Darth Vader wanted to bring order to the galaxy, but I guess he’ll settle for bringing order to the Ukraine instead. In the midst of the ultra-serious and unstable political situation in the Ukraine, comes a bit of political theater as the Dark Lord of the Sith has thrown his hat in the ring to run the struggling Eastern European republic. Of course, Vader’s track records with running republics is spotty at best, but believe it or not, Vader has been a fixture in Ukrainian politics for the last couple of years, and this run for the nation’s highest office is just another entry in the character’s political saga. (more…)

Reese Witherspoon

I’m sorry I couldn’t find a picture with cleavage. I know that is important. I have failed you.

Reese Witherspoon, aka that actress who you despise because of Sweet Home Alabama and Legally Blonde, but who you used to sorta dig because of her appearance in Election and the virgin heat she put off in Intolerable Cruelty, has been arrested in Georgia for some stuff.

She did the alleged stuff allegedly when her husband was arrested for an alleged DUI. The stuff she did reportedly included asking the cop if he knew her name, but this shit is all alleged, so keep that in mind.

This part wasn’t in the report that I didn’t read because Game of Thrones was on last night and it was fucking awesome, but I assume she then asked if he liked Water for Elephants and that she then became irate when the cop was like, “What the fuck is that?” and she was like: “It’s this period drama about a circus and some shit. It had me in it and the kid from Twilight — no, the other kid, the one who can sorta act. It won a fucking People’s Choice award. How do you not fucking know that!?!?!”

Yeah, I can totally see it going down like that.

Fun fact: Witherspoon used to be married to Ryan Phillipee (who is not the guy who allegedly drove drunk). He is famous for a sorta gruff sorta New York accent even though his Wikipedia page says he is from Delaware. Wikipedia is fucking awesome. Philipee was also in MacGruber, which was also fucking awesome.

Reese Witherspoon

Anyway, Witherspoon is sorry for the stuff she did and she released a statement through her publicist. Here is that statement:

Out of respect for the ongoing legal situation, I cannot comment on everything that is being reported right now. But I do want to say, I clearly had one drink too many and I am deeply embarra…

FUUUUUUUUUUUCK, I don’t care. Do you care? I’ve heard people ask a variation of the “Do you know who I am” thing when their debit card gets declined or some poor, sad, bastard gets their order wrong. It’s a thing people say. Big fucking deal, Tracy Flick isn’t perfect.

Fuck this story, here’s a picture of Nick Nolte’s mugshot.

Reese Witherspoon

So, do you Nerd Bastards and Bitches (is that a thing we’re doing? I don’t feel like that’s okay.) have an opinion about this? I don’t fucking care about that either.

Source: Space Ghost, EW, Yo Mama