By now you’ve probably heard some positive buzz for Transformers: Dark of the Moon. Maybe even hearing comments like “Best of the series”. Well gosh darn, that’s like saying you’re the smartest kid with down syndrome. At the end of the day, you’re still retarded.  I apologize for the mentally challenged joke, but you can’t fix stupid and this addition into the robot fighting franchise is just as dumb. It’s riddled with all the problems of its predecessors, only slightly less. Instead of racist robots, bots with unfortunately placed bulbous balls, a push over villain, or being an overlong, numb experience; we get bots with Einstein hairdoos, a pout champion female lead, awkward moments of dialogue and more brand advertising than you can shake a stick at (GM cars and trucks, Mercedes SLS AMG, brand-name whiskey and brandy, Hermes bags, Cisco and Lenovo computers). But yes, if I must make the announcement, T:DOTM is a vast improvement from the last flick. “Dark of the Moon” manages to squeak out a semblance of a plot, the characters were entertaining (Yes, even The Beef was likable) and offers enough battle royal eye candy to lush over. GAWD! I can’t believe I just said that!


The plot goes a little something like this.The Autobots find out that there is a Cybertron spacecraft that crash landed on the moon in the 60’s, they set out to collect Sentinel Prime (Leader of the Autobots before Optimus) and some transportational boom sticks of sorts on the craft before the Decepticons do, because it could mean the complete annihilation of earth.

The story is nothing but a means to getting the action going… and action you get! My lord, the last 45+ minutes is an orgy of mass destruction. The decimation of Chicago, is eye widening. And, yes, the 3D is well used here. You’re truly engaged in this pulse pounding feast of special effects mayhem. There’s a wow factor here that cannot be denied. Oh, and as far as robot fighting goes. Unlike the last two films where the robots blend together, this time around their slightly more distinct in design and their sequences are smooth. And speaking to the best of all, is of course Optimus Prime. Holy waffles, mother fucker goes berserk in this film! He kicks all kinds of ass! As he rips through Decepticon after Decepticon you’ll pump your fist in the air and scream with glee!

Another contradictory compliment I have to my quote-unquote negative review, is how entertaining each character is. They’re all fucking likable! John Turturro is exceptionally funny. John Malkovich was awesomely hilarious as Sam’s boss, and speaking of Sam (Shia Labauef), he’s actually relatable; trying to land a job in this terrible economy. Maybe it was her doe eyes and British accent that fooled me, but even Rosie Huntington-Whiteley (Megan Fox’s HPOA replacement) perked up the film. Though, she does have a scene with Megatron that will make you roll your eyes at. Speaking of villains. They were played out well. Patrick Dempsey plays the role of a corporate D-bag to a T and Sentinel Prime (voiced by Leonard Nimoy) was a worthy misguided hero. A decent bot who becomes a prick by trying to save his world at all costs. He even rocks Spock’s “needs of the many out way the needs of the few” quote from Star Trek. Squee!

My only complaints pertain to some unfortunate cheesy dialogue, goofy looking bots (That Einstein bot was just dumb), excessive and shameless brand advertising, wave after wave of Decepticons coming from virtually no where and some questionable plot devices (IE Sentinel Prime being only one who can use his technology, yet when it gets turned off Patrick Dempsey kicks it back up with a hand slap). Over-all the complaints are few. It’s still follows the same formula and world as the first two films (kinda has to, obviously) and in that sense it’s insult to the source material, but over-all this was a far more focused and decently executed film.

Look, I really wanted to hate this movie, but I didn’t. It shocks me to say it, but it’s an experience! A good one! Adequate story, some good surprises, entertaining cast, action of the most epic proportions and a great use of 3D. It was exactly what it needed to be.

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