Jason Biggs

A second trailer for the new CG animated Nickelodeon series Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles has hit the interwebz. Go ahead and jump to the video below. I’m just going to sit here and sarcastically whirl my noise maker and blow on my kazoo.

I dunno about you, but I am completely pessimistic about this TMNT reboot. It looks so bad! Literally. The character design is completely ridiculous looking. Since when do the turtles have elephantiasis feet? I know they’re supposed to fight “The Foot”, but this is a bit too literal. Oh, and the animation? Gawd! It looks so disgustingly cheap. I know a couple of kids at my mother in-laws daycare center who could do better with a box of broken crayons and book of Post-its.

I will say, though, the personalities of each turtle and over-all wackyness seem to be serviceable.  To that degree, I guess if the main aspect are there, the horrid art design and N64 type graphics can be overlooked. Right?

Bah! Forget it. I have no faith. This looks horrible and I’m not just saying that because I’m a fan of the old cartoon, but because it looks like shit.  I do, though, miss the good old days of the TMNT cartoon, both 80’s and new version where it was slightly more like the comic-book. God bless those days.

Here’s the synopsis:

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are a fictional team of four human/turtle hybrids, who were trained by their human/rat hybrid sensei in the art of ninjutsu and named after four Renaissance artists. From their home in the storm sewers of New York City, they battle petty criminals, evil megalomaniacs, and alien invaders, all while remaining isolated from society at large.

The show is set to be released this fall and features the voices of Jason Biggs as Leonardo, Sean Astin as Raphael, Greg Cipes as Michelangelo, and Rob Paulsen as Donatello.

Just when we all thought that Micheal Bay was a safe distance from that dreaded Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot, he comes crawling back from the sewers. While the project itself continues to be held back (thank God), a copy of the Bay-produced script made its way to Latino-Review’s El Mayimbe and he released news that somehow went unnoticed for nearly an entire month!

How we ever managed to miss something like this remains a mystery, but according to El Mayimbe’s Twitter this version of TMNT written by Josh Appelbaum and Andre Nemec

…makes up for Micheal’s name being attached to something held so dear to us older nerds, right? Well if that last tweet made up for all the disappointment you were expecting then this next one may possibly blow your mind:

No Tokka, no Rahzar and no Vanilla Ice, but Bebop & Rocksteady, the mutated henchmen of Shredder. Just those two names alone makes this nerd want to see the movie. But keep in mind that this is the script rumored to be part of the reason the entire production was halted. So while we wait to be disappointed in the next few years we can always look forward to watching Nickelodeon‘s new animated version of our friends and their “turtle power” this September. Check out all the details in the jump.

The Broke Booty Ballad of the Pie F****er

Jason Biggs is known for many things — his leading performance in American Pie, also his work in American Pie 2, and American Wedding, and… are we sensing a trend? He’s the pie fucker, and that is what he will be until the day he dies. If the man cured cancer, the headline would read “Pie Fucker cures cancer”.

Luckily, Biggs isn’t outwardly bitter about the source of his notoriety, because, you know, there are worse things you could fuck to gain notoriety, i.e. Ray J.

How not bitter and totally okay with his reputation is Biggs? Check out his embedded video below that blends Thankskilling and The Godfather to portray the worlds very first incident of pastry initiated sodomy with a cobbler c*ck.

Revenge Of The Pie from Jason Biggs

Over a decade ago people couldn’t say the name Jason Biggs with picturing a warm apple pie and compromising position. Even after all those years it seems that everything disgusting still somehow stays the same, thanks to the release of the adult-oriented trailer American Reunion.

The direct sequel American Wedding, this film picks up a decade after, right it time for the group’s ten year high school graduation. hijinks will ensue.

Video: ‘American Reunion’ movie trailer (mature)

In the comedy American Reunion, all the American Pie characters we met a little more than a decade ago are returning to East Great Falls for their high-school reunion. In one long-overdue weekend, they will discover what has changed, who hasn’t and that time and distance can’t break the bonds of friendship. It was summer 1999 when four small-town Michigan boys began a quest to lose their virginity. In the years that have passed, Jim and Michelle married while Kevin and Vicky said goodbye. Oz and Heather grew apart, but Finch still longs for Stifler’s mom. Now these lifelong friends have come home as adults to reminisce about—and get inspired by—the hormonal teens who launched a comedy legend.

Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg (Harold and Kumar) directed, and Seann William Scott, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Thomas Ian Nicholas, Chris Klein, Mena Suvari, Shannon Elizabeth, Tara Reid, Natasha Lyonne, Eugene Levy, Alyson Hannigan and Jennifer Coolidge all appear. At least this news is better then hearing about one of those stupid direct to DVD movies coming out again.

Via: /Film

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It was a beloved early 90’s cartoon, which spawned a hugely successful toy-line (Ace Duck was my favorite) and string of live-action movies. The first of which is, in my opinion, one of the most underrated super hero flicks of all time. Anyway, the property kicked back up again in the early 2000’s, with another cartoon, new toys and a less than stellar CGI movie. The updated version grabbed the attention of a newer younger audience, while also appeasing fans of the original series. Alas, like it did in the 90’s, the franchise fizzled out.

But, you can’t keep a good turtle down!

If you haven’t heard, TMNT is being relaunched, yet again. A new movie is in development at Paramount and Platinum Dunes (Josh Appelbaum and Andre Nemec were just hired to rewrite it) and Nickelodeon will air a new animated show starting in the fall of 2012. Now we’ve got the voice cast for the quartet. Sean Astin will voice red-masked, sai-wielding Raphael, and he reveals that Rob Paulsen, who voiced Raphael in the original ’90s animated series, will voice Donatello. Jason Biggs will be Leonardo (Purely to stick his dick in a pizza, I’m sure), and Greg Cipes (Ben 10) is Michelangelo.

In addition to those bits of info, Sean Astin told EW,

These people who are doing [the new show], man, they are so fired up. They know they have something that people love, and that they’re getting a different crack at it. The producers recognize how much the fans of Ninja Turtles expect from the new show. With the new show, you’ll have one of two reactions: People will be fired up and excited, or people will be really skeptical. And the people who are fired up, you don’t want to disappoint them. And the people who are skeptical, you want to turn them.

He also says the characters will have less of an exaggerated SoCal surfer accent:

I don’t think it’s [adopts a perfect ‘Bill and Ted’ impression] “Dude, how you doin’, dude!” It’s just not quite as intense. A little bit more refined. They’ve got a slightly better education, maybe. More refined chemicals.

OK, that’s all well and nice, but explain to me why the turtles have elephantitis feet? Seriously, did the mutagen give them cancer of the rear flippers, GAWD! Regardless of the bizarre design choices of the turtles, I am cautiously optimistic for the series. We got another year or so until we can get a full assessment. Time will tell.

Actor Attacked By Monkeys……I Know!

No joking around (maybe a little), American Pie star Jason Biggs was vacationing for the 10 year Anniversary of AP in Gibraltar with fellow star Eddie Kaye Thomas.  Things went BANANAS  when a a monkey jumped out of a tree and tried to literally, bite Jason Bigg’s face off.

According to Thomas’s rep,

Eddie Kaye “saved the day” by fending off the simian attack and preventing Biggs from serious injury. Although the experience was still traumatic enough for Biggs to decide to cut his vacation short and return to home to America.

See the picture up above? It’s actual footage (its not) of them trying to talk the monkeys out of doing away with Biggs, negotiations going awry….the attack ensued.

Somewhere Steve Stifler, is laughing his balls off.