Welcome to another impressively inappropriate installment of Ask the Bastards, the weekly feature where you, the readers, get to ask us, the heathens at NerdBastards.com, anything you want about the world of nerddom. Today we’re talking Star Trek, obscure gaming systems, Star Wars, the future of the X-Men on film and the Constantine reboot, among many other things.

As you can see from the header, we’ve been doing these things for a while, so if you’d like to see what we’ve answered so far you can visit the Ask the Bastards archives right HERE. If you’ve got a question for a future installment, be sure to Like Us On Facebook or Follow Us On Twitter. We put out the call for questions every week, so keep an eye out for your chance to shine.

Will I ever find Nerd Love? – Gregory

My Magic 8-Ball says . . . Maybe. You might want to try the Yoda Magic 8-Ball, A better answer might he give you.  – Mark Poynter

Only if you are true to your nerd-roots. – Jason McAnelly

If I can, kid, so can you. (and that’s my motivational moment for the week) – Matthew Jackson

Who is the girl in your profile pic ? – Adam A. Donaldson

We answered this questions in “Ask the Bastards #4” Click HERE to read it. – Luke Gallagher

Most obscure gaming system in your collection(s)? – Tori

Does the imaginarium in the spare room of my house count? Hmm, I’ve never bought or was gifted any D-list systems. I once had Nintendo’s NES R.O.B the robot, though. I traded him into Gamestop for a stick of gum (wasn’t worth a damn thing) and a solicited subscription to Gameinformer magazine. – Luke Gallagher

My backyard. – Jason Tabrys 

*Slow Clapping* for Jason’s answer. Game Over – Mark Poynter

I’ve still got my SEGA GameGear lying around someplace. Remember those? They were like GameBoys only HUGE, and they came with this little magnifier thingy that never worked. Still, I had a lot of fun with Joe Montana Football.  – Matthew Jackson

What do you guys think of the new Scarlet Spider? – Antonio

There’s a new Scarlet Spider? Oh, the humanity… – Adam A. Donaldson

I rarely pick up any Spider-family books, so I really don’t know what to tell you. Unlike Adam, though, I was at least aware of it.  – Matthew Jackson

What do you like more, Star Wars episodes 1-3 or 4-6? – Jesse

I do not acknowledge false trilogies. Hope, Empire, & Jedi are all I will ever need. Ya dig? – Jason Tabrys

4-6, unless that very attractive nerdy girl in glasses over there thinks differently. I’d put that choice in my “Can eat crackers in bed” category. – Mark Poynter

I’d rather slam my junk in a sliding glass door -repeatedly- than be subjected to the prequels again. – Luke Gallagher

The answer should be rather evident. I mean, do you ever read this site?  – Adam A. Donaldson

I think this one is obvious.  The 1-3 episodes were a blasphemy.  Empire Strikes Back forever! – Jason McAnelly

I’m with Adam. I read this question earlier in the week and thought “Dear lord, please let no one launch into some kind of defense of the prequels, because there will be blood.” It’s pretty obvious none of us are fans of the prequels, but here’s a theory for you: Even if I did like the prequels (and hey, I do like 30-second segments here and there), I would still love the original trilogy more because I saw it when I was three. And when you see and love something when you’re three, it becomes a part of your nerd DNA. – Matthew Jackson

Do you think Constantine should continue with Keanu Reeves, or be rebooted? – Orlando

Reboot makes sense in this case. Keanu seemed clueless in the role, and he doesn’t smirk like I think Constantine would. I remember Constantine being a pretty big douche bag in the comics (Swamp Thing). With Keanu in the role I kept seeing Ted from Bill and Ted every time he was on screen. It needs a Gabriel Byrne type actor. – Mark Poynter  

I agree, I think there was some interesting ideas in Constantine but Keanu Reeves was really miscast in the role. The character is more Marlowe than Matrix, more con man than Chosen One. By all means, Keanu wasn’t the only problem with the film, but if there’s a reason to reboot the series, that’s a good place to start – Adam A. Donaldson

I would love to see Constantine rebooted, but in a series format.  The comic is too complicated to adapt into a movie without cutting essential elements from it.  If HBO or Showtime would bend over and let a decent writer redo this, it would be fk’n amazing.  Otherwise, just log it in the “coulda been good” section and move on. – Jason McAnelly

I didn’t hate Constantine as much as some other people did, but this has to be rebooted if there’s any justice in the world. Just look at Constantine in the comics: blonde, rumpled, rough, British. Back when Alan Moore, Steve Bissette, John Totleben and Rick Veitch were creating the guy, they used Sting (pop star turned actor, not wrestler) as the visual inspiration. That should give you an idea of what we should be looking for in a star. And hey, I think the hair would be less important if they could just do it with the right attitude. In any case, while I found Constantine to be a somewhat enjoyable flick, that’s not John Constantine up on screen. Fix it. – Matthew Jackson

Who wants to live forever? – Jason

The kids from Fame, Walter Donovan, and also myself. – Jason Tabrys

Living forever, eh? Well, it would be interesting to see the evolution of the humankind and gaining unlimited knowledge would be cool. However, it would get awfully old after a while. You’d reach a point where everything would become uninteresting. You’d be very lonely and disconnected from everyday life. Wait… that describes me! Holy waffles *puts hand over mouth* I’m must immortal! Maybe I’ve lived so long that my brain is simply unable to store all my past memories, so it reboots itself every couple of decades. That awkward moment when you realize you’re the Highlander.  – Luke Gallagher.

Well, everyone, of course.  I really would like to be around when cyber-limbs are readily available on the market.  Jason MAnelly

Christopher Lambert wants to live forever, and he probably thinks that if he keeps listening to the Queen tunes from Highlander he’ll get there. Me, I just hope I stick around long enough so that modern medicine can extend my lifespan by a century or so. I’ve got a lot of comics to read. – Matthew Jackson

Who do you think would win in a battle between the Borg Cube and the Death Star? – Nate

I would hand it to the Borg if they were allowed to beam onto the DeathStar. The lack of security on that station was horrendous. Old men wondering around, entire security detention areas taken over, unregistered droids connecting to security systems, ships launching without authorization. I’d force choke the crap out of who ever was in charge of station security. – Mark Poynter

If the Death Star can arm their planet-destroying beam fast enough to get a shot off on the Cube, then it’s advantage Death Star. If the Borg can get onboard or inside the Death Star (which, as George Lucas has shown us, isn’t very hard), it’s advantage Borg. Stormtroopers can’t aim. Borg can. It’s a blood bath. – Matthew Jackson

Can you give me a shout out in Huttese? – Joe

Chuba Naga Du Keepuna Nenoleeya? Gardo Killee Ateema! – Mark Poynter

Teenee Jedi. Teenee Jedi. (I’ve got nothing) – Adam A. Donaldson

Sup playa – Jason Tabrys

Wookie nipple pinchie – Matthew Jackson

With the recent rumors of (so far) possibly seeing Patrick Stewart and Famke Janssen reprising their roles in the next X-Men movie, how do you think this might unfold? It’d be great if they retconned X-Men 3: The Last Stand. – Alex

I think it’s awesome! Despite the success of First Class, I think there’s still a lot of lingering disappointment from The Last Stand, so bringing in some of the actors from the previous trilogy might help heal the rift, and the rumored storyline, Days of Future Past, is a little too perfect an opportunity to blend the two “classes.” Before principal photography begins, I wouldn’t be surprised to hear more rumors of previous X-Men actors returning. – Adam A. Donaldson

X-Men 3: The Last Stand was such a misstep of a film and what an unfortunate way to end what was a very promising X-Men franchise. I still get angry thinking about it. First Class on the other hand is the best X-Men movie of the bunch and I would just love to see this franchise somehow melded with the previous. And like Adam mentioned, the plot of Days of Future Past is simply asking for actors like Stewart, Ian McKellen, and Janssen to return and reprise. They’ve already shown they like the idea of blending these two movie-verses with Hugh Jackman and Rebecca Romijn’s cameos, so I count it as very likely. Whether it’ll retcon X3 or not, I’m not sure, since Days of Future Past is an alternate-future-kinda-thingy that the present X-Men will try and avert. But who cares, I propose we choose to collectively block out X3 and it’ll cease to exist. – Sarah Moran

Oh God, I wish they could erase the memory of the mess that was X-Men 3.  But, it’s already set in the system.  Hopefully, X-Men: First Class can erase that horrible moment. – Jason McAnelly

Everything that everyone said above is solid, and of course it’s always possible to use Days of Future Past as a way to create a new future where Last Stand didn’t happen. But Fox might consider that too complicated for moviegoers to grasp, so I think there’s only an outside chance of that. As it is, I think there are intriguing X-stories to tell to fill in the gaps in the timeline, and at some point you can just start using these characters freely again without worrying about a sequel everyone’s been trying to forget. Does that make sense? Sorry, I’m just seething over how annoying The Last Stand was now. My beef with it isn’t just that’s a mess that takes the series in 14 different directions, none of them promising. My beef is that I was loving the potential of that third movie. I was loving the cast (Ellen Page as Kitty Pryde? Come on!), and the way the universe was expanding on us, and then it all came crashing down. Whatever they do with this merging of old and new, we deserve better than what we got last time.  – Matthew Jackson

Which of the Star Trek TV series reigns supreme? – Jan

Next Generation because that’s the one I grew up on. – Jason Tabrys

DS9. Even Jonathan Frakes once acknowledged that the second Star Trek spin-off didn’t just push the envelope, it licked the stamp on it and stuffed itself into the mailbox. I might be misquoting him, but the point is valid. Plus, half the writing staff of Battlestar Galactica cut their chops on DS9, including showrunner Ron Moore. – Adam A. Donaldson

Really? No one’s mentioned The Original Series? For shame! While I enjoy TNG, and to a lesser extent every series thereafter, the 60s television show IS Star Trek. If you were to harass people on the street, asking, “Who’s captain of the Enterprise?” most would respond, “Kirk.” Who is likely the most popular and recognizable character to ever come from the franchise? Spock. And I believe almost any sci-fi fan could fill in the blanks here: Dammit Jim! I’m a ______ not a ______.  So,  sorry guys, I understand we all have our favorite Star Trek series, but which reigns supreme? You gotta give it to The Original Series. – Sarah Moran

The original series is still my favorite.  They explored strange new worlds, boldly went where no man had gone before, and made it entertaining at the same time.  The newer series were more like soap operas.  The NG crew spent more time on the holodeck or visiting the counselor than doing anything useful. – Jason McAnelly

I would love to just use Leonard’s response from The Big Bang Theory (“Original Series over Next Generation, but Picard over Kirk.”), but that feels like cheating. For me, it has to be the Original Series, because I grew up in a house where Next Generation viewing was simply not allowed. My father was a Trek purist, and thus believed that any story without Shatner wasn’t worth taking in. I learned the ins and outs of the Star Trek universe from that show (and those first six movies). It wasn’t until later that I began to experience TNG and DS9, and while I love them both, it all goes back to those Sunday afternoons with my Dad, watching Kirk and Spock exploring strange new worlds. – Matthew Jackson

What is your name, your quest, and your favorite color? – John

These questions are beneath the concerns of a wizard called  . . . Tim. – Mark “Tim” Poynter

Who told you about the quest? – Adam A. Donaldson

I am Luke, son of Bill. I seek to crush my enemies, see them driven before me, and to hear the lamentation of their women (blogging is a competitive business). I like the color green. –Luke Gallagher

My name is Jason.  My quest is to become the most awesome Nerdbastard ever.  My favorite color is blue steel. – Jason McAnelly

Category: Comics, Featured, Film, Nerd Culture, TV, Videogames, WTF?

Tags: , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *