpowers? A vainglorious vigilante who constantly provides his own narration, what more do you need?

Count Duckula

#4 Count Duckula– British TV series from way back when, September 1988. It was a spin-off of Dangermouse. A vegetarian duck who comes from a long lineage of nasty vampires who are resurrected every 100 years by using an ancient incantation and a bottle of blood. Sadly, there is a slight mishap with this particular ceremony and instead of a bloodthirsty creature from the deep, we get a egotistical music-loving weakling who enjoys nothing better than munching on piece of celery. Together with his stupid but tough nanny and his shady butler Igor, he lives in a dark castle on a mountain in Transylvania called appropriately enough ‘Castle Duckula’ from where he can teleport around the world by simply entering a magic crypt.

Count Duckula will be remembered for his enjoyable, terrible puns, delivered in a hilarious, understated british manner.


#3 Duckman– aka Eric Tiberius Duckman.  best known for his catch phrases, “What the hell are you staring at?” and “Hommina hommina how wah!” Duckman is about a sexually repressed duck who takes his time by staring at “jugs” and working as a private dick, to pay his alimony payments. Where upon he is met by the porky friend Cornfed who though in his meger existence adds to the plot through his fast witted humor and actually shows some kind of loyalty to Duckman. While Duckman isn’t being a Private Dick he is a family man to his farce of a family. A bitchy, workout obsessed sister in law, a dim witted eldest son, another pair of sons who happen to be Siamese twins and a comatose farting grandmother .

Snarmy, cynical, deranged, rude, perverted and an out right fool you can’t help but love Duckman because he reminds you a little of yourself.

Daffy Duck

#2 Daffy Duck– aka Daffy Dumas Duck. He was part of Warner Bros Looney Toons and Merrie Melodies. He 1st appeared on April 17, 1937. Though never achieving the success of Warner Bros. staple character, Bugs Bunny, Daffy was the better character. That bunny was an arrogant prick. While Daffy made a connection with people for his self-analytical, competive, peevish, paranoid, neurotic and greedy nature.  If you think about it, Daffy is Warner Bros. critique on human nature.  We are glory seeking creatures that work tirelessy and are jealous of those that acheive success without even trying. We try and fail. Daffy may have been the victim of many misfortunes and failed at life but this looney toon suceeded at capturing our hearts.

Donald Duck

#1 Donald Duck-. There are ducks and there is Donald and Daffy Duck. Donald, as we all know,  is the better duck. He was born June 9, 1934 and is an iconic Disney character to this day. The venerable duck is known for such classic phrases as “Oh boy, Oh boy, Oh boy”, “What’s the big idea?” and “Aw Phooey!”. Though generally happy, with a postive outlook on life Donald has a temper about as short as his pants.  It’s still remains a mystery as to why Donald proudly goes commando but yet will where a towel after taking a shower/bath??? Donald has a rich and colorful history. He rose to success in the early forties with academy award winning film “Der Fuehrer’s Face” (1943) a anti nazi progander film. Other notable shorts from this period include several Army shorts that follow Donalds life in the US Army.

Post war Donald is the duck most of us know and love. When Donald wasn’t being the brunt of other character pestering , most notably by Chip n’ Dale, he was the star in educational films such as “Donald in MathMagic  Land” and “How to Have an Accident at Work” (both 1959). He later would make several appearances in other Disney projects such as “Mickey’s Christmas Carol”. Speaking of Mickey, the rivalry between Duck and Mouse is the stuff of legends. While Mickey was whoring himself out like some cheap $5 hooker Donald was working hard to earn his rightful place in the spotlight. House of Mouse my ass, more like House of Duck if you ask me. Donald could have well been Disney’s leading mascot had this little audio sex tap not surfaced:

Jeeze, can’t a duck get a blow job with out some bitch hiding a recorder and selling the audio to the highest bidder? Despite this little blemish in Donalds respectable history he is for all accounts an American hero. “Who’s got the sweetest disposition, One guess, guess who? Who never never starts an argument, Who never shows a bit of temperament, Who’s never wrong, but always right, Who’d never dream of starting a fight, Who gets stuck with all the bad luck, No one! but Donald Duck that’s who.

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