monopoly

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This will be a day long remembered, it has seen the end of board game patriarchy, and it will mark the beginning of gender equity in toys. That may be an over-the-top assessment, but it is a sign of progress that Hasbro has recognized what many people have known for years now: that Star Wars can no longer be quantified as “boys toys.” You may recall our story yesterday about Hasbro weak-kneed excuse regarding the lack of Rey, Daisy Ridley‘s heroic character in Star Wars: The Force Awakens, in the new Monopoly game, and now, as if to say “that excuse was weak-kneed,” Hasbro has announced that they are re-issuing the game, with a Rey piece. (more…)

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In what’s become a frequent repose in the last year, the merchandisers for a major movie franchise are under attack for ignoring the idea that girls like big sci-fi, action/adventure movies too. A new version of Star Wars Monopoly was released back in September includes Darth Vader, Kylo Ren, Finn and Luke Skywalker game pieces, but mysteriously, the new hero character of the sequel trilogy is mysteriously absent. The question before the Monopoly makers now is where is Rey, the character played by Daisy Ridley? The Monopoly mess is now the latest rallying point for gender equality, at least so far as toys and games are concerned. (more…)

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This time on the all new lemon scented RadioBastard podcast hour of power, Jeremy and Jason get wrapped up in the timeless internet sensation known as #DressGate. Also, there’s some hot llama action, a plot to steal Winston Churchill‘s vampire blood and a hot Latin body for Jason, 47 uses for chicken skin, and DuckTales! Wooo… Wha?

You seem like you could use some specifics… (more…)

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note: we still seem to be having some issues with our embed player, if you don’t see a play button below, please click HERE to visit us at RadioBastard.com

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This time, on The Bastardcast: Jeremy and Jason talk about the possible death of the Justice League, the rise of the solo Star Wars films and how they relate to the cinema film Little ManGodzilla‘s meth dealer, Bruce Willis and the power of words, GI Joe and the Patriot Act, and a porn star in S-P-A-C-E!!!

The boys also discuss the weeping soul blister that was the return of the Dan Harmonless Community, the return of The Walking Dead, kitty cats on the Monopoly board, art vs. commerce in video games, and part 2 of our epic tribute to Bill Murray, code name: #FebruMurray, alternative code name: If we blow him enough with our words, he’ll surely come sing karaoke with us/Operation Thunder.

So come on down, have some pancakes, and let us uplift, educate, and violate you with this edition of The Bastardcast!

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The Bastardcast: Against dolphin rape since before it was a thing.

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This week on The Bastardcast: Jason and Jeremy welcome Noobz star Jason Mewes to the show! That’s right, we’ve drawn first blood in our non-going war with SModCo! While on the show, Mr. Mewes discusses his new flick and Jay and Silent Bob Get Old.

Also on the cast: the boys discuss the bullshit Oscar nominations, Monopoly‘s plan to Ice Flow one of it’s classic pieces, Disney‘s possible plans to build a video game console, the death of PS2 (yes, PS2), Jeff Lemire‘s new sci-fi anthology comic, the ongoing adventures of Honey Boo Boo, Guillermo del Toro‘s busy calendar, Jason’s mutant psychic powers, and more!

This week, for their extreme love of porn, we induct the greater metropolitan Washington D.C. area into the Hall of Excellence. Congrats guys and gals, now please delete your browsers history.

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The Bastardcast: We’re trying.

People may complain about reboots and remakes, but there is a far more dangerous phenomenon plaguing the world of movies today.  I have seen it… and it is not good.  Movie studios have been trying to translate fkn board games and knock-off toys into film!  Anyone who’s seen Battleship knows that even special effects can’t always save a movie from turning into a giant, steaming pile of shit.  Well, it looks like Hasbro has three more turds cooking – Hungry Hungry Hippos, Action Man and Monopoly.

Apparently, the overwhelming box office success of Battleship prompted them to see what other copyrights they could turn into cash.  Oh wait… Battleship was a flop?  Well hell, I have no idea why they’re making these then.  But making them they are and they plan to have all three of these hemorrhoid-inducing projects to a theater near you in a couple of years.

A general plot synopsis is as follows, courtesy of yours truly:

Hungry Hungry Hippos will be about some fat hippos with levers on their backs that are unable to eat without help and so enslave children to do the work for them.  They eventually become morbidly obese and die of heart failure.

Action Man will be a bargain-bin rip-off of G.I. Joe and will feature tons of action, crappy special effects and some men.  Lots of men.  It’s actually going to be a gay porn.

Monopoly revolves around an historically accurate look at corporate America and how they devour their competition in order to obtain profits.  It will be seven hours long and the characters will spend much of the film in jail.  It is also a gay porn, but with fancier sets and less action.

Okay, so those may not be proper synopses, but they’re probably better than what will be assaulting our senses come two years from now.

I guess if you put enough thought into anything you can end up making a movie out of it, though I have to wonder if that’s the best motivation.  With any luck, Hasbro’s potential abortions will get killed in pre-production and the world will be spared from the punishment that God will no doubt bring down upon us for creating such atrocities.

 

Thanks to /film for the warning.

“You sank my battleship… with your alien death ray!”

Yeah, I don’t quite remember it that way either, but in their infinite wisdom Universal Studios and Hasbro decided to make a Battleship movie with massive aliens that rise up from the sea. In the spirit of that “creative” leap, I and my co-conspiritor Jason Tabrys wrote the synopses, the tag-lines, the titles, and even cast these four “creative” movie and board game mashups that Hollywood needs to greenlight right now. Hell, Jeremy R! Hudson and Jason (but mostly him) even made up some fantastic posters for the films too, so all we need is a few hundred million dollars and we can make the best board game movie spin-off since Clue (you heard me).

Monopoly: Revenge of the Fallen

Synopsis: Max Marther (actor and comic book artist Shia LaBeouf) is an Occupy protester and an up and coming blogger for an underground activism website. His life is thrown through a loop though, when a major corporation buys the site and turns it into a LOLCat content farm, forcing Marther to embed himself in the world of finance, quickly climbing up the corporate ladder because of his unfathomable whiteness and his unearned swagger.

Soon, Marther can see the whole board and becomes a land baron with a pocketful of “Get out of Jail Free” cards and a plan to run the bank and drive all the other players toward bankruptcy. Will his plan succeed, or will he be seduced by the 1 percenter lifestyle, a high class call girl named Community Chest (introducing Random Lingerie Model in a breakthrough performance) with a secret, and Arthur Michael Manchester (Nic Cage), the current banker and a rogue utility company owner with troubling hair who inherited both Boardwalk and Park Place under curious circumstances from his late brother, Nathan (also Nic Cage)?

Coming in 2013, the money never sleeps and the game never ends in Monopoly: Revenge of the Fallen. (more…)

Every day the internet produces an astounding amount of goodies and gems. Most hilarious, some amusing, but all worth at least a few seconds of your time. We here at Nerd Bastards try to bring you the best bits of news and nerdery the webz has to offer, with a bit of snark thrown in. But sometimes not everything makes the cut.

Monday through Friday we’ll be bringing you our inbox leftovers, our forgotten bookmarks, the nerdy bits that simply slipped through the cracks. You can submit items to Nerdy Bits by emailing us at nerdybits@nerdbastards.com.

You knew bowties were cool, right? Of course you did. Now own the coolest bowtie around, an official Doctor Who bowtie. Perfect to pair with the official 11th Doctor jacket. (Fashionably Geek)

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Every day the internet produces an astounding amount of goodies and gems. Most hilarious, some amusing, but all worth at least a few seconds of your time. We here at Nerd Bastards try to bring you the best bits of news and nerdery the webz has to offer, with a bit of snark thrown in. But sometimes not everything makes the cut.

Monday through Friday we’ll be bringing you our inbox leftovers, our forgotten bookmarks, the nerdy bits that simply slipped through the cracks. You can submit items to Nerdy Bits by emailing us at nerdybits@nerdbastards.com.

Waaaay better than your average potted plant. And all you need to make one is, “a playground ball, a plastic bowl, some felt and dowel. Oh, and some Atomic Fireball candy, if you want to upgrade your piranha plants to Super Mario Bros. 3‘s Venus Fire Traps.” Genius! (TDW: Geek)

 

Monopoly, Fallout style. Sadly, this isn’t a reality…yet. This is from DeviantArtist PinkAxolotl, but I think we should be writing to Bethesda and Hasbro and be like, “Bitches, give us a Fallout version of Monopoly. Bitches.” (TDW: Geek)

 

So, you’ve always wanted to Captain Jack. You kinky bastard. Well, now you can at least own an official Captain Jack Harkness replica coat.

* Replica RAF buttons
* Back vent with hidden buttons
* Double-breasted closure
* Functional inside and outside pockets
* NON-wool fabric – in honour of John Barrowman himself
* Full size range: S, M, L, XL, XXL

It’s available for pre-order here, for $299.99. (Fashionably Geek)

 

Forever Alone, train alone. (Nerd Approved)

 

Maybe he should try meeting up with Teenage Mutant Ninja Trollface. Nah, that guys a dick. (Nerd Approved)

 

It’s a fool proof plan. One we’ve seen executed over and over and over again. (Game Freaks)

 

I’m guessing Nintendo could sell these today and plenty of people would still buy them. Sure, the 64 is way out of date, but it’s a classic. Add in a special modded case, and you’ve got a collector’s item. (TDW: Geek)

 

It’s always Loki. The source of all Norse frustration. (The Mary Sue)

 

Awe, yeah you are. (Fashionably Geek)

 

Ooooh. So it’s the shirt that kills the man, not his ineptitude as a Starfleet officer. (Fashionably Geek)

 

And now, T-Shirts You Gotta Buy…TODAY!

(Click the images to purchase shirts)

Don’t forget about our Nerd Bastards’ tees, available at Split Reason!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Interwebz is a great place for artists to share their nerdy work, even though the majority of the time it’s a bunch of fuckin’ weird shit. There are a ton of awesome things to behold every day but we’re fuckin’ lazy bastards, so we just put it all together once a week to keep your mojos happy. Because I wasn’t able to get the stock pile up last week, we’ll be having a double feature this week showcasing only the best of the best from the past two weeks! Buckle down, guys, and have your socks at the ready.

We’ll start off this week with some work by Marco D’Alfonso of the Iron Giant being fuckin’ hungry and deciding to nom himself some Optimus Prime.

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