Animal Cruelty

FantasticBeasts

No word yet as to how mere “movies” or pint-sized “cinema” feel about their newly discovered, beastly-sounding kin.

News of Fantastic Beasts’ super-sizing was slid into a New York Times profile of Warner Bros. CEO Kevin Tsujihara.  This expansion should come as a surprise to no one, as nearly every studio has been chasing after a new YA cash-cow following the end of Harry PotterTwilight, and Beautiful Creatures (wait…). Even when the project was first announced, it was being “planned as the first picture in a new film series.” What is a bit of a shock, however, is that new words had to be added to the English vernacular in order to describe such a monolith of motion pictures.

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If Pokemon Were More Realistic

We’ve seen countless videos parodying the obvious but unseen truth of Pokemon abuse (hunting of innocent and rare creatures, imprisoning them in tiny balls and making them fight each other on a daily basis), but this latest one from Cracked.com is perhaps the most shocking depiction. You’ll cry.. or maybe smile. Depends what kind of sick bastard you are.


If Pokemon Were More Realistic — powered by Cracked.com

OK, couple things wrong with this video. 1. The Pokeballs break the law of conversion of mass so it doesn’t work realistically. But maybe that’s the point. How would you feel after being crammed into 4×4 inch circle? 2. Ash would never put Pikachu in the Pokeball in the first place! He’s racist that way. For this video to be more “realistic” it should have shown Ash being arrested for animal cruelty and maybe truancy. Fucker never goes to school.

Regardless, poor Pikachu. His limp body and sad dying face being pulled back into the wind will haunt me.