grand theft auto v

Ask the Bastards #21: Aaaaaaand We’re Back!


In a world gone bad, sometimes, good men die hard. This is the story of a brilliant physicist, popcorn Christmas tree string, a hooker… WHO CAN SING!, and 18 cursed gold coins that may hold the key to the ultimate boner cure. This is Ask the Bastards, and we have finally returned to wreak more undeserved havoc on your browser window. That’s right. For the first time in nearly a year, we’re back to answer more of your nerdy questions, and we’ll keep doing it twice a month for as long as you keep asking them.

For those of you who’ve never done this before, it works like this: Every time we’re getting ready to launch an Ask the Bastards installment, we’ll send out the call for questions on Facebook and Twitter. Be sure you’re following us at both of those places, then wait for your time to shine and ask any nerdy question you’d like of us. We”ll do the rest. And if you’re curious what we’ve answered before, you can browse the Ask the Bastards archive HERE.

Now, on to this week’s questions…



It’s a bit unfair to judge something fully after experiencing it partially. So keep in mind that I have an open mind about GTA going forward and that I’m simply relaying to you my initial thoughts. So far, I’ve played Grand Theft Auto V for about 25 hours over the last few days (for work!) and I’ve only completed 4% of the missions.

I’ve only just met Michael, mid-midlife crisis. I just stole a boat for him and met his wannabe gangsta of a son. We’ve only just begun, and yet I don’t really care.

Franklin is a begrudging hooligan. I’ve spent most of my time playing as him. He has a dog that gets easily distracted during the thrill of the hunt by the thrill of the hump (worst POV porn E-V-E-R). I have given Franklin a full beard and a lo fro… just because.

I rather enjoy that we can switch back and forth between each main character’s lives, but I do it out of boredom more than anything else. Will that change as I play more missions? Perhaps, and I am going to keep playing this, but so far, the missions have failed to grab my attention. (more…)


Who stayed up late Monday to buy Grad Theft Auto V at their local video games retailer? No need to be shy, we know there were a lot of you, and part of the reason why is because Take-Two Interactive Software, makers of the GTA series, have announced that volume five is not only the best-selling entry in the series, but it rung up the highest first day retail sales of any video game in history. Take that Call of Duty: Black Ops II!

So how much is “highest?” Well, $800 million worldwide, excluding Japan and Brazil where it will be released later. To put that in perspective, that’s $300 million more than Black Ops II in its first day of release, or the total box office take of the movies Independence Day or Shrek the Third in the their entire world box office runs. Oh, and for the record, Black Ops II made $1 billion after its first 15 days in release. If GTA5 keeps up the same pace, it should cross the $1 billion mark by the end of the week.

The following was part of statement released by Take-Two:

All of us at Take-Two are thrilled with the initial response to ‘Grand Theft Auto V.’ Once again, the team at Rockstar Games have outdone themselves, setting the entertainment industry’s new standard for creativity, innovation and excellence,” said Strauss Zelnick, Chairman and CEO of Take-Two. “Beginning at midnight on Monday, consumers around the world gathered in anticipation to be among the first to experience the evolution of this remarkable series. In North America alone, more than 8,300 stores opened their doors at midnight to welcome fans whose loyalty and enthusiasm were rewarded with what The New York Times called ‘the most immersive spectacle in interactive entertainment.’ We are incredibly proud of Rockstar Games’ creative achievement and could not be more pleased with the success of this launch.

What do you Bastards think of the new GTA, worth the wait (and the money)? Sound off below.

Source: Coming Soon


This morning Rockstar Games released the launch trailer for Grand Theft Auto Online. Yes, you read that right. You will now be able to enjoy all the open world sandbox sociopathic behavior you’ve grown to love in a true MMO setting. Basically it is Grand Theft Auto V (which is out on the 17th of September) in muliplayer mode, but it looks like it as the potential to be more. Much more.

Admit it, you have spent hours upon hours with the GTA franchise doing unspeakable acts of mischief and violence. Well, soon you will be able to do that with friends!

Assuming you still have friends… that much time spent hooker stomping and shooting rockets at police helicopters can be hell on a social life.

Check out the trailer and the press release from Rockstar after the jump.  (more…)


Whenever Rockstar Games pumps out a new Grand Theft Auto game it has a tendency to prefaced with the phrase ‘highly anticipated,’ and if you weren’t currently feeling that for the fifth installment, get a ladder cause that anticipation is about to go through the roof! A video showing actual real honest to goodness not cut scene game play footage for Grand Theft Auto V was released today and wow, just… wow.

Remember when a good sandbox game just meant you could go anywhere on a map that was 15 square miles and stomp hookers at your leisure? Ya… I don’t either.

via:  Coming Soon


With the release of Rockstar Games’ Grand Theft Auto V still months away (damn you September 17th, haul ass… I am sick of all this natural light) they just released a 3-in-one trailer to up the anticipation. This time turning the spotlight on the 3 playable leads in the game. First we have Michael, a Sopranos-esque man in the middle of a midlife crisis, next a  San Andreas style street thug named Franklin, and last but far from least is Trevor, the requisite hillbilly lunatic.

Damn this game looks good.

All three characters lives will intertwine in what looks like a big heist finale. The trailer is light on gameplay footage and mainly relies on cutscenes which is a little disappointing but I am willing to let that slide since the game is still months away. PLUS, it has a lot of Trevor, who has quickly become one of my favorite video game characters ever.

‘Do you want me to get my dick out again?’ HA! Classic Trevor.

Oh yeah, the trailer is a little NSFW due to crazy redneck, and its up after the jump. (more…)



We don’t know about you, but there is nothing we love to do in our downtime more than run drugs, race cars, spend time with ladies of the evening and then immediately run them down with our vehicle for a refund. Since none of these things are legal Rockstar has set a release date for GTA V just in time to curb our lust for mayhem…you know before it becomes a real problem.

 Rockstar Games announced today that Grand Theft Auto V is expected to launch worldwide for the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 on September 17, 2013. As if you needed a description of the game you animal, here it is just in case.

Los Santos: a sprawling sun-soaked metropolis full of self-help gurus, starlets and fading celebrities, once the envy of the Western world, now struggling to stay afloat in an era of economic uncertainty and cheap reality TV. Amidst the turmoil, three very different criminals plot their own chances of survival and success: Franklin, a former street gangster, now looking for real opportunities and serious money; Michael, a professional ex-con whose retirement is a lot less rosy than he hoped it would be; and Trevor, a violent maniac driven by the chance of a cheap high and the next big score. Running out of options, the crew risks everything in a series of daring and dangerous heists that could set them up for life.

While sadly this pushes the release date back a bit from the projected and vague “Spring 2013” it seems that it will allow for even better game play. As you will now play as three main characters getting to see the story from every perspective.

Sam Houser, Founder of Rockstar Games has this to say;

‘Grand Theft Auto V’ continues to push the series forward in new ways; Rockstar North are creating our deepest, most beautiful and most immersive world yet. We are very excited for people to learn more about the game in the coming months.

While it sounds amazing we know that you will undoubtedly spend most of your time mowing down hookers for sport. Or is that just us?

Source: ComingSoon

Editorial: The War on Gaming

With fingers pointed at the National Rifle Association following the tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut, Wayne LaPierre — the NRA’s CEO — responded today by trying to pivot the argument about violence in our society away from guns and toward movies and video games.

The following is from the prepared text that the NRA distributed prior to an 11am Washington DC press conference today:

“And here’s another dirty little truth that the media try their best to conceal: There exists in this country a callous, corrupt and corrupting shadow industry that sells, and sows, violence against its own people. Through vicious, violent video games with names like Bulletstorm, Grand Theft Auto, Mortal Kombat and Splatterhouse. And here’s one: it’s called Kindergarten Killers. It’s been online for 10 years. How come my research department could find it and all of yours either couldn’t or didn’t want anyone to know you had found it?

Then there’s the blood-soaked slasher films like American Psycho and Natural Born Killers that are aired like propaganda loops on “Splatterdays” and every day, and a thousand music videos that portray life as a joke and murder as a way of life. And then they have the nerve to call it “entertainment.”

But is that what it really is? Isn’t fantasizing about killing people as a way to get your kicks really the filthiest form of pornography?

In a race to the bottom, media conglomerates compete with one another to shock, violate and offend every standard of civilized society by bringing an ever-more-toxic mix of reckless behavior and criminal cruelty into our homes — every minute of every day of every month of every year.”

LaPierre later added: “A child growing up in America witnesses 16,000 murders and 200,000 acts of violence by the time he or she reaches the ripe old age of 18.” citing a well worn statistic from the American Psychiatric Association that also includes acts of violence that occurs in cartoons. So Tom and Jerry are fucking up our children.

Okay, first of all, why these games and these movies? On this one can only speculate, but Splatterhouse is a fantastical game where you kill non-human looking monsters and demons. Why does it get singled out as a blight against the children of Pleasantville? Oh that’s right: the name. See, Splatterhouse sounds like a game that should make parents nervous, especially those who know nothing about video games. That’s why Mortal Kombat, GTA, American Psycho (which may just be too old to be relevant) and the like are mentioned as well — they sound rotten and they also have the virtue of being tried and true whipping boys whenever this debate circles around on back to us. Hell, a Senator even called for a possible ban on GTA V yesterday, sight-unseen. (more…)

When you watch the latest trailer for Grand Theft Auto V (aka GTA:V) one word seems more appropriate than all others to describe what you are seeing: ambition.

The world is bigger (as big as the last 2 games and Red Dead Redemption combined according to The Guardian) and it is completely open to us from the first play.

Every picture and frame we’ve seen screams for us to notice the intricate detail work. Los Santos is LA and it is fantastically rendered.

This is more than hollow beauty though. The story — headlined by three crimey protagonists named Michael (the old one), Franklin (the young one), and Trevor (the loco one) — seems equally intricate, with a focus on massive heists and tremendous action set-ups, like a firefight in a helicopter. Oh yeah, the world is that large because flying is a huge part of the game. So is our ability to switch between the three main characters, meaning this game should be as re-playable as it is cinematic.

That’s really all I got, but I advise you too go read both The Guardian’s and IGN’s hands on previews as they contain a lot more information and notes from Rockstar’s development team.

GTA:V comes out this Spring and once it does, you won’t see me for months. Here’s the second trailer.

It’s Live! It’s Five! Grand Theft Auto!

The Trailer for Rockstar games very anticipated hooker beatdown simulator is officially on the net. It confirms the rumors that we’re heading back to Los Satos (Los Angeles) and will even get a chance to shoot the hell out of Vinewood (the stand-in for Hollywood).

The Narration clues us in that the protagonist is trying go clean, retire from crime and, be a good dad.  Safe to assume that he’s is less than successful, but I would applaud Rockstar if they did a 180 on us and made it a game about staying on the straight and narrow. You get a menial job, avoid your former criminal buddies, never break the law. Press X to meet with parole officer. I wouldn’t play the game, but I would be amused.

GTA V’s release date is TBA.

You can check it out for yourself after the jump.