If there’s one thing nerds of a certain age universally agree on, it’s this….Toys (for kids and young adults) these days SUUUCK!

Oh, sure–today’s younglings have video games that would make 8 year old, Atari 2600 playing me drop dead of a pleasure-induced brain hemorrhage. And there will always be timeless classics like LEGO But as far as action figures–and their accompanying vehicles, playsets, and other miscellany go: The playthings of my 1980s childhood beat the piss out of anything the 21st century has yet to come up with–it’s not even a contest.

But this feature isn’t about how much new toys blow (that’s another feature), instead, the old and decrepit among the Nerd Bastards staff have decided to present you, the reader, with a series of tributes to the overpriced hunks of plastic of yore. Magnificent toy lines and other pieces of antiquity that make us forget how lonely and miserable our ACTUAL childhoods were.

This week guest writer Jason Helton is here to show some much needed love to an unsung–well, less than sufficiently sung – laser toy gun of yesteryear with: Photon Laser Tag  (more…)

I remember Pete & Pete, during the Golden Age of Nickelodeon (aka the grunge era). That show, along with Salute Your Shorts, Hey Dude and Clarissa Explains it All (Three other sorely missed Nick series) had identifiable characters, ’cause they were normal kids that did stuff. Now Nickelodeon only shows hyperactive weirdos running around thinking that they are funny. Man I miss the 90’s.

For the first time since the show ended in 1996, the cast and creative crew behind the early Nickelodeon cult hit reunited for a panel to look back on their now iconic work. Both Petes — older TV brother Mike Maronna and the younger, stranger TV brother Danny Tamberelliwere in attendance on Saturday at LA’s Cinefamily, as were creators Will McRobb and Chris Viscardi and a host of other cast members.

PART 1 (Part 2 after the jump)


Batmanretro(article by nerdbastards contributor Matthew Jackson)

If you were around when Tim Burton’s Batman was released in 1989, you know that the Bat-Symbol was almost literally everywhere. The Dark Knight felt the awesome colossal glare of commercialism, and that meant one thing: merchandising!

But the merchandise created in support of the Batman release wasn’t limited to action figures, die-cast Batmobiles and Happy Meal toys. Oh no. The Dark Knight was out for justice everywhere, including your breakfast.

That’s right, this cereal gives you the fuel you need to strike fear into the hearts of your city’s thugs, kick supervillains in the throat and rappel through a skylight. You know that muffin sitting next to the cereal bowl is terrified



Does anyone even want a movie based on Voltron, the early 80’s animated series about 5 robot lions that unite to form a giant space warrior? Especially given that expectation VS. reality hardly ever match up when Hollywood’s involved. You know as with any cartoon property proposed for live-action treatment, that it’s destined to have a farce of a story, crappy acting, be set in America, feature 1 or more bimbo whore in some unnecessary sexy slo-mo scene, have a bunch of explosions and be directed by either Michael Bay or Stephen Sommers. That’s the fate of every beloved child hood cartoon. Voltron and other 80’s animated shows will never be a James Cameron or Christopher Nolan joint. Accept that and more on.

Fore those of you who are clinging on to some remaining bit of false hop, here’s the latest update on Voltron. While our defender of the universe is off fighting some galactic asshole in space, Vulture hears that a bidding war has broken out to finance a Transformers-size blockbuster retelling of the legend of the iconic robotic lions and their human pilots; Ryan Kavanaugh’s deep-pocketed Relativity Media is one of the very interested parties trying to sell itself to World Events Productions, the St. Louis–based company behind the original show.

Voltron has had a hard time making it to the big screen. A film by Mark Gordon (League of Extraordinary Gentlemen), with a script by Enzo Marra, was in the works. Marra’s script was described as “a post-apocalyptic tale set in New York City… [in which] five ragtag survivors of an alien attack band together and end up piloting the five lion-shaped robots that combine and form the massive sword-wielding Voltron that helps battle Earth’s invaders.” A property rights battle between World Events Production Company, and Toei Company Ltd. halted it. Meanwhile, Atlas Entertainment producers Charles Roven (The Dark Knight Rises) and Richard Suckle had been developing a script with screenwriters Thomas Donnelly and Joshua Oppenheimer (who wrote the upcoming Conan the Barbarian reboot), and concept art had leaked last fall. Although, no updates from them beyond concept art have lead fans to believe the project was in turnaround.

In it all, Relativity Media has been the one point of interest and they’re circling the property again, in hopes their big money will win over World Events Production. At any rate, the interest from Relativity is a good sign that this movie could happen.

No word on when it will be brought to the screen, though 2013 seems to be the target date. Can I go back to fapping now?

source: Vulture