Are you one of those few people who had a Zombie Apocalypse plan, like some of my gamer friends, ‘cause you wanted to be better prepared than the government? Well, you’ll be surprised to know that the Center for Disease Control released a blog on their plan for a Zombie Apocalypse. To be quite frank, the movies have a more detailed and realistic plan than the CDC. Some of their instructions sound like stuff you hear in school about what to do during a fire or hurricane. Here’s a case in point:

“…you should sit down with your family and come up with an emergency plan. This includes where you would go and who you would call if zombies started appearing outside your door step. You can also implement this plan if there is a flood, earthquake, or other emergency.

  1. Identify the types of emergencies that are possible in your area. Besides a zombie apocalypse, this may include floods, tornadoes, or earthquakes. If you are unsure contact your local Red Cross chapter for more information. Family members meeting by their mailbox. You should pick two meeting places, one close to your home and one farther away
  2. Pick a meeting place for your family to regroup in case zombies invade your home…or your town evacuates because of a hurricane. Pick one place right outside your home for sudden emergencies and one place outside of your neighborhood in case you are unable to return home right away.
  3. Identify your emergency contacts. Make a list of local contacts like the police, fire department, and your local zombie response team. Also identify an out-of-state contact that you can call during an emergency to let the rest of your family know you are ok.
  4. Plan your evacuation route. When zombies are hungry they won’t stop until they get food (i.e., brains), which means you need to get out of town fast! Plan where you would go and multiple routes you would take ahead of time so that the flesh eaters don’t have a chance! This is also helpful when natural disasters strike and you have to take shelter fast.”

I totally douse those rules in woosie sauce! I mean those are not rules specified too zombies, but for a weather emergency. Jeez CDC ,after stating that you’ve seen the literature, films and shows representing the horrid effects of zombie infection, all you plan do is exactly what happened 28 Weeks Later. If you had watched that movie you would have seen how well the CDC’s plan to, “conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak.” , would work. All those hookah’s got infected AGAIN and contaminated the survivors.

Gawsh! You’re such  idiots! (sigh) If you want to read the CDC’s full blog post on their step by step plans check it out, but  make sure to keep the rules from ZombieLand fresh your mind which are: Cardio, Double Tap, Beware of Bathroom, Limber up, the Buddy System, and most important When in Doubt Know your way out!

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Category: Nerd Culture


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