edward cullen


Yes! Finally proof that this garbage might in fact kill you! I think we here at Nerd Bastards should begin the death toll now. Twilight 1 – Human Race 0, and that’s not counting the amount of souls it has already consumed.

“Wellington police spokeswoman Victoria Evans said the man’s body was found by a cleaner at Reading Cinemas on Courtenay Place shortly before 8.30pm.
The 23 year old New Zealand man had attended a 6pm screening of the film, the latest instalment in the Twilight franchise, which revolves around a love triangle between human girl, a vampire and werewolf.

The man was slumped in his seat, and the cleaner thought he was asleep.”

Though the likeliness of the death actually being due to how awful the content in the film is highly unlikely. The artery packing popcorn, candy and numerously re-heated hot dogs would seem to be the culprit….

my two cents:

I still feel that edward cullen’s semen slicked hair played a large part in the passing of the innocent.

Twilight Ruins Lives


I always knew I’d be able to post something like this.  Twilight is ruining the lives of the poor people who fall into the clutching, sucking ways of the franchise.  Yahoo reports that addiction to the Twilight series may be responsible for relationships and marriages dissolving because people spend all of their times on blogs and message boards related to the series, or reading fan fiction.

When I first read it, I stupidly assumed that women were ignoring their husbands and boyfriends for the series and that was the problem.  But actually, it is reported that some men are the ones doing the ignoring while reading the books and watching the Twilight movies over and over again.  One woman even complained that her husband had a sparkly Team Edward shirt.  (You might want to check if he is still attracted to women, or if you’ve both been checking out men together and you just weren’t aware…)

Meh, addiction is addiction and I suppose that you could be just as addicted to another franchise or thing as Twilight, it isn’t that series specifically that causes this phenomenon.  (ie WoW, alcohol, heroin, Harry Potter, etc) But as I’m such a Twihater, I find it fun to report news like this.

F*** You, Stephenie Meyer. F*** You.


In a recent interview this stunningly good writer did with twilightseriestheories.com, (note my usage of sarcastic italics) she has basically admitted she is not working on the next book in the Twilight series that every fangirl and boy are wishing their poor little hearts out for.  In this next book, it was rumored that she would be writing it from the perspective of Edward Cullen instead of Bella Swan. Here is the quote, in case you care:

I know that’s what everyone cares about.  I also know that the right answer would be for me to say “Oh yah, it’s done! And it’ll be out next month!”  But that’s not true.  It’s also not true that I’ve got a ton of work done on it, and that’s what I’m working on.  What’s true is that I’m really burned out on vampires.  And, I don’t want to write it badly.  So I want to wait until I’m excited about the material again, and I’m excited about Edward, and that it’s something that’s motivating.  You know, when a story is keeping me up at night, and I’m waking up at 4 am in the morning and thinking ‘Yes! That is what is what should happen in this moment!’  Then that is when I can write with happiness! So, right now it feels like homework… it really does.  And when things feel like homework they go very, very slowly for me.

All right, so a few things…you’re sick of vampires?  YOU, Stephenie if I may call you that, YOU are sick of vampires?  You’re the whole damned reason that we real vampire fans are sick of vampires!!  You don’t get to back out now, no!  You have to stick it out and write horrible vampire novels until your fucking hands fall off, or an Edward Cullen look-a-like actually tries to drink your blood and leaves you for dead on the side of the roa–okay.  That was harsh.  Moving on…



(This article was submitted by NB Ghostwriter and Twilight fan Crystal Halcott)

Today on Oprah, the full trailer of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse debuted. Unlike its predecessors, this one may spark your curiosity (or not), but so far it looks better then Twilight and New Moon. Here’s the run down for those of you who do not read the books: In this part of the series the Cullens (Edward and his family), and their friends, go to war against the Volturi and Newborn Vamps that Victoria (Bryce Dallas Howard)  has so graciously created to try and take out the “good” vampires…and that’s all I’m going to say on the matter. I’m a huge fan of the books but have been extreemly disappointed in the movies thus far. But honestly, I must say that this trailer has been by far the most exciting. Now, I’m not putting all my faith into the movie yet and there is no way in hell I will be seeing the movie opening night this time around, but I am looking forward to it and hope this movie is just as exciting as the book. Let me know your thoughts on the trailer…Does it look better then Twilight and New Moon? Will it step up to the standards the book has set?


(Article submitted for your approval by Nerdbastards fan and possible future writer Nick Womack)

What man would get tired of being surrounded by beautiful woman? Naked beautiful women? (hand remains down forever) Recently, Robert Pattinson (Edward Cullen: Twilight) was at a photo shoot for Details magazine, where for several hours, he was bombarded by nude women. It was reported that he said he was “allergic to vaginas.”

“I really hate vaginas. I’m allergic to vaginas. But I can’t say I had no idea, because it was a 12-hour shoot, so you kind of get the picture that these women are going to stay naked after, like, five or six hours…Thank God I was hungover.”


WHAT THE FUCK? You have 90% of American teenage girls wanting your vampire cock, and you’re allergic to their bat caves? Yes, you could only pound on about 10 of those 600,000 due to legal reasons, but still. And then to add on to his horrible choice of words, he goes on to say that the only impotant relationship he has is with his dog. So instead of having odaxelagnia, aka an attraction to vampires, he appears to have beastiality, aka a sexual fondness of animals. Sorry ladies — the only way you’re getting his vampire dick is to turn into a basset hound. That, or go on your cycle; I’m sure he wouldn’t care if you had a vagina as long as it’s bleeding.

source: popeater

In the Twilight books, werewolves are regular inhabitants of Forks and La Push. But in real life, the wolves surrounding the town of Forks could be in serious danger.

This is an actual QUOTE from JSYK. Washington State apparently back in the 1800’s did what practically EVERY mid western state did. They moved into areas crawling with wolf packs and when they started attacking cattle, they put out large worthwhile rewards for wolf skins. Every hunter took up the bounty until the wolves were on the brink of extinction. (more…)