smith2Where to Stick the Fork?

UPDATE:  Nerdbastards awoke a sleeping giant. After posting this article, our friends from, checked the legitimacy of this story with the fat man himself.  In a slasfilm exclusive, not only did Smith confirm his end to film making, but he spent a fair amount time bitchin Nerd Bastards out. He wasn’t too happy at us making a story out of his retirement, which he insists was known info. Basically, he called us out for headline fishing. He said:

But THIS “retirement” crap? Not news so much as another sad example of how fucking lazy movie press has become: they cannibalize stories by other writers just to have something to post on their own blogs.

I’ve always said (since CLERKS, even) that I’ve got about ten films in me (that info might even be on my Wikipedia page). And COP OUT notwithstanding (solely because I didn’t write it), HIT SOMEBODY is the 10th film I’ve got in me. At this moment in time, I’ve got no other flicks I wanna make.

The author of the Boston Phoenix piece did a really nice job of not hyping that throwaway factoid in the article and turning it into the exact piece of specious bullshit “news” the websites you mentioned are trying to create of it.

Well then, we certainly shit in someones cereal now, didn’t we? Kevin, if you’re reading this, why so mad? It’s not like we made up some lie like “George Lucas Working On New Star Wars Movies”. What we did, was bring awareness to a very sad, and not widely known fact. Not everyone listens to your podcasts or goes to your Q&A’s. You say “I don’t have any more movies I want to make” and not expect someone to run with that? Even if people know it, it is still news. That’s the nature of the beast man.

You’re the last person we want to piss off, and I’m sorry we did…Christ are we sorry, but dude was that smackdown on us so necessary? Are we really the news poop monster you’ve made us out to be? Regardless, Kev (or am I now reduced to calling you Mr. Smith?) we love ya and hope your directing career does not end. You’re our most important nerd.

Kevin Smith announced in an interview by Barry Thompson in The Boston Phoenix  that he is going to: throw in the towel, pick up his ball and go home, or maybe just keep going through the TSA security pat down line for a cheap thrill or two.  Kevin says, “Red State is done. Next step is the hockey movie, Hit Somebody. Then I’m done. There’s possibly a Clerks 3. If I have something to say in my late 40s about being in my late 40s, I’ll think of [Clerks’] Dante and Randal. Shy of that, I don’t have any more movies I want to make.”

Pretty big news, but then who wouldn’t want to retire in their 40’s?  Kevin’s taken as much or maybe more shit from people and critics during his career as he’s had fans “pissing down his backside” in praise one minute, then grabbing torches and pitchforks the next.  (I’ve been on that bandwagon.  Kevin made Batman pee himself . . . Kevin made the Goddamn Batman squirt his drawers!  I was heating up the tar in the backyard after reading that.)

Something that anyone can see when reading or listening to Kevin speak about his body of work, is that although he sometimes plays the “I don’t give a shit about what anyone thinks.”  Kevin does give a shit about his work and the effort he put in to make things happen.  Anyone else around here want to have your life’s work scrutinized and picked over like that leftover turkey in your fridge?  Didn’t think so.

Most nerds think of Kevin as “one of us.”  A fanboy that snuck into the stadium, took his turn at bat, and cranked one out.  (No Zachy Legend, not that kind of crank one out, that will still get you arrested, like a batter that really knocks the ball out of the park.)  As a fanboy gone pro we could all think yeah, “I could do that!”  Guess what, 99% of us can’t.  We don’t have the creativity, the balls, or that spark that turns one from a fan to a creator.

So does that mean that Kevin has eaten the last movie Twinkie in his box?  (Hey, My fat ass can make that joke, you skinny fuckers can sit the hell down, shut up, and eat another carrot stick.)  What did Kevin really say?  “I don’t have any more movies I want to make.”  I am betting that a year or two down the road, Kevin will find that movie he wants to make.  Everyone always says, “Writers write, you should always keep writing.”  Bullshit, sometimes you need to step back from the keyboard and just look around.  Kevin has the means to enjoy life.  Why the hell shouldn’t he?

Now about where you can stick that fork . .

(The above article was written by nerdbastards contributor Mark Poynter, a.k.a Mordrun)

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