The ruthlessness of loan sharks is accepted as an unquestioned fact of criminal lore, just ask Brian Griffin, so it should be a foregone conclusion that if you “borrow” a couple of thousand dollars from a loan shark and you don’t pay it back, you’re going to be in some serious trouble. But an effort is appreciated right? I mean, the best you can hope for is maybe getting a broken leg and more time. Whatever you do though, don’t try to pay off your loan shark with Star Wars figures. The transitive economic value of Star Wars toys doesn’t extend to the criminal underworld, and in 2010, one poor soul found that out the hard way. (more…)
And the “Most Tenuous Connection To Nerdity In A Nerd News Report” award goes to…..
Back in June, Shannon Richardson–known then for small roles on The Walking Dead and The Vampire Diaries–but destined to go down in history as a crazed right-wing nutjob was arrested for allegedly sending letters laced with the toxin ricin to President Barack Obama and New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg.
We now have word that she has plead guilty–and, under the terms of her plea bargain, will serve a maximum of 18 years in Federal prison. (more…)
In the latest incident of nerd-related violence, one Jared M. Gurman of Williston Park, Long Island, shot his girlfriend Jessica Gelderman with a .22 caliber, semiautomatic rifle after an argument stemming from a premise related to the zombie-drama The Walking Dead.
“I just know that he felt very adamant that there could be some type of military mishap that would result in some sort of virus or something being released that could cause terrible things to happen,” said Detective Lieutenant Raymond Cote in a statement.
After the initial fight, Gelderman decided to walk it off, but the argument continued via text message. When the victim returned home, she found boyfriend Gurman ready for her – with a gun – to continue the argument. Gelderman tried to calm Gurman down, but since he was clearly disturbed and heavily armed, she ended up getting shot once through her lung and diaphragm and shattering her ribs.
“Jess walked into the room and I fired the gun once and hit her,” explained Gurman later. “She said, ‘Oh my God. What did you do?'”
Achieving sanity long enough, Gurman got Gelderman to a hospital and was then arrested on one charge of second degree attempted murder. Despite his lawyer’s argument that the whole thing was a misunderstanding and that the gun went off “accidentally,” Gurman is now being held without bail, and Gelderman is recuperating in hospital.
So the lesson of the day kids is to keep nerd rage where it belongs: on the internet. Where it can’t hurt anyone. In a way other than emotional that is.
Florida. Not like the rest of us.
Floridian resident Stephanie Pitsey, 18, is currently being held as an accessory for the murder of Jacob Hendershot, which is being being reported as a premeditated killing. Police say that Jacob was lured to a house where several of Pitsey’s friends brutally killed the 16 (!) year old, after which they proceeded to dump his body in a local storm drain. Now, while this is plenty fucked up as it is…it’s not even close to the weirdest part of the crime.
In a recent interview from behind bars Stephanie claimed <and hold on to your hats here people> that she is a half-vampire/half-werewolf hybrid! Whoa!
Are you shitting me? This isn’t Underworld and she sure as hell isn’t Scott Speedman, but her words may be true (as twisted as they are). Police claim that she and four others, also carrying similar charges, were members of a vampire cult, which may be the reasoning behind the killing in the first place.
Pistey said: “Since I was like, 12…I know this is going to be crazy, but I believe that I’m a vampire. Part of a vampire and part of a werewolf.” Pitsey denies drinking any of Hendershot’s blood, but has claimed to have drank the blood of fiance and co-defendant William Chase, 25.
I wonder if they’ll somehow find a way to trace this back to the whole Twilight thing and maybe force some government action against it. A man can dream, a man can dream.
Police are currently looking for, and expecting to arrest, a sixth person in connection to the crime in Florida.
Mike Meyer, a 48-year-old Superman fanatic from Granite City, Illinois, has been collecting comics, action figures and other Man of Steel memorabilia since 1974. He has thousands of items in every room of his home. He collects Social Security for a mental disability and works part time at a McDonald’s to supplement his income, and last month some asshole wormed his way into his house and took 1,800 very valuable items from his collection.
Here’s a snippet of the story from the St. Louis Post-Dispatch:
Meyer said mostly only his friends and family knew of his collection, but he also made the mistake once of telling someone less trustworthy: a guy named Gary whom he worked with at the Hardee’s on Madison Avenue in 1991. Meyer said he ran into Gary recently while at Kyle’s Baseball Cards and Comics in Granite City. Gary asked Meyer whether he still collected Superman items and asked to see the collection. Meyer first gave an excuse, but then Gary called him later saying he was in the neighborhood and hoped to stop by.
“He just kept talking like a salesman,” Meyer said. “He wouldn’t take no for an answer.”
Meyer said he let Gary into the house that day and gave him a quick tour. Gary asked to see “my most precious comics,” Meyer said.
The next night, Gary was back again, asking whether Meyer would let Gary’s girlfriend watch some of his Superman movies. Meyer said while he and the girlfriend watched, Gary disappeared for a while. Meyer noticed the theft two days later, on the morning of Aug. 24, and called police. All he knows is that Gary has dark hair, a goatee, is about 35 and drives a silver or gray car.
Mike didn’t lose his entire collection, but what he did lose amounts to somewhere around $5,000 and loads of memories. If you live in the Granite City area and know anything about this, please contact local authorities and help Mike get his comics back.
Lyle Monroe Bensley, 19, is far from the vision of those sparkling bastards seen in the Stephenie Meyer series. He actually has character (Bah dum tssh)! See, Lyle thinks he’s a 500 year old vampire.
With a body covered in tattoos and wearing only boxer shorts, this lunatic forced his way into an apartment on Seawall Boulevard in Galveston and made his way into the bedroom of a woman -whose name has not been released- to uh… feed.
What a romantic.
During the course of biting and hitting of the woman in her bed, Bensley made growling and hissing noises. You see what happens when you read too much Twilight now kids? Thankfully this woman was able to break free, but only after Bensley dragged her out of the apartment. Getting away in a car driven by a neighbor who happened to be in the area at the time.
Galveston police officer Daniel Erickson said he and another officer were in the woman’s apartment building when they heard shrieking. After investigating the growling sounds and seeing Bensley in the parking lot, they gave chase and captured him shortly thereafter.
Police spokesman Capt. Jeff Heyse said “He was begging us to restrain him because he didn’t want to kill us,” Officer Erickson said. “He said he needed to feed.” According to Erickson, Bensley said “I’m a vampire, and I’ve been alive for over 500 years.” Emergency medical personnel determined that Bensley did not appear to be under the influence of drugs (or V for you True Blood fans), a mental health hold was placed on Bensley and his bond was set at $40,000.
Via: You Bent My Wookie
Police have released the above photo depicting a man who held up a Wendy’s in Rib Mountain, Wisconsin last week.
This Ninja bandit, who is described as 5’10 with a stocky build, waved a gun and tied up employees hands and feet with duct tape (How very un-ninja like) . He and his accomplish made off with a un-known sum of cash. Which I assume was used for pizza and whores dressed in yellow news reporting jumpsuits.
While this dilweed certainly “loved being a turtle” he’s clearly never watched a TMNT episode. Master Splinter would would never condone a life of crime, or such poor use of ninja skills. On the other hand, he did “vanish with out trace”.
We here at Nerdbastards are all about trying to crack a good joke here and there, but now isn’t the time. Sometimes bad things happen to good people and this is one of those situations. For Hillaire S., a young woman living in a Texas, the justice system is second to the high school sports team. Here’s Hillaires’ story (*Spoiler: a nerd angel comes to her aid):
At the age of 16, Hillaire S. was sexually assaulted by Rakheem Bolton, a basketball player and football star from the school. She did the right thing and reported her attacker to school authorities. However, they responded to this sickening attack on a student by telling her to “Lay low”, stay away from the cafeteria, and not go to Homecoming. Rakheem admitted to the crime and was charged with misdemeanor assault, if this were an episode of Degrassi this would be the part before the credits where he gets kicked off the team.
Follow the jump for the entire story
Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew.
A married woman from Livermore, California, is accused of doing the old “Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Start” with two underage teen boys. Christine Shreeve Hubbs faces (count ’em) 67 counts of sexual assault. One presumes the authorities didn’t add two more because that would be tacky.
Instead of a sketchy van and promises of candy, she reportedly went the more modern route and gave the two teens game consoles, money and other presents, including sex. She is alleged to have had the relationships for two years, which means (to increase the ick factor) that this started when the kids were 13.
Not for nothing, but do you really need to bribe a 13-year-old boy to get laid?
The police were alerted to the situation after the mother of one of the boys found nekkid pictures on the kid’s cell phone. Additional pictures of Hubbs having sex with both boys were also found.
Hubbs, a mother of three, is being held on a $4.3 million bond.
That probably equates to a few bucks per “OMGWTFBBQ?” reaction people have when they hear about this. Seriously, what the hell, people?