Ninjas

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Don’t let Electric Boogaloo fool you: Roger Corman started it.

Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus simply improved upon the cheapo tyrant formula that came to dominate drive-in style cinema in the 60s and 70s. Technically, The Weinstein Brothers perfected the mold, taking the schlock-factory model and somehow managing to add genuine quality into the mix (a shocker, I know). But none did it quite like Golan & Globus, whose somewhat unbelievable rags to riches story was fueled by pure, maniacal love for cinema. And much like he captured the Outback mayhem that was Australian genre cinema in the 70s with Not Quite Hollywood, Mark Hartley has returned to give us The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films. Only by narrowing the focus of the film and making it much more about Golan & Globus as people (though the constant talking head impersonations of the brothers threaten to turn the cousins into cartoons), it gives Electric Boogaloo an intimate edge that the director’s previous cinema documentaries lacked. Frankly speaking, Mark Hartley’s third picture devoted to the niche racks at your local video store (or, more accurately in 2014: Netflix Queue) might be the best movie about movies since Ted Demme’s A Decade Under the Influence. (more…)

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The marketing machine for the Michael Bay produced Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot rolls on, with four posters hitting the web today. They’re simple and evocative; featuring the weapons that each reptilian ninja wields in the face of Shredder’s faceless onslaught. Those looking some super weird visual slash fic may want to move on, as I only used that headline as a means to lure in the bigger weirdos who read NB on a daily basis. I’m like the Chris Hansen of comic book movie news. Have a seat…and let’s talk about your bizarre need to see green martial arts experts violate each others’ orifices.

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Sometimes there’s more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking (god bless you Derek Zoolander). And, I think actor Antonio Banderas has finally figured that out. The fucker will always be a sexy, suave spaniard (he is Spanish, right? I never paid attention) and I’ll always be really, really, ridiculously jealous of that, but I gotta give the Latin fury some credit for being in rare form and involving himself in one of the more unusual sounding films I’ve ever heard.

The film is The Skin I Live In by director Pedro Almodovar. It’s centered around a mad scientist Antonio Banderas and his obsession with creating an indestructible epidermis, no matter what pain he inflicts on his test subject.

“Your epidermis is showing!” What?

The 2011 Cannes Film Festival has released a brief but twisted scene from the film. It depicts Banderas’ character demonstrating his power over his helpless patient.

It’s perhaps a little too artsy fartsy and the subtitles don’t help (I got ADD) , but it’s got a lot going for it. Mad scientist. Skin. Torture and Tits. At least I assume there will be some tits. Can’t have a skin flick with out tits.

Here’s the official synopsis released by Cannes:

Ever since his wife was burned in a car crash, Dr. Robert Ledgard, an eminent plastic surgeon, has been interested in creating a new skin with which he could have saved her. After twelve years, he manages to cultivate a skin that is a real shield against every assault. In addition to years of study and experimentation, Robert needed a further three things: no scruples, an accomplice and a human guinea pig. Scruples were never a problem. Marilia, the woman who looked after him from the day he was born, is his most faithful accomplice. And as for the human guinea pig…

Speaking of tits. Are you ready for Boobs, Balls and Barbarians? Actually, the tag is “Babes, Balls and Muscles”, but shiiiiiiiiiiit, the makers of Ronal The Barbarian sure now how to market their little “runt of the litter saves the day” CG film. Any movie that has all that, plus a a skull belting out Europe’s “Final Countdown.” is enough for me to shout a Ric Flair “WOOOO”.

HIT THE JUMP for the trailer and while your down there check out some other upcoming Nerd Approved Cannes Films. *special thanks to i09 for doing all the work in rounding these up.

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Vexika – My Cosmic Karma Torture

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Karma can be a real bitch.  I’ve had a really good week of Internet videos discoveries, then it happened.  That cosmic coin flipped and came up ‘Vexika‘.  I didn’t stumble over it like the other videos this week, that should have been my first karmic clue to back away slowly without making eye contact.  No, this little Internet gem was forwarded to me by none other than Luke Gallagher – Editor and Chief of Nerdbastard.  That should have been my second clue to protect my privates at all costs.

I ignored these warnings and clicked through to check out Vexika Part One.

“Vexika follows Victoria Bloom – An ambitious TV Reporter who’s also DARPA’s only successful nanoid-hybrid biological cyber-enhanced supersoldier.  She must hunt down the deranged failed rejects to feed her fatal nanoid build up.”

It felt like a wiffle ball bat to the groin, that slow feeling that “it’s not that bad,” followed by pain, that leg buckling, fall to the ground pain.  Instead of talking about the lack of a coherent story, dialog, or pacing, I’ll just list the things I would rather do than watch another episode of Vexika:

  • Make love to an angry goat while it kicks me repeatedly in the groin.
  • Use molten hot wax to remove the hairs from my hairy ass.
  • Spank a large burly man in assless leather chaps.
  • Watch my toenails grow.
  • Punch myself in the balls repeatedly while rubbing my eyes with fresh lemons.
  • Invite all my friends to view my next colonoscopy.

How this review will appear on Vexika’s website:

Love. . .it. . .hot. . .ass. . .leather. . .watch. . .repeatedly. . .with. . .all. . .my. . .friends!

Now I have to appease Karma.  Dan is just having a good time making videos with his wife.  Congrats on landing such a good looking woman there Dan.  Nerd guy Vulcan high five!  That she likes to dress in tight leather while you stick a camera at her crotch (I mean really, how many scenes need to have that “camera through the crouched legs” shot?) is just icing on the cake.

I know you’re not trained actors, but when the cardboard cutouts at the local grocery store are more engaging, then maybe someone could use some practise.  The best video of Miranda is the shots of her talking with people on the convention floor (follow up video after the jump).  She’s cute, charming, and not so concentrated on moving from one “stiff pose” to another.  That’s what needs to come through.  I cared about hearing what that woman had to say.  The other squatting woman in tight leather just bored me, and don’t get me started on the ninja dialogue.

PART 2 and 3 AFTER THE JUMP

If ya dig this sort of thing then hop on over to Vexica.com

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mike white and zombies

So are you guys ready to see some members of the undead dressed in bonnets and cummerbunds?  Well, with a director in place we are one step closer to this vision.  Mike White, known for his writing School of Rock and Nacho Libre, is set to direct Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.  The classic Jane Austin story will be brought to the big screen with the help of writer Seth Grahame-Smith (The Hard Times of R.J. Berger, Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter).

Basically, it’s the timeless tale we all know but with zombieness filling in the gaps.  The idea spawned from Quirk Books editor Jason Rekulak, who was tossing around ideas of classic stories like Wuthering Heights and Crime and Punishment and characters like Ninjas and Pirates. Ironically enough I feel as though incorporating zombies will bring this story to life and be super funny as well.

The project is being handled by Lionsgate, who always turn out great work and now most likely will begin casting for the project.  As of now, Scarlett Johansson and Bradley Cooper are being considered.  The only thing to consider is that White hasn’t had much directorial experience.  He has only director one project prior to this titled, Year of the Dog starring Molly Shannon.  So while White’s writing certainly shows that he’ll get the tone of the movie, it is yet to be seen if he can accurately display it on camera.  So what do you guys think aout the news and this project coming to the big screen??

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So, here’s a totally random, head-exploding awesome flick that has managed to stay off our radar. ‘We R Animals‘. A Swedish, muppet style (yes, I said muppet) film about a Cat pimp, Cat ninja, Cat junkie, and also a vampire bat. As well as a cute, fluffy bunny who is forced into prostitution. What the deuce? What is this film and why are we only just hearing about it  now. Christ, I’ve had dreams and none of them were near as awesome as this flick sounds.

‘We R Animals’ is currently in pre-production, and will start shooting sometime in 2011. It was inspired by Peter Jackson’s Meet The Feebles. The film is also the directorial debut of Thobias Hoffmen.

They recently shot some test footage to demonstrate the concept to potential investors the producers, (production photos after the jump). The film is an outrageous R-rated story animated using animatronic puppets.

Here’s the official Synopsis:

Snow White the rabbit is stuck in a sadistic man’s pet store, she craves for love but nobody wants to take her home. But one day the animals wreck havoc and they all escape, including Snow White. She gets lost with her newfound freedom and almost dies, until the nice old lady Alice saves her. Snow White would’ve had a bright future if not for Alice’s jealous and vindictive dogs, who call on their friend Flash, a shady and devious pimp cat. Together they plan to transform Alice’s apartment into a brothel for animals, and force Snow White and even the human Alice into prostitution.

We R Animals‘ is a comic adventure, filled with drug using cats, horny dogs, cat-ninja assassins, vampire bats, cruelty and magic. In essence We R Animals is a love story told with warmth, where sometimes the laughter sits in the throat and forces us to question the morals and views of both animals and man.

My fetish for puppets being used in adult situations not withstanding, this flicks obvious outlandish-ness and controversy certainly appeals to my nerd sensibilities. I dunno about you, but this will be on my list most anticipated movies to see.

HIT THE JUMP FOR PRODUCTION PHOTOS

source: geektyrant

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