Andrea Berloff

Arnold-as-King-ConanI’ve got to start this post with a quick prayer:

Crom, I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you, will remember if this choice of script writer is good or bad. Why she was chosen, or why our fandom died a little inside. All that matters is that fans stood against the Hollywood Many. That’s what’s important! Valor pleases you, Crom . . . so grant me one request. Grant me the words to make people listen to my rant, and if they don’t listen, then to HELL with you!

Why the prayer? Word around the Internet water cooler is that Universal Pictures has hired Andrea Berloff to write the script for what we hoped would be the triumphant return of Arnold Schwazenegger as Conan in, The Legend of Conan. Why am I concerned about this bit of news? Look at Berloff’s past work and tell me where she has shown any capability to handle bringing a sword swinging barbarian to the big screen.

World Trade Center is her best known work to date and I just can’t see how she’s going to make the transition from WTC to the land of Hyboria. I want some “R” rated barbarian king action that embodies Conan’s theory on what is best in life.

To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.

I fear The Legend of Conan is going to turn into some watered down PG-13 Care Bear fest. It’s Conan the Adventurer all over again. I was excited when I heard that the producers planned to ignore everything that happened after the first movie. No Conan the Destroyer or Momoa Conan reboot to explain, those were only Black Lotus dreams we all had while enjoying the pleasure domes of Kubla Khan.

Marvel Comic’s King Conan series was one of my favorites, I’ve still got the complete run, backed and mylar bagged in my comic collection. Right next to The Savage Sword of Conan set I’m working to complete. When Arnold announced he was finally going to play King Conan, I’ll admit I let out my most manly schoolgirl squee. Now, I’m having some serious issues with where the whole project is going.

What do you think? Of course I am over-reacting, but am I over-over-reacting?