Jason Biggs is known for many things — his leading performance in American Pie, also his work in American Pie 2, and American Wedding, and… are we sensing a trend? He’s the pie fucker, and that is what he will be until the day he dies. If the man cured cancer, the headline would read “Pie Fucker cures cancer”.
Luckily, Biggs isn’t outwardly bitter about the source of his notoriety, because, you know, there are worse things you could fuck to gain notoriety, i.e. Ray J.
How not bitter and totally okay with his reputation is Biggs? Check out his embedded video below that blends Thankskilling and The Godfather to portray the worlds very first incident of pastry initiated sodomy with a cobbler c*ck.
Note: I got a little wordy with this post. If you don’t care to read my rant, then here’s the gist of it: The dudes the made Harold and Kumar (writer-directors Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg) want to reboot Back to the Future. I’m not sure if they’re are serious, or if they are just trolling. If they are not kidding, then join with me as I make a call the Cthulhu.
I’ve come to a realization that Hollywood will not stop with remaking and rebooting popular movie franchises. It’s a reality I’ve come expect and accept. Put it this way its as if dominatrix hogties you with nylon rope, hangs you from the ceiling and then proceeds to introduce your anus with the biggest, angriest looking dildo you’ve ever seen… and there’s nothing you can do about it. But there comes a time when you simply gotta fight! Sometimes you just gotta bite through that nylon rope, drop yourself from that ceiling (like a suave Spider-Man) and disembowel the bitch that plans to rape you. Hostel style.This is one of those times…
Robert Zemeckis‘ Back to the Future was, is and always will be a true Sci-Fi classic. It’s one of the rare big-budget entertainments that’s improved with time (no pun intended). Anyway, two Hollywood douche canoes want to remake it. With American Reunion about to hit theaters and —and A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas making some bank, writer-directors Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg have made a splash at Universal. These two have basically been given carte blanche to do whatever the hell they want and Universal will make it happen.
Our friends at Moviehole asked these fartknockers what pickings from Universal’s catalog they’d like to get their hands on, they eventually came clean about their Back to the Future dream. Schlossberg said the following:
“I wouldn’t want to do it now because people would be like, ‘Oh, there’s no way it will be as good as the original.’ But 30 years from now when Spielberg’s, like, 90 and those guys are kind of on their way out, and those movies just look really old because we’re watching movies that are old, literally in two dimensions or something, it would be great to have all these classics that you’re able to remake.”
OK, so maybe all my vehement talk of killing and disembowelment was a little extreme. These guys obviously aren’t making any immediate plans to update BTTF. However, fuck them for considering it and shit on their chin for planting the seed. My anger is completely warranted. I don’t how dated BTTF will be 30’s years from now, you don’t freaking touche this film!
Over a decade ago people couldn’t say the name Jason Biggs with picturing a warm apple pie and compromising position. Even after all those years it seems that everything disgusting still somehow stays the same, thanks to the release of the adult-oriented trailer American Reunion.
The direct sequel American Wedding, this film picks up a decade after, right it time for the group’s ten year high school graduation. hijinks will ensue.
In the comedy American Reunion, all the American Pie characters we met a little more than a decade ago are returning to East Great Falls for their high-school reunion. In one long-overdue weekend, they will discover what has changed, who hasn’t and that time and distance can’t break the bonds of friendship. It was summer 1999 when four small-town Michigan boys began a quest to lose their virginity. In the years that have passed, Jim and Michelle married while Kevin and Vicky said goodbye. Oz and Heather grew apart, but Finch still longs for Stifler’s mom. Now these lifelong friends have come home as adults to reminisce about—and get inspired by—the hormonal teens who launched a comedy legend.
Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg (Harold and Kumar) directed, and Seann William Scott, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Thomas Ian Nicholas, Chris Klein, Mena Suvari, Shannon Elizabeth, Tara Reid, Natasha Lyonne, Eugene Levy, Alyson Hannigan and Jennifer Coolidge all appear. At least this news is better then hearing about one of those stupid direct to DVD movies coming out again.