If there was ever a company who could call themselves the nerd superstore, it would be Think Geek. It’s nerdy, geeky stuff brought to you by nerdy, geeky folks. Started in 1995, Think Geek has grown into a thriving site with everything your little heart could wish for. You want your own sonic screwdriver, Think Geek’s got it. You want a Star Trek uniform fit for an infant, order it from Think Geek (but I’d shy away from a red shirt). Their exclusives are some of the most sought after geek merchandise on the web from the iCade (which, funny enough, began as an April Fool’s joke) to the Tauntaun sleeping bag. Basically, Think Geek has what you want. Period.
Of course, not everything will be in your price range. Most of their really, really, OMG I NEED IT NOW products can be $60, $80 or even $100! Let me tell ya, that can be hard for anyone to scrounge together. Especially when you work part-time and write freelance to make ends meet (Did this just get a little autobiographical?). But guess what, you don’t need to spend a fortune to buy cool shit from Think Geek. They have dozens of deals on loot and here’s a list of great gifts all for under $20.
So let’s think thrifty and share in the holiday tradition of giving, nerdy style.
Miracle Fruit Berry Tablets $14.99 (single pack)
Miracle Fruits (sometimes called Miracle Berries) have been a secret wonder of the world for centuries. Though they were first documented by a French dude in 1725, they’d been consumed for many generations prior. They were eaten before meals to make the meals taste better. “How?” you ask. By making sour and bitter foods taste sweet. “But how?” you scream. The truth is, science doesn’t completely know (it has something to do with the protein miraculin that bonds to your taste buds, but the exact cause is still a mystery). But the berries work, and it’s a miracle.
Okay, I’m sure you’re thinking, what the fuck? Miracle Fruit Berries? But you can’t tell me you’re not intrigued by something that will alter your perception of taste. What’s more sci-fi than that?! With these tablets you could eat the sourest of lemons like it was a delicious orange. And oranges? They become fruits of the gods, picked from the trees of Olympus they’re so damn sweet and tasty. Host a “flavor-tripping” party today!
Portal 2 Warning Sign Coasters $19.99 (set of eight)
Of the many indie games to skyrocket to super fame, Portal has got to be my favorite. Challenging puzzles, physic defying portals, killer yet friendly turrets, a constant feeling of observation; what isn’t there to love about hanging out at Aperture? Maybe that nasty lie about cake, but I can forgive. Now you show off your love of testing and safety with these warning sign coasters. Not only will they protect your furniture but they’ll appropriately alert people to watch out for projectile companion cubes.
With fantastic coasters you can’t cover them up with just any old glasses. You need classy, nerdy glasses and Think Geek has ’em in abundance. Whatever your dig: Star Trek, Star Wars, comic books, beer; they’ve got a set of glasses for you. Unfortunately, a few of these are out of stock at the moment. We can only hope they’ll restock before the holidays are over. If not, I don’t see why they wouldn’t make fabulous mid-January “it’s so fuckin’ cold your balls/tits have frozen off” gifts.
I bet Harrison Ford never imagined when he sat for his carbonite mold that his slack-jawed face would be reproduced countless times in so many different fashions for years to come. You can find Han Solo in carbonite soap, LEGOs,t-shirts, ice cube trays; you name it there’s probably a version with Ford’s open mouth and hands raised in perfect boobie-squeezing position. But a Han Solo in delicious chocolate? I don’t think it gets any better.
I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess you watch The Guild, or you at least know someone who watches The Guild. The web series created my Felicia Day has blown up the internet ever since its inception in 2007. It’s reached an almost critical mass of nerditude since then featuring dozens of geek celeb cameos. When Wil Wheaton joined the cast as Codex’s love interest and rival guild leader, Fawkes it was a match made in cyber-heaven. It was then immortalized in a sexy, creepy, who thinks up this stuff? painting commissioned to celebrate Codex and Fawkes’ relationship. They may not have been too pleased but fans have been clamoring for their own copy ever since. And now, you can own a poster of Greg Aronowitz’s “famous” painting. Making it truly a gift for the season, proceeds go to Child’s Play.
Mmm…bacon. Who doesn’t love bacon? Honestly, not salivating at the thought of bacon in downright un-‘Merican. And Think Geek has bacon flavored EVERYTHING! You wanna smell like bacon, wash with bacon soap. Want to taste bacon on everything, try bacon salt or bacon hot sauce. Want to snuggle with bacon? They’ve got a plushie for you. Actually, the only bacon thing they don’t sell is bacon. Unless you like your bacon canned and capable of lasting 10 years! Perfect for the zombie apocalypse.
Star Trek Enterprise Pizza Cutter $14.99 (ON SALE, usually $29.99)
This could be one of the most ingeniously designed products ever. Looking at the disc-shaped Enterprise I’m surprised it took this long for someone to think, “That’d make a great pizza cutter.” And really, what food do nerds consume more than pizza? This Think Geek exclusive is currently on sale so boldy go and order your officially licensed Star Trek collectible pizza cutter before this deal warps away!
I don’t know about you but I always get socks for Christmas. So much so I never buy socks throughout the year knowing I’ll be restocked once December ends. These socks come available in Geek, Bookworm, Nerd, Bacon, Zombie and Ninja.
Do you live somewhere with absolutely no snow? Your Christmas must be bland and depressing. Wait, scratch that. You probably have bright sun and wonderful, above freezing temperatures for Christmas, so you know what, fuck you. If the only snow you have to deal with is this amazingly cool Insta-Snow, I hate you.
This hi-tech powdered polymer absorbs water and expands nearly 100 times into a flaky white non-toxic substance closely resembling real snow. Each 5.3 oz jar makes 2 full gallons of the fluffy stuff, while the ultra-portable test-tube size cranks out two cups!
Once you’ve purchased gifts for everyone on your nice list, and maybe a few for those on the naughty list, you need to wrap ’em (Or warp ’em as I originally typed, which would be a lot cooler and incredible impressive). What better way to wrap your geeky gifts than with geek paper. Come on, it’s a no brainer. This paper comes in styles of Equations, Binary, Zombies, Can Has, ChristmasBots and Non-Denominational (Have a Satisfactory, Non-denominational Capitalist, Wintertime Gift-giving Season!) and crafted with only the finest tree flesh.
Whew! So, whose ready to go buy stuff!? I’ve barely scratched the surface of cool shit available at Think Geek. I guarantee as you peruse their site you’ll find something so spectacularly awesome you’ll be compelled to click buy now.
‘Course Think Geek isn’t the only place to do your holiday shopping. We still have kick ass Nerd Bastards t-shirts for sale at Split Reason. You know your mom would love one. Or she’ll at least love the fact that all proceeds benefit the charity, Child’s Play.