Classic Toys


If there’s one thing nerds of a certain age universally agree on, it’s this: Toys (for kids and young adults) these days SUUUCK!

Oh, sure–today’s younglings have video games that would make 8 year old, Atari 2600 playing me drop dead of a pleasure-induced brain hemorrhage. And there will always be timeless classics like LEGO (and by the way: CURSE, children of today, for having LEGO Stores!). But as far as action figures–and their accompanying vehicles, playsets, and other miscellany go: The playthings of my 1980s childhood beat the piss out of anything the 21st century has yet to come up with–it’s not even a contest.

But this feature isn’t about how much new toys blow (that’s another feature), instead, the old and decrepit among the Nerd Bastards staff have decided to present you, the reader, with a series of tributes to the overpriced hunks of plastic of yore. Magnificent toy lines that make us forget how lonely and miserable our ACTUAL childhoods were.

In this weeks Toys We Miss column, I take you back to a marvelous era, when a toy’s worth was measured in how likely it was to put your little sister in therapy. We check out the creepy faced hand puppets known as Boglins(more…)


Over the fifty-something years since her introduction, Mattel‘s flagship girl’s fashion doll, Barbie, has been the object of as much scorn and controversy as love and devotion. The perennial issue driving the anti-Barbie movement is her wildly unrealistic measurements and bodily proportions. It is believed by many (and apparently backed up by statistics) that Barbie’s impossible curves make her an inappropriate role model for little girls, and are also causing sales of the doll to plummet.

Well, a Mattel executive has decided to step into the arena and defend Barbie’s bod. (more…)


Ok, so a film based on (read: bought the rights to the name of) the iconic Hot Wheels line of toys is apparently a thing….Because Battleship clearly demonstrated how good an idea making a movie based on toys with no inherent story line is.

Legendary Pictures has signed former stuntman Simon Crane to direct the film from a script by Iron Man writers Art Marcum and Matt Holloway. (more…)


Well who would have thought, our classic Legos would be evil little Hitler wanna be racist? I for one feel deceived by the beloved toy of my childhood! I spent hours toiling away building homes for these little bastards! So you’re probably just as shocked and hurt by this as me, to find out that this classic toy is not as nice as we thought. Recently, it has been brought to the forefront by artist Chris McVeigh. McVeigh comments, “Almost all non-white faces in Lego are scowling.”  Now suppsedly, the Lego company never meant to be exclusive but rather all inclusive in it’s depictions of it’s figures. “The yellow-headed minifigure was a conscious choice,” says Michael McNally, Lego’s brand relations manager. “Because of their ethnically neutral skin color, Lego people can be any people—in any story, at any time.”   Take a closer look at these figures and draw your own conclusions.




It’s that time of the month again. Yes that’s exactly what you think it means… time that releases a new Masters of The Universe Classics figure. Tomorrow (9/15) Webstor: Evil Master of Escape goes on sale at noon (est.). This will mark the 12th figure in the new line of He-man figures exclusive to the online collectors market. As with all the figures in the line Webstor is highly detailed, fully articulated, modern take on its classic 80’s counter part. The only real noticeable difference between this and the classic figure is the addition of 4 extra limbs on his back pack. This is a nod to the short-lived 2002 cartoon, which featured Webstor in a more terrifying arachnid form. My only gripe with this figure is does not have the zip line climbing action feature that its classic counter part does. Besides that small complaint this is a truly awesome figure that plays on the nostalgia of He-man figures of old.

Webstor will be making his way into my collection. Will he join yours?