(Article by nerdbastards contributor Mark Poynter, A.K.A Mordrun with art by Jodee Rose )
Oh the weather outside is frightful,
And the Wookie is drunk on Red Bull,
But since Spock had no place to go,
Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!
It doesn’t show signs of stopping,
The Wookie just peed now I’m mopping,
Spock’s long winded stories really blow,
Shovel snow! Shovel snow! Shovel snow!
Now Spock goes to kiss me goodnight,
Oh God, Vulcan tongue just ain’t right,
Now the Wookie’s a holding me tight,
Call a plow, clear the snow, end this night.
My patience is slowly dying,
As Spock and the Wookie are good-bying,
Oh I wish that they would just go,
Oh my God where the hell are their clothes!
Everyone loves a good Christmas carol, and everyone likes a good Gift list. NerdBastards are no exception. In this age of Uber Time Management why not combine the two into a NerdBastard original! Click through to the full NerdBastard 12 Days of Christmas and gift idea Carol!
Twas the morning of Christmas and all through the house,
Shredded wrapping paper, lay, like a ripped teenage prom, blouse,
The stockings were plundered, the treats were laid bare,
Santa’s half eaten cookies and milk, sat just over there,
The children were worn out, as still as the dead,
While visions of next Christmas, danced in their heads
We’ve all been there. Christmas morning, shredded wrapping paper litters the floor around you. Your fingers throbbing from paper cuts while you stare at the pile of presents in front of you as that last trickle of Christmas excitement sweat rolls down your back. Socks, Underwear, a box of betamax movies bought at a yard sale by your aunt because, “You like movies,” ten non-consecutive issues of Rom-Spaceknight, and a wall calendar that features “Cats throughout history.”
While the flux-capacitor hasn’t been perfected and we can’t help you fix any past Christmases, maybe we can help you get this Christmas off to a good start. Here’s the two proned plan of attack.
1. Print out copies of this list and place it around the house where your relatives will find it and reset your parents internet homepage to this list.
2. Read, memorize, and work into everyday conversations the items listed below.