That title is really scary, I outdid myself and now you’ve clicked on this article expecting to read about the end of existence on NerdBastards.com, which is probably not where you thought that you’d find out about the end of existence. (more…)
End of the World
With the apocalypse scheduled for tomorrow thanks to a few lazy Mayan calendar makers, we thought it best to write a letter to the one being who can surely save our planet — the Doctor. Trouble is, we don’t have his mailing address (he moves… a bit) so we’re putting this out there in the hopes that it gets to him by way of the Archangel network or perhaps Reddit or Twitter.
It’s Christmas time, and once again the earth is in peril. The earth, not just England.
As our most dedicated and able protector, we are asking you — and whatever chippy you presently have by your side — to intercede so that we don’t have to put our impractical and fanciful delusions of post-apocalyptic grandeur to the test. Doctor, most of us can’t start a fire without a how to app and our combat skills have been forged in the fake fires of Skyrim. We are not built to fend off zombies or live without electricity.
We need your help and I don’t think I have to remind you that without the earth, your ready supply of Jelly Babies, pocket celery, and fish fingers and custard will dry up. Also, what would you do without us? How would you occupy your time without our constant need to be rescued by Sontaran’s, Cybermen, Dalek’s, and weird cubes?
Besides, Doctor, you know you can’t travel alone. What will you do when there are no more companions to wow and woo? Shape shifting android? They don’t last long. Alien? The last one you had humped everyone’s leg.
Face it Doctor, we are the needy ying to your helpy yang, so go wrap a rift lasso around Nibiru the Ghost Planet and tow it out of our way, go back in time and give the Mayans a calendar made out of psychic paper, or use your sonic screwdriver on something so that the North and South pole don’t reverse.
Rescue us Doctor, find it in your hearts to keep us safe. We’re dimwitted apes who should aspire to be men and women who never would, but we still have an undefinable charm that keeps you coming back. Doctor, for all the monsters that we make, we’ve also counted Rose, Sarah Jane, and Amelia and Rory among us, so Doctor please don’t Pompeii us.
The People of Earth
PS: Please forward this to Batman… just in case.
What did you think? I’m putting this on my list of movies to check out in 2013.
Everyone knows that scene from Star Wars: A New Hope, where Luke Skywalker is standing outside on planet Tattooine with those two suns in the sky. Watching them set on the horizon wondering “what could be” for the future Jedi. While this was only an effect on film in real life this is actually possible and it’s going to happen. By the end of 2012 we could be seeing two suns in the sky, even if it’s for only a couple of weeks.
Just what’s going to give us double dose of daylight?
Thanks to a red super-giant star, as in it’s about to die, in the Orion’s nebula we’ll be seeing a pilgrimage to recreate the Luke scenes for weeks on end. The star know as Betelgeuse (Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse!) is predicted to be at it’s end and about to go all Death Star with a massive super-nova that could reach Earth by the end of 2012. The second largest star in the nebula, when it finally decides to call it a lifetime and collapse it’ll be tens of millions of times brighter than our sun. Just don’t go stocking up on sunscreen just yet however, this is only a theory.
According to Dr. Brad Carter, Senior Lecturer of Physics at the University of Southern Queensland “This old star is running out of fuel in it’s center…This keeps Betelgeuse shining and supported. When this fuel runs out the star will literally collapse in upon itself and it will do so very quickly.” The bad news is, it might not happen for another million years but when it does whoever is alive to see this will need sunglasses for sure. The resulting bang will mean that for several weeks it’ll be perpetual sunlight, 24 hours of tanning light. After a few weeks it will finally begin to fade and after a few months it’ll become very hard to see at all. With Star Wars forums lighting up with news over this it has been accompanied by doomsday theories, with the impending supernova being associated with the end of the world.
Even if this double sun has people thinking it’s going to be the end of the world George Lucas is going to make a ton of money releasing a line of Tatooine clothing (hint,hint). If 2012 means the end of the world at least a world of nerds will be able to fill out a wish from their bucket list.