Nightcrawler

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The Internet continued to go nuts over the first official look at Jerad Leto in full makeup as the Joker in David AyersSuicide Squad over the weekend, but Bryan Singer is ready to calm everyone down a bit with a look at Kodi Smit-McPhee (The Road, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes) as Nightcrawler. This first look at X-Men: Apocalypse‘s resident blue teleporting mutant should provide a relaxing effect on many fans still fuming about Leto’s crazy look. (more…)

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This is the best week of the year.

Seriously. If you’ve never been to Fantastic Fest before, start saving now to book your flight to Austin, Texas in 2015. Even if you have no idea what Fantastic Fest is as you’re reading this article, just start monitoring your bank account and scanning Southwest Airlines’ website for cheap flights. Because no other film fest in the world is like this one — a non-stop cortège of badass genre movies, video games, boxing matches, trivia challenges, drunken debauchery and the biggest food fight Texas has ever seen. Where at most other fests you have to parse through a sea of party-hopping star fuckers to find the real film fans, at Fantastic Fest you’re rubbing elbows with the most hardcore sect of cinephiles from the world over every single day. Simply put: if you love movies, this is Nirvana.

In 2014, Fantastic Fest is celebrating its tenth year of existence. To ring in such a grand occasion, the programmers and Alamo Drafthouse Founder/CEO Tim League are sparing no expense. Want to see League verbally spar with Ti West about whether or not found footage is a legitimate sub-genre (before they both don gloves and wail on each other in the ring)? Fantastic Fest X has got you covered. Wondering if the new Kevin Smith horror picture is worth its weight in snoogins? Fantastic Fest X has got you covered. How about a detailed Q&A with longtime film critic Leonard Maltin, moderated by former Drafthouse programmer extraordinaire Zack Carlson and suave Vulcan Video head Bryan Connolly? Fantastic Fest X has got you covered.

Welcome to Fantastic Fest X. To get you started, here are the eleven films we here at Nerd Bastards are most excited for. Not gonna lie, it’s going to be a rough and tumble seven days, but just remember what the fox once said:

“Chaos Reigns” (more…)

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Of all the mutants shoe-horned into the upcoming X-Men: Days of Future Past, it felt like director Bryan Singer might have forgotten a couple of fan-favorites. If you are a Nightcrawler or Gambit fan, you might have been left thinking that Singer was slapping you in the face, especially since both the German teleporter and the Cajun card-tosser have both appeared in previous X-Men films. But no offense was indented, and now, according to the director himself, their may be room for both Nightcrawler and Gambit in the next X-Men film, 2016’s X-Men: Apocalypse. (more…)

X-Men fans know the long-standing Nightcrawler to be a fun-loving and somewhat philosophical type that would readily put his life on the line for pretty much anyone in need.  He is a noble character with morals and a sense of justice.  But, as it turns out, that was not always the plan for the loveable blue elf.

Dave Cockrum, Nightcrawler’s creative “father”, originally (as in pre-X-Men) worked for DC as an artist on Legion of Super-Heroes.  Nightcrawler, along with X-Men staples Storm and Colossus were conceptualized while he was there.  It is only a falling out with the comic company that drove Cockrum and these three famous X-Men to Marvel.

When he first created Nightcrawler, Cockrum had him designed to be an alien from a parallel dimension whose real name was Baalshazzar (though he still went by Nightcrawler in super-hero mode).  He was possessed of a villainous intent, a cliche speech impediment and fit the archetype of demon in pretty much every way.

After the transfer to Marvel, however, Nightcrawler would transform from hellspawn to hero.  Chris Claremont’s vision of the newly revived X-Men brought Nightcrawler (along with Storm and Colossus) on board and revamped his personality to the heroic chap that we all know today.

For an inside look at the original concept art and character notes, check out the pic below:

Thanks to geektyrant for this tasty tidbit.

Mother’s day is fast approaching . . . it’s this Sunday dude . . . that’s tomorrow. If you haven’t planned and taken care of your Mother’s Day Duties: cards, flowers, candies, breakfast in bed, dinner out, then you had better get on the ball and get it done.

So let’s take a look at some of Nerdom’s moms that you wouldn’t want to mess with for one reason or another.

Mama Fratelli – The Goonies

The best way to sum up this NerdBastards feelings towards Mama Fratelli is to say that she be happy to drive you around house to house to trick or treat on Halloween, then take your bag of candy when you got home. Favorite Mama Fratelli quote:

Mouth: Is this supposed to be water?
Mama Fratelli: It’s wet, ain’t it? Drink it!

 

Flemeth – Dragon Age

Voiced by: Kate Mulgrew

Flemeth is the legendary “Witch of the Wilds.” Why is she on the list? Well, how about conceiving and raising her daughter only so Flemeth could invade and take over her daughter’s body, destroying Morrigan’s soul and living forever or at least until she needed another replacement body. That’s some hardcore motherly love.

 

Mom – Futurama

Mom owns and manages 99.7% of MomCorp, a large, multi-billion dollar industrial complex with numerous subsidiaries and a monopoly on robot production. Publicly, she retains the image of a sweet, bustling old woman who often slips into the stereotype of a hapless grandmother (she wears antiquated clothes that greatly accentuate her bust and general figure, while using rustic metaphors such as “squeaking like an old screen door”). Behind the scenes, however, she is malevolent, foul-mouthed, chain-smoking, cold-hearted, and narcissistic. She routinely abuses her sons and others, verbally and physically, like the minions she sees them to be.

 

Mystique – Marvel Comics X-men

Abandon one child to a band of traveling circus gypsies while raising another foster child to be a super villain destroying your enemies. This chick is mother Teresa material. Sure she can look like anyone at any time . . . except on Mother’s day when she is no where to be found.

 

Alien Queen – Aliens

The mother of all space monster mothers. She is one mother you don’t want mess with or threaten her offspring. She will gut you faster than an Ahi-tuna sushi chef. Ripley said it best:

“You know, Burke, I don’t know which species is worse. You don’t see them fucking each other over for a goddamn percentage.”

 

Shaft – Shaft 

He’s a bad mutha . . .

SHUT YO MOUTH ! ! !

I’m just talkin bout Shaft.

 

Cersi “Lannister” Baratheon – Game of Thrones

If a mother can be judged by the quality of her children then Cersi has a lot of explaining to do. She tells her child that everyone is an enemy and no one can deny him anything. How can she be surprised when that child turns into the most hated character in the whole George R.R. Martin series. The only character in the whole series seen trying to teach Joffery something is his uncle Tyrion, by then it’s way too late.

Tyrion: “You love your children. It’s your one redeeming quality; that and your cheekbones.”

 

Lori Grimes – The Walking Dead

Where’s Carl, Lori?

WHERE THE FRACK IS CARL?!?!?!

I’ll tell ya . . .

HE”S POKING A ZOMBIE WITH A STICK IN THE WOODS BY HIMSELF!!!

If I had a nickel for every time Lori had no idea where her child Carl was I could afford that Riot Shotgun I have my eye on for Zombie protection. Once the zombie apocalypse starts I think that knowing where your children are at all times would pretty much top a Mother’s List of Duties. Wait, she can’t be that bad. When she learned that her husband was not back from town yet she jumped into a car and drove after him (WHERE”S CARL LORI?!?!). Of course she did manage to crash the car when she was the ONLY CAR IN OPERATION ON THE ROADS IN THE STATE OF GEORGIA AT THE TIME. This NerdBastard has taken Lori off the carpool list.

 

Sarah Conner – Terminator Franchise 

When Sarah Conner finds out her child will one day save mankind from the robot apocalypse she doesn’t curl up into a ball and wait for the end. She steps up, buffs up, and arms up. She’s willing to do what ever it takes to keep her son (and Mankind) safe, she is willing to take a bullet, grenade, or sliver metal Terminator finger blade to keep John safe. Get in her way and you will soon realize your mistake.

 

Daenerys Targaryen – Game of Thrones

“I am Daenerys Stormborn and I will take what is mine, with fire and blood.”

She is the mother of dragons. She will eat the bloody hearts of her enemies to protect her children, or at least some bloody horse heart. It’s hard to say much more without throwing spoilers out there so this NerdBastard is gonna just leave it there.

Screw the Kama Sutra (no pun intended), if you’re looking for the newest sex move read a comic book instead.

Personally, I’ve only ever practiced ‘The Superman’ (which is oddly not listed here). It goes a little something like this:

A sexual act characterized by doing doggy-style then ejaculating on her shoulders. Follow that up by sticking a towel as a cape thus making the superman.

Man- Bitch hold on a sec.
Hoe- Boy, what are you doing?
Man- Shut up bitch and put this towel on.
Hoe- Why?
Man- Shutup hoe It’s called the superman

Anyway, here’s  College Humor’s incredibly nerdy sex advice you never knew you needed. And don’t worry, all these moves are canon.

 

 

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How To Be A Superhero

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Have you ever wanted to be a superhero?

I have. Personally, I would want the ability to teleport like Nightcrawler from the X-Men (not the movie version from X2, but the comic book version).

And yet, the main question preventing me and I’m sure millions of others, is how? I don’t want to get beat up like Kick-Ass, or subjected to awful experiments like Wolverine … so what are my options?

Lucky, here is an image submitted to the  t-shirt company Threadless for placement on a shirt, that shows you the many ways to gain super powers. Warning, they may not all be pleasant! CHECK IT OUT AFTER THE JUMP

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