The award for this week in nerd rage has to go to Michael Bay, again. The internet still hasn’t cooled down after he recently announced his plans for the upcoming Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot. The wound is still fresh from his words, “These turtles are from an alien race, and they are going to be tough, edgy, funny and completely loveable” … 

Just typing that made me throw-up in my mouth a little. All across the internet the flames rage and the declaration that he is diddling our childhood again have been made over and over. Through all of this one very recognizable voice has cried out.

We have that voice after the jump.

Robbie Rist. Hey, I said it was his voice that was recognizable.

Rist is the man responsible for the surfer dude voice of Michelangelo in the first live action movie. Here are a few lines he sent to Bay personally, as well as a soundbite from TMZ:

“You probably don’t know me but I did some voice work on the first set of movies that you are starting to talk about sodomizing.” 

Rist added, “I know believing in mutated talking turtles is kinda silly to begin with but am I supposed to be led to believe there are ninjas from another planet? The rape of our childhood memories continues… ” 

Still, Rist tells TMZ … “Everything I have said here could be off base and wrong … He has made WAY more money at this than I have.”

Preaching to the choir, brother and no, just cause Bay sits on a giant pile of money earned on the tears of our inner children doesn’t give him carte blanche to needlessly and senselessly change core elements to a property. If I can quickly chime in here, why do they have to be aliens. What is the purpose of completely changing their origin, what is it going to bring to the table that simple mutation caused by ooze that is central to the basic story and is in their freaking name and argh…. sorry. Nerd rage was rising, creating an angry run on sentence.

Considering myself a fair and understanding man, I am willing to hear Michael Bay out on what his new vision for the heroes in the half shell is, complete without pre-judging or clinging to my geek instincts. This is what the brain dead idiot had to say on his Shoot For The Edit message boards.

“Fans need to take a breath, and chill. They have not read the script. Our team is working closely with one of the original creators of Ninja Turtles to help expand and give a more complex back story. Relax, we are including everything that made you become fans in the first place. We are just building a richer world.”

Whew, well… I’m calm now. I mean he’s got this, right? He’s going to do all he can to keep everything we loved and expand it, grow it, give us a fresh new world where our beloved Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo and yes, even Donatello can live on and entertain us again. He will treat it with the respect and attention to detail the story deserves.

Just like he did with Transformers, right?

Micheal Bay must be stopped!

Category: Comics, Film

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